Whining & crying

Lee-Anne - posted on 11/20/2011 ( 24 moms have responded )

6

16

0

My little girl of 18 months doesn't speak as yet but whines and cries for evreything! How do I get her to say 'ta' and have a little patience in getting what she wants?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Diane - posted on 11/22/2011

20

6

0

Have you had your pediatrician check your little girls hearing?
A lot of children take awhile to start talking, but you have to be sure that there is not a build up of wax and that she is hearing ok. Always discussthis with your pediatrician.

Next you play sound games. MaMaMa, PaPaPa, DaDaDa, LaLaLa. Children start with babbling and proceed to stringing sounds together.

This gets her tongue working. Use a mirror and show her how her tongue goes clear up to the roof of her mouth. Saying KaKaKaKa and letting her watch how the back of your tongue can hit the roof of your mouth. Let her stick her tongue out and try to touch her nose. Go side to side from the corners of her mouth. This is funny. Laugh with her.

Children start with a nonsensical language that mirrors your pattern of speach. Sing, talk and read to her. Do not make her feel as though her speech is unacceptable. If she is trying to come close to any sound in the word that she is trying to say, smile, laugh, clap your hands and yes that is....and use the correct word. Say it slowly. You could use it in a simple sentence. I love eating a banana. Do not say, "That is not a Ba." That will lead to low self esteem if you are always correcting her.

Laugh and play with her. "Yes, that is a banana. Great!" Always repeat the correct word. So she hears it.

By 18 months most toddlers are saying a few words, but don't get upset if she isn't. Some don't. I am a speech therapist and my grand-daughter didn't until 2. She even needed a speech therapist for awhile but speaks well now.

The important thing is how you are responding to her. Some of the sign language is okay as well.

At 18 months, she should be able to follow a few simple commands, such as, "Please pick up that toy or Please hand me that doll."

If she is showing other signs of a delayed development, again talk to the pediatrician.

Sometimes these children will just all of a sudden explode with speech. Be watchful. Love her and play with her and read to her.

Krista - posted on 11/22/2011

12,562

16

845

As far as the whining and crying goes, she's using that because it works. So you need to first of all, give her an alternative. If her language skills are still nascent, then why not try teaching her a few very basic signs? When she uses the sign, give her what she wants right away (if possible and practical). If she whines and cries, say, "Mommy doesn't like whining. It hurts her ears. Can you SHOW Mommy what you want?" This will (eventually...not overnight) teach her that she gets a lot more by asking nicely than by whining and crying.

Once she's got that down, you can work on teaching more patience. Teaching patience is tricky. One method that works well is what's called "patience-stretching". So let's say she asks for something. You go to hand it to her and then go "Oh, wait! Mommy just has to do something for 5 seconds first!" And you turn your back for just 5 seconds, and then turn back around and go, "There! All done! Here you go, sweetie!"

Once she's able to wait 5 seconds, you can stretch it to 10 seconds, 15 seconds and more. Tell her how much time she'll have to wait, but once in awhile, give her the item BEFORE the time is up, as a little reward.

This teaches her to be a bit more patient, and teaches her that even if Mommy makes her wait for something, it doesn't mean she's not going to have it..it just means she has to wait.

Don't try the patience stretching until you've pretty much eradicated the whining. You want her to feel that communicating with words and signs will give her the results she wants. Otherwise, she'll just get frustrated and regress to whining.

Joyi - posted on 11/22/2011

30

19

0

I feel your pain! My 2yo pretty much made me bonkers before he started speaking. I just TRIED to remember that he didn't have the words to tell me what he wants yet, and that whining was as much frustration on his part as it was frustrating to me. I often would tell my son to point to what he wanted and as he started making "word sounds," then I reminded him to use his words. My standard response was / is, "I do not understand you when you talk that way, show me what you want / use your words and then I can help you." It really did not take long for him to come and grab my hand and drag me to wherever... now that he is 2 1/2, and speaks reasonably well - I make him use his words and he is not allowed to drag me wherever. I also found that bits of baby sign-language helped too... I didn't do the full deal like my sister, but used the most common signs for eat, drink, etc. That gave my son another way to communicate and helped a lot with the whining.

Karenda - posted on 11/23/2011

50

12

0

You might want to try doing baby signs with her. This would give her a way to express herself until she gets better at talking. Both my kids loved doing the signs and it really reduced their frustration (whining and crying). https://www.babysigns.com/ has a free email newsletter that you can sign up for or you could get an American Sign Language book from the library.

[deleted account]

First, remember at the ripe old age of toddler, the world resolves around her.  When wanting to take anything from her or if she hands you anything, say "ta" or "please" to her as you take it, and of course "thank you" once you have whatever you have taken from her.  When she starts to whine for something, ask her (not in baby talk) what she wants.  For example, "Do you want a drink?"  As you give it to her, just say "ta?", (in the form of a question).  She just a baby  and will learn quickly through examples. Using "please" and "thank you" with everyone in her presence will be good for her to witness on an ongoing basis, even if she doesn't seem to be paying attention.  You'd be amazed about what they see or hear going on around them when they are focused on playing hard.  I used to tell my kids that I couldn't hear whining or didn't understand the language of "whine".  However; they were older than 18 months.  By the way, make sure you don't whine when speaking to anyone  in her presence, as that will reinforce it as a positive way of speaking.  All the best, enjoy your family.

24 Comments

View replies by

Cheryl - posted on 11/28/2011

78

82

3

my little gr. niece was not whining or crying, but when she came over for tea with her mother, and she wanted a biscuit or cake, she would open her mouth up wide and poke her finger in it, just to let us know that she needed some too.... very funny and cute. They just get frustrated, and once you give a name to everything they soak in things very quickly, even though they cant pronounce it.... like "yes" and nod your head, and this little gr. niece was doing that too. She'll be fine within the year, I'll bet.

Lee-Anne - posted on 11/23/2011

6

16

0

Thank you everyone for your helpful comments - i have taken in alot and know how to go forward :) Again, thanks for the support!

Penny - posted on 11/23/2011

29

4

0

For Joanna - not sure where Lee-anne is from but I am Australian and even adults here use 'ta' instead of thank you. I believe they do the same in NZ and the UK also, tho don't quote me :)



My nearly two-y.o. is going through the same stage. I assume the whining is because she is just as frustrated that I don't understand her! Hope she gains a little more patience soon, but in the mean time, I focus on keeping my cool.

Sabel - posted on 11/23/2011

12

0

0

You may want to schedule her for an evaluation with a speech therapist or a speech & hearing center. My son is non-verbal, but making progress. he started speech therapy at about this age. The whining & crying are how she is "communicating" now. Your dr may need to make a referral. Meanwhile, you can google signs for simple words like please or help & teach her.

Lynn - posted on 11/23/2011

27

39

1

My son is 15 months old and we have taught him the basic sign language for "More" and "Please". I am so thankful that at least a couple times a day he uses this instead of whining and I know what he is wanting. He has come up with his own sign language for hungry or eat. He also uses the "more" sign language for saying that he wants something so it is starting to work for things other than food. For example he does the "More" sign and then points to a toy or book or if I don't understand sometimes I can get him to walk and show me what it is he wants.

Abby - posted on 11/23/2011

9

0

1

Some kids wait til they are 2 1/2 to say very many words. Have you tried signing? The basic signs for please, thank you etc. are very simple and stop the whining. Good luck.

Becky - posted on 11/23/2011

15

40

1

Have her hearing checked by her pediatrician first. If she passes, contact your local early intervention office to set up an appt for an evaluation for services. My daughter started speech therapy at about 22 months and is still in speech therapy at 6 1/2 yrs, but has come a long way.

AYDAH - posted on 11/22/2011

3

0

0

most children talk and communicate at their own paste but as us as parents our communication should be regurluar i mean talk to her more clearly and not baby language. Do a lot of one to one by reading books and flash cards they are very important try and do as much social skill with her even at least once or twice a day dont let her feel left out because of her language problems try it and see how you go and good luck

Natalie - posted on 11/22/2011

6

5

0

Try really really hard to not help her out when she's whining. It can be hard sometimes, but children are so smart, & she'll soon figure it out that whining doesn't work and she needs to say "ta". Also look at how you are reacting to her, and make sure you aren't reacting faster when she is whining (to shut her up quickly - it's natural to do that) because she is so smart she'll whine more and more to continue getting what she wants fast.

Angi - posted on 11/22/2011

1

22

0

Get her hearing checked! My son was saying 3 words at 18 months. We took him to an ENT and he failed his hearing test miserably. We got tubes put in his ears and it was like a miracle! He started saying words within a couple of days. There was even a period of 3 weeks where there was a new word a day!

Do it sooner rather than later. My friend waited until her son was over 2 and now needs intensive speech therapy 3 times a week. Better to be safe than sorry!

Good luck!

Krista - posted on 11/22/2011

12,562

16

845

Diane, if I could give you 40 "helpful"s, I would. Lee-Anne, Diane's advice is the exact advice I got from my son's speech therapist, and his language has started exploding just in the last week. So take note: what she's saying? It works. :)

Rasa - posted on 11/22/2011

9

0

0

My children whine and cry when they are young too. It was really hard for me with my first child and then I relized, "she is really frustrated because she doesn't know how to communicate her need." I didn't condone whining at all, but spoke gently and said "show mommy what you want." with my son, I showed him the signs "please" and "all done" so that he could communicate that he either wanted something or was done eating whatever I was feeding him. This helped a whole lot. Children are not born with self-control... They must be patiently taught through instruction and example. :)

Jessie - posted on 11/22/2011

11

0

0

She could be whining because she feels frustrated because she can't get the words out properly yet. Four years ago when my daughter was born there was a big move to teach kids sign language. I never really bothered because my daughter sort of invented her own signs for things. She would often use speech and a physical gesture to make her point. If you use a sign, when you speak the word, it might give her an extra communication tool. By the way have you had her hearing tested, while we are on the topic of signs?

Jessica - posted on 11/22/2011

16

0

0

I used to say "mommy doesn't understand that kind of voice, point to what you want if you don't know how to say it". Worked well and the whining stopped immediately.

Firebird - posted on 11/22/2011

2,660

30

521

She's only 18 months, she still needs to learn the words that will replace the whining and crying. These things take time.

Lee-Anne - posted on 11/22/2011

6

16

0

We repeat everything daily when giving her things or showing her something - just gets frustrating, so anything else but crying :)

Firebird - posted on 11/21/2011

2,660

30

521

Just curious here, why do you want her to say 'ta' instead of actual words? Whatever you want to teach her, repitition is key.

Tamara - posted on 11/21/2011

10,839

65

437

first relax if its stressing you out she will feel it then she will cry and whine more. and teach her, Oh you want a this, calm down first then hand it to her. I know its hard it will pass and she will learn to ask for things :)

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms