Where did my patience go, why all the yelling?

Lena - posted on 07/23/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )




Am I the only one going threw this? Lately I been feeling that all I do is yell at my son and the dogs and I just feel grumpy all the time. I'm tired, stressed and everyday it's the same routine. My husband gets upset with me sometimes cause he expects me to be cheerful when he comes home from work. He wants to play with me and I'm all like get off of me. I love my family more then anything but I kind of miss my past of not having to worry about anyone else but me. The house used to be clean all the time and I didn't have to worry about money as much. I know I need some "me time" but it's diffucult since my husband works so much and the only time we have together is the weekends, and if I ask for a few hours for me he makes me feel bad like "why do you want to leave us". We only have one car so during the week I'm pretty much stuck at home. It's just somethimes I feel like I lost myself. I used to be happy and the jokester. My friends always described me as the one who'd light up the room with my smile and presence and now it's the total opposite. It's not post partum depression, Julius is 27 months. Is anyone else feeling the same way sometimes?

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Kyla - posted on 07/07/2012




Hi Lena. I see that you posted this almost two years ago, but I entered 'patience' into the search bar and your post popped up. I lived the exact same senario. Well almost exact, except I am not married to my mate. He had visitation with his kids every other weekend and would leave them with me. I think he just expected me to suck it up. If I voiced my concerns and my feelings of isolation, he took it personally and we would inevitably argue. You are not the only one. I had to seek counceling. The monotomy drove me insane and I started letting my house go, I was yelling at my two year old, I lost touch with my friends, and so on. We only had one vehicle as well and I was stuck. I don't know...I guess when I read your post I felt a sort of relief and connection and I wanted to reach out to you. I really hope you found some time alone to decompress and enjoy yourself.

Katherine - posted on 07/24/2010




You need to get out of the house without the kids. I hear this so much. Is your husband willing to give you one day a week where you can just go out for 3-4 hours and do something you would like to do?
Ideally you need an hour to yourself everyday. There are mom groups too and maybe you should hire a babysitter once a week?
Have you ever tried meetup.com? I'm a pretty big fan, I've met a lot of people through there and sometimes it's enough just to have another mom with kids next to you.

[deleted account]

First of all what your feeling is normal and I think all of us at one moment or another have felt this. I ahve read alot of the posts here and there are some great advice!! I highly agree with the one that says getting out of the house at least once a day with your child, it will break up the four walls that surround you, a different change of atmosphere. If you had any close by friends within walking distance to take a walk to with your child and have adult time,when your husband comes home maybe taking the car to the library and just shopping by yourself even if its just groceries!!! your wellness is extremely important and this means physically as well as mentally. Eat well, sleep well, get into a routine, fit in down time to your schedule whether it be at naptime or whatever. Take a shower, relax, rejuvenate yourself=) You deserve it. Being a stay at home Mom is hard work but dont think of it as a bad thing, you have the most important job in the world!!! =) Oh , maybe a place where you can volenteer with your child, like a Boys and Girls club is a good idea if you have one in your area. I have a full time college student but in the summer I go part time so on my off days I volenteer in the kitchen at our local chapter, it gets my daughter out with her "friends" without me but I am right there in the same building to "spy" on her when I feel like it. Its kinda like trading off childcare for me to do something other than sitting in the house but also giving back to my community. Also depression may be the problem as well and depression meds if this is the problem can make a world of difference. i am not on them anymore but there was a time where I felt like I was going crazy and I was suffering from depression and I just needed a little boost in my serotonin=) Good luck!!!

User - posted on 07/24/2010




Create a support network..I am certain there are other mothers in your area experiencing the same thing. A mommy's group or play group would allow for adult interaction, occupy the kids, cooperative childcare which would allow you some me time. I wonder if you are really feeling that you should be doing more, having more?.

Danielle - posted on 07/24/2010




I know how you feel! Like you, I adore my family but it drives me crazy that I have NOTHING to myself anymore! Need to go the toilet? Yep my daughter is right there wanting to be picked up. I used to have a beautiful, clean, tidy house, but right now I can't even see the carpet for all the toys! Most of the time I feel like a cross between a servant and a housekeeper, and then my husband points out that he misses the attitude and personality I used to have... Hello? When do i have time to be funny and smart?? But enough of my complaining!! I find going for a walk every day helps, and I know that's a challenge trying to keep a toddler in the pram, but i walk for about half an hour then find a park to let my daughter free in, then she is more happy to get back in the pram to walk further. And I also find making plans for coffee or something with friends every few days gives me something to look forward to. And having a good whinge always helps too! But seriously, if things feel like they are getting too much, speak to your doctor and I'm sure they will have some ideas to help. Good luck!

Teresa - posted on 07/24/2010




My kids are now 21 and 17 and I was not smiling in joy of your situation but smiling with the OMGOSH I could have written that several years ago. First off..communicate, communicate, communicate with your husband. I remember a trip alone to the grocery store feeling like a day at the spa (sad huh?). Perhaps some established date nights alone with your hubby would be nice :)

One thing that was my saving grace was play groups with other moms and also some shared babysitting. I had 3 friends who would rotate mom's days out where we would share some babysitting duties one morning a week. I got 3 out of 4 days a month to do what I needed to do from 9-1 and one mom was the sitter who wore my kids out. I picked them up and was even able to put them down for a nap so one day a week was a HUGE break. On my days to watch the kids I had activities planned and my boys were so tired from play time they would nap and I would fall on the couch exhausted. WELL WORTH IT..

Although I don't feel that way now and I miss it to be honest you are feeling very normal feelings of an at home Mom. Oh and a clean house will come and go and truthfully I miss stepping on legos ;) enjoy the time and at the same time take care of YOURSELF. Set up some boundaries with your hubby and have him take care of Julius on Saturday morning and let you sleep in and care for yourself. Hang in there sweet girl this is a stage and I PROMISE it will pass and you will move to more challenges..like teenages ick... *big smiles*

Bless you!

Angela - posted on 07/24/2010




I guess you can see that we all feel like this, and like the others have said, it´s feeling like you´ve lost yourself. I used to feel guilty if I´d buy a chocolate bar on my way to work and eat it without sharing, then I´d get mad that I had to feel guilty! I don´t have any time to do anything like the gym, etc, but I did start buying home decorating magazines again, cos it has always been my escape. Even just doing something little like this that is just for the me I always was made a big difference.

Nichole - posted on 07/23/2010




Reading this it was almost like I could have written it. I don't have much of a temper, so I'm not yelling, but I do get so frustrated sometimes I feel like screaming.We only have one car too, so I'm stuck at home 24/7. You need to talk to your husband, tell him what's going on. You need to work as a team. My husband comes home and helps so much more now that I've told him how I get. I get out of the house more now, even just grocery shopping by myself gives me a break. (Plus my hubby thinks he has outsmarted me by getting out of shopping) I'm also looking to start a group around where I live for stay at home moms. We are strapped for cash, so I can't afford to join a gym (especially one with childcare) and I don't have the car during the day to drive back and forth.
The best advice I can give is, again, talk to your hubby. Let him know you are feeling cooped up. I hope things get better.

Kathy - posted on 07/23/2010




This is so normal. I think we all go through this. We get locked in these roles-mother, wife, house keeper, cook. Then when we need time for ourselves, we get made to feel guilty. Took me many years to figure out that there is nothing to feel guilty about. In order to be the best mother, wife, house-keeper, cook-you have to be first and fore-most the best you. That means having some down-time. Stop letting guilt keep you from having that. Find something that interests you. A Saturday book reading club or something. Just a couple of hours. It is amazing what taking just a couple of hours a week to do something for yourself does. In the fall, I am a weekly womens' bowling team. I love it. A couple hours out of the house. Girl talk. Fun. It is wonderful. Do some looking around and find something for yourself and take that time to recharge. Good luck!

JuLeah - posted on 07/23/2010




You sound like a tired mom in need of a break.

Does Julius attend any kind of day care? Can a friend/family member watch him for a few hours a week?

Take an acting class at night, join a book club, drop in sports at the Y, sign up at a gym with child care, volunteer for a cuse you feel strongly about .....

It seems like you have kind of lost yourself. That can happen, but it can be fixed - I mean you can find yourself again.

I think it is about blance.

Make sure you are getting enough sleep (9 hours) or more - Very important!!!

Drink enough water - eight glasses a day - no sugar

People eat sugar and their blood suagr levels rise to 120 - which makes ya feel good and like you have energy, but your body reacts by kicking out insulin, which drops your blood sugar level down to 70, where you feel cranky, tired, grumpy, and crave sugar :(

Keep your blood sugar level at about 90 where you fel your best, but to do that, you can't eat sugar.

Maybe you can join or start a play group with your kid and other moms' ?

Your husband needs to understand your need for me time - and if he doesn't, you still need to find it and take it - he will catch up sooner or later :)

What you are feeling is normal - you are wise to see it and take action

Dawn - posted on 07/23/2010




You are not alone!! I am trying to make an appointment with a primary to discuss options, because I think that my worst mood swings are tied into my menstruation. Here is what I do to manage for now: 1) Allow yourself to be OK with not feeling right, its not anything you are doing wrong! Don't apologize to anyone (unless you really do or say something horrible!!), 2) Don't clean your house!! Ok that isn't really doable, but only do what needs to be done and no more....I can't remember the last time I dusted or washed blinds or curtains or organized cabinets, 3) Get out of the house, every day with your son, 1x/week alone or with a friend and maybe once a month or every 2 weeks with your husband, 4) get plenty of sleep and rest...if I can't nap when my son is, I try to lay on the couch when he plays or watches a DVD program. Good luck!!

Kim - posted on 07/23/2010




I know exactly how you feel- and I've only been home for 2months. We also only have the 1 car. So I am home 24/7. I was losing my mind. I actually yelled at my husband the other day for going out for lunch because I was jealous of his freedom.

I've started to go for a walk daily with my daughter. Getting out of the house has really helped to improve my mood- even just going around the block. I also started to journal. Just writing out my frustrations is a good release.

It may not be post partum, but depression can start up at anytime. If it doesn't start to improve, or you feel its getting worse, you may want to consider consulting you Dr. :)

Lyndsay - posted on 07/23/2010




Sometimes, yeah. My hubby gets upset with me sometimes because I'm not always happy and upbeat, and sometimes I just want to be left alone. (Like when I first wake up in the mornings.. don't bug me!) I think its perfectly normal and perfectly acceptable, you should be allowed to take time for yourself. Becoming a mother does not mean giving up your own identity, you are still a person... just like your husband and child.. and you deserve to nurture your own self as well.

Melanie - posted on 07/23/2010




Don't worry, what your going through is more than normal. I've lived and heard different variations of the same story with all my girlfriends. As women, we often think that we should be a great friend, a wonderful wife, a great lover, a wonderful mother, an exceptional housekeeper ect... the list goes on for miles. Every single time we add onto the list we push ourselves as individuals farthur down on the list. At least that's what happened to me. It got to a point that I felt so frustrated about every little thing. After alot of thought and of course a bit of therapy I realised that I was frustrated because I felt that I lost myself in the process. When you are constantly thinking about the needs and wants of others, you don't ask anything for yourself. So my advice would be to try and find a moment to make yourself happy or suggest to your partner and/or your friends, things that you would enjoy etc.. It took me about a month to get my happy face back on.

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