Where to draw the line

Valeria - posted on 04/13/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )

59

0

6

I spoke with the father of my 6 month old baby about the monthly expenses and also custody and all those issues. We both agreed that we did not want to go to court and we have been getting along much better than before. Unfortunately he has a girlfriend, but now that we both get long and talk everyday not just about the baby but other things also. He tells me when he gets off from work and yesterday he mentioned he had been playing football in the morning which is no big deal except he hasn't told me what he's been doing in months. We had lost our communication a long long long time ago. Now that he has a girlfriend and I know about it (about 11/2 weeks since I found out he had a gf from his cousin) we seem to be talking a lot more. My question is where should I draw the line. He already made it clear that he has a gf and is "messing" around with her (shes a co-worker) and says he still loves me, yet when we talked about this new relationship he said I have to accept it... which I do, but its hard now that we're going back to our original goofy conversations. When he comes over we laugh and talk with the baby and everything seems fine. But there is this girl who I don't know. I want to get over him and everything once and for all, but he wants us to be ok. which is fine, but I don't know if me being ok and acting like nothing is wrong is the best thing to do in this situation. I keep thinking that he may leave this girl, but yet he isn't, and from what he said she came into his life in a vulnerable time when him and I were in a really bad place. I want to have a good relationship with him for my son, but I don't want him to think that everything is 100% ok when in reality it isn't or at least not to me.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Cutemommy - posted on 04/16/2015

121

0

8

Do you think he might be manipulating you so he doesn't have to go to court and have a set time?? are you 100% positive he makes less what if he got a raise or a new job. Idk I'm not a very trusting person so I think differently than you might but for him to start coming around cause you know about his girlfriend sounds like he is trying to kiss arse. It also sounds like he is telling you tmi about his relationship probably to downplay the seriousness of how much he loves her. Im not saying you have to go to court but you need to put your foot down, and tell him you don't give a damn about his personal life and he needs only to contact you when it is about your baby. One day he is going to be married having a baby and your going to be like but you said you didn't love her. Just be wise and don't trust the things he is telling you girl he might just be mind f*cking you... and i mean this in no harmful way i hope the best for you and your baby.

Ev - posted on 04/16/2015

7,218

7

909

Its time to go to court then. No matter how much he is contributing now or not won't be what makes the final decision of the judge in any case for that matter. He is keeping on going over the same thing about you three being together and to you its not something you want. Its time to put this to rest. Get the custody, visitation and child support set.

Jodi - posted on 04/13/2015

3,517

36

3906

I agree that you should get court orders in place for custody and visitation and file for the child support so it is all documents. With regard to your relationship with him, it should be a coparenting relationship. It appears to me you may be confusing this with a couple relationship. His role is as father to the baby, not a companion to you. If you get along, that is absolutely fantastic, but he has moved on. You need to as well.

Ev - posted on 04/13/2015

7,218

7

909

You should really have court orders in place for custody, visitation, and child support anyhow. It will protect all of you and keep you all in line as far as whose role is what and how it plays out. Next, its okay to spend time with him as long as its about the child and giving the child the chance to have both parents together. You need to stop having those silly or goofy conversations with him outside that to do with the baby.

8 Comments

View replies by

Valeria - posted on 04/17/2015

59

0

6

I think you are absolutely right. I will keep your advice in mind, I honestly haven't thought about it in tour point of view and its a good one. He may be lying to me, he already did before and got himself a girlfriend 3 months ago that I just found out 2 weeks ago to be exact. He didn't even have the guts to tell me, I had to find out from his own cousin. I think he is manipulating me to have things go his way, and I wont take more of his mind games.

Valeria - posted on 04/16/2015

59

0

6

Trisha, I have told him that I need to do this and maintain as little communication with him as possible at least for now until I get my thoughts and feelings straightened. My mother is the one who takes care of the baby so I just said he can text or call her when he is going to see the baby not me. And child support so we don't have to talk about money at all. I don't understand why it is so difficult if I have accepted the situation and have no once fought him or put ultimatums regarding his relationship and my son. I have been very accepting I don't understand why he cant do the same. When it was him who moved on to begin with. I will settle this and set custody, child support, visitation etc. Its Frustrating that he can let go of his family, but wont let me move on.

Trisha - posted on 04/16/2015

551

0

13

It will be very important for you to communicate that you need certain boundaries set up. I know had I not set up and said "hey, I can't have any more communication with you, because it hurts me" my ex would likely still try to be my best friend. I was lucky enough to not have children with my ex.

It might be worth telling him "I need to move on, and in order to do that the only time we should be talking is about our son, and parenting him".

But, I do agree...custody, visitations, child support is a must...but I have a feeling that you are writing this post more on a emotional standpoint.

Valeria - posted on 04/16/2015

59

0

6

Evelyn and Jodi,, I already told him that we should just go to court that way we don't have to even discuss anything or have problems later. but he doesn't want that. He says we're fine right now and he doesn't want to ruin the good relationship that we have now. I told him the less we have to talk the better and that things can only get better from now o. I have been pretty accepting with the situation, the thing about child support is he would probably pay less than what he's been helping me with since recently he has been splitting everything 50/50. I make more than him so I know that he will give me less and I told him that I am fine with that, that he will win in the end bc he wont spend as much as he is now. but he said he doesn't want that he wants to keep doing what we are. And now he tells me we could work out that we're finally getting along. But I already made it clear that our relationship is in the past and the less we speak the better for everyone. he wants to talk about it, but I guess I finally reached that point where I don't want to go back. Specially since the trust I had in him is broken. Even if we got back together I will always have that in my mind, that every fight we have or bad phase he will go find someone else. And as for my son, he has been coming a lot more frequently actually ever since I confronted him about him having a gf he's been coming at least every other day, so for before he would come every week or longer. I just want my space away from him to let myself move on, but he's not letting that happen. and it makes me mad because he did and he has a gf so idk what the problem is now.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms