Where's the justice!

Shez - posted on 09/25/2016 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I have had custody battles for 12 yrs and it's not about the money it's how you come across my ex has abused my children denied it all changed kids stories and everything gets more access 5 days/nights. He refuses to do any extra curriculum with kids we pay for everything he gets a free ride with everything I organize he refuses my kids so upset now 10 and 12 they don't even want to go. I take my hat off for all good fathers out there that support their kids but my ex works and especially in holidays where his mum flys down from qld where they cud be with me where kids want to be. When it's his time he won't do half homework or assignments even refuses to get a printer so kids loose points at school for lack or irrisponsibility. He takes them to work and all they do is sit on their iPads and they have to do homework by themselves. I do everything for my kids doesn't matter the cost but if I organize it he refuses to take them. They are so far behind and courts just laugh. Where's the justice here, even through abuse.

14 Comments

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Kodie - posted on 09/29/2016

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I understand what you are going through. I have been through custody battles for the same amount of years. The courts hate seeing the same people over and over and unless the children say the exact right phrase needed, the abuse charges will never get taken seriously. I had to get many emergency protective orders, many CPS cases opened, many modification attempts, many pictures, kept notes for years about everything. The only thing that got me to where we needed to be was my boy getting old enough to understand and stand up for himself, telling the other parent that he wanted to be elsewhere and then after years of the same thing over and over the other parent gave up. We never stopped pushing. It was so time consuming and painful but just dont give up. Your children are the most important thing and as long as you dont give up someone will take notice and it will go your way. We got laughed out of family court many many times but at the end they finally got it. It takes forever doing it the legal way but if you know it is what is best for your children dont stop. Good Luck :)

Michelle - posted on 09/29/2016

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I would look at changing schools.
You should be able to talk to them about your concerns and they should listen.

Shez - posted on 09/26/2016

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Hi Jodi, wow! You're lucky...ye I'm sure the judges get tired of it but we simply don't have the money to be going in and out of court. The courts give it all to the fathers atm doesn't matter of situation. Depends on what lawyer you get as well.
I just have to wait until kids get a bit older but do what we can in the process...
Funny enough it's a sda (seventh day Adventist) school but I don't know why they won't do anything I keep pushing but nothing. The principal never responds ro me either she says how wonderful my kids father is and I don't do anything it's heartbreaking we do all the hardwork. My husband great with kids in remarried with 2 kids and another on the way, hence my emotions sorry. Thanks for your support:)

Shez - posted on 09/26/2016

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Hi Michelle,
I have done that but the school don't do anything about it. My son really struggles at school we are planning on doing outside of school help. Thank you we do, we do a lot of gr8 things with the kids and give them a lot of love.
I am also remarried with 2 more children and also pregnant with another on the way:) so our life goes on but I just feel guilty and heartbroken for my other 2 children. You know it's so hard when my ex didn't even want them in first place was trying and push me into an abortion but I refused, so how does a father like that deserve being a father and kids don't deserve having his last name? and he acts like he cares but he's just the "fun dad" doesn't teach them anything. Ye you're right I just gotta take a step back although it's hard when kids complain of what he's doing it's hard to leave it...I just have to leave it behind and pray...:)thank you:)

Michelle - posted on 09/26/2016

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I'm sure that if you had a sit down talk to the school, they would be able to see that the homework isn't done when the children are with Dad.
I haven't had a problem with the schools like that either and I have been doing 50/50 shared care for over 11 years.
I think the best thing you can do at the moment is to make a stable loving home for your children when they are with you. You can't control what happens at Dad's but you can control what happens with you.
I know it's ideal but sometimes it's better to just step back. It won't be long until the courts will listen to the children.

Jodi - posted on 09/26/2016

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Shez, I honestly have been in your shoes. I am not coming from a place of no knowledge and no empathy. It was actually my ex that kept taking it back to court, to the point where the magistrate got sick of the pettiness and awarded full parental responsibility to me - a very rare thing these days. My son was 11 when that happened. Now he is 19 and he got through it okay.

Children get to have a say at 12, but it is only a say, not a definite choice. Generally, by the time they are 15-16, courts won't bother with the battle between parents, they will take children's wishes 100% into account unless there is a genuine risk to the child so there is no point to the court process.

I'm sorry the school is not being supportive. That has never really been my experience. Is it an independent private school, or a catholic school?

Shez - posted on 09/26/2016

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Sorry I just got emotional...I must have read the wrong way...the thing is he's a Gd talker and perceives to teachers that he does everything and I'm bad guy so teachers look up to him and I get the slam, even principle so that's out of my hands they don't help but I take your advice and when my son in high school next year I'll def do that. I have talked to them they ever get back to me. There's no way I'm going back to court that was 2 yrs of heartache and waste of money, I could have brought a house...ill just have to wait until kids come of age, do you know what age they get to choose? Nothing I can do he's gonna do what he's gonna do so just have to let go...just want to be free...

Jodi - posted on 09/26/2016

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Um, I didn't slam you. I asked questions. I NEVER said you were the one picking the battles. I simply asked some questions! Nowhere there did I suggest you were the one creating the problems. How about taking a step back and rereading it from that perspective?

So your kids are in private school. My kids are in Catholic schools. It doesn't have to be different. They are often supportive around these things too. Talk to their Year coordinator or teacher (I'm assuming it is primary school?) about the issue and see if they can support you with a solution. Private schools still have libraries with computers and printers. You can't force your ex to do anything unless it is specified in your court orders. If it doesn't say in the court orders that he has to provide a printer, then there is little you can do to force him to get one.

In no way was I suggesting YOU were picking fights. I was suggesting YOU can't CONTROL him and his choices with the kids on his time. I'm sorry that sounds like saying "suck it up". But essentially, there really IS very little you can do about it. He's an uncooperative ass.......but you can't change that short of going back to court and having these things specified in court orders. And it's unlikely the court will look favourably on you if you take it back to court yet again over things that you can't really control.

Shez - posted on 09/26/2016

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Jodi, You know I came on this for support not to be slammed at putting it on me that I'm the one picking the battles, you don't know the inside story. Yes I put my kids in private school so is very different. Yes it has been 12 yrs as my oldest is 12 and he split wit me a few weeks after I had my son and took it to court as he was abusing my children which he denied and got away with. So no it's not an exaggeration as I know what's going on, not you! My children want to do things he says yes then doesn't let them do anything even if it's a school thing. I do organize my events when they with me but sometimes you can't as there's a planned thing that happens on other times. I am NOT the one trying to pick fights I'm doing the best for my kids and for that they respect us for that, they don't even like to go so for you to say suck it up forget this site as all I wanted was a little support not to be slammed down my throat like I've always got from my ex and the school...

Jodi - posted on 09/26/2016

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I am just going to say, child support isn't huge in Australia, especially if in minimum wage jobs. I totally understand. My ex paid me $32 a month for years........so I do understand your concern about him not paying for anything and getting a free ride. It is frustrating, but not much can be done, unfortunately. The system is flawed.

With regard to the school, I don't know what state you are in, but it is once a fortnight. I imagine your kids are still in primary school? I a not sure why it is such a big deal. If they can't print it out, give them a USB and they can take it to the teacher on that. I am a high school teacher and I have kids do this all the time - some people just can print stuff out. Not all kids have technology at home to do that! Students often bring me a USB at recess or lunch break to print something out. The chances are, the library has computers and printers, so they could take the USB there during the day sometime to get it printed. There are solutions. I am a public high school teacher, and we take circumstances into consideration on an individual basis as required. I have plenty of students on week about, and with some, one home supports homework and the other doesn't. We just work with the child caught in the middle as best we can. I guess if your kids are in private or catholic education it may be different.

If you have particular court orders, he doesn't have to let you have the kids when your mum comes from Queensland. That's just the way it is. If he is going to be uncooperative, you need to organise your "events" at times you have the kids, not times he has them. I get that he is being a pain in the butt, but there is little you can do.

You mention you have been in custody battles for 12 years (although your youngest is only 10, so this is perhaps an exaggeration??), I question why. I do understand it isn't all going your way, but you shouldn't expect it too. How many times have you had to go back to court and why? Maybe it is time to just accept what it is and stop? Who is the one instigating the court battles?

Shez - posted on 09/26/2016

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Hi Jodi,
You can read what I've just written I hope it explains it better. If you want to know anything just ask me :)

Shez - posted on 09/26/2016

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Sorry I'm new to this and was in a rush lol...
Ok I'm the primary carer
During the week they are at mine and my ex's he has 5 days and nights every fortnight from Thursday-Tuesday. So weekends one weekend with me other with their father
The access is fortnightly.
Yes I have told school they do give extensions but not happy about it.
He pays child support but not a lot for 2 kids.
Thanks for your comments:)

Michelle - posted on 09/26/2016

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You haven't really explained it very well.
Who has primary custody?
Where do the children live during the week?
Where are they on weekends?
What do you mean by he got access 5 days/nights? Is that a week, fortnight or month?
You can explain to the school the the Father doesn't have a printer at home.
Who is paying child support?

Jodi - posted on 09/25/2016

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So your ex has primary custody during the week? And you get weekends? I guess I'm confused as to what your court orders say - your post wasn't very clear. And I'm assuming someone is paying child support in all of this?

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