where can my 21 y/o son find housing

Barbara - posted on 07/21/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My 21 year old has been through 7 jobs in the past year. He choses to spend his money on things other than car insurance. And when he is in a jam to get money he has stooped as low as to steal from family. Jewlery, charge cards etc. If he (God forbid) had a drug poblem I'd amost be able justify the stealing but he just steals cause well I don't know why. He cant resist temtation?? His Dad died when he was 3. And I know I've done a good job making sure he was expose to all good things. ie church, scouts,sports. I refuse to blame my self for his mitakes. But what went wrong?? And how can I help him fix it?? I know he needs to help himself. So I finally kicked him out. It has been so peaceful at home the past 10 days. However, now he must of worn out his welcome where ever he was the past 10 days because he is now scrambling for a place to sleep tonight. And no one will take him in. My heart breaks for him but he did this to himself. Does anyone know of any places that help people find a place to live??Help.

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Ev - posted on 07/21/2013

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Direct him to the homeless shelter. Some of them can even help people get on their feet and even may help teach budgeting, job skills, how to get a job and so on. It sounds like he is just lazy and does not want to do anything despite how he was raised. Some people are just that way. You can not help him fix this at all; it is really up to him. He is 21 and an adult. He needs to also be paying back for what he stole from you or family. Its not right to let him get away with it.

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Barbara - posted on 07/21/2013

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Ok r u the physiologist for Circle of Moms??? U r giving me all the right answers. nd I know that is what I should od. But how??? Thanks for your support

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/21/2013

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I hear you Barbara. I am sure you gave him a wonderful life, and it is more about himself and lack of motivation. I have 2 sisters and I am the youngest. The middle turned out pretty bad. We all grew up in the same house. I don't feel there was anyone to blame but herself for her lifes out come. No one but herself of course. There comes a time where we have to stop blaming others, and take on the responsibility of our lives ourselves.

Really, you just need to set firm boundaries for him. You are his mom. You don't want to see him struggle, so really you have to set boundaries for yourself also. If you do let him back home, have a serious talk with him about YOUR expectations. Give him a set amount of time, like a month to get a job, hold it, and contribute to the household, financially, and with the keep up of it. If he does not abide by this, then he has had plenty of time to look for another place to live. 1 month to prove he will be better. The moment he slips, he is out. This is what i personally would do, or would have done. Not sure if you have already given him this kind of opportunity, but by the way you talk, sounds like you may have already given him every chance. If this is the case, it is a hard thing to stick to your guns about kicking hm out. But if you don't, who will it benefit? That question in itself is enough ammo to keep you strong if you really think about it.

Barbara - posted on 07/21/2013

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my next question is how do I stay strong?? And not let him back home, at least until he has humbled himself??

Barbara - posted on 07/21/2013

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I hear u. & totally get it. I am not a young mom as he was my second after 16 years. But it just sucks when u know u did EVERYTHING to provide them a good life and THEY " f" it up. I appreciate your honesty. It's comments like yours that will keep me strong. I love him but he is messed up. Guess he didn't have proper counseling and to no fault of anyone. God knows I tried. It's not in my hands. So I guess that's it. What ever he does he does.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/21/2013

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My words are a bit harsh, and was thinking about editing that out.....but if it was a strangers kid this was about....what would you think?

Barbara - posted on 07/21/2013

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Little Miss, Ouch thanks for your honesty. Not sure if I'm ready to call him a looser yet but otherwise I agree. Thanks

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/21/2013

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Stop trying to fix everything for him. That is part of his problem, mommy coming to save the day so he can be a lazy mooch.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/21/2013

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He is an adult now. You do not need to blame yourself for his adult mistakes. Those are his to own. Sorry to tell you, but he sounds like a bit of a loser. 7 jobs in 12 months??? Come on now. Good for you for kicking him out. He needs to find his own way now. You finding a place for him to stay will just enable him further. He needs money, which means he needs a job. It is reality time for him.

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