Who deserves to be on the Birth Certificate...

Giuliana - posted on 09/21/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I am 7 months pregnant in the state of IL with my first baby. When I found out I was pregnant (unplanned) I had the biological father go with me to planned parenthood and when the test came back positive he started yelling at me to get an abortion and saying i was selfish for letting this happen (even though i took the plan B pill as directions said to). He was very unstable and borderline harassing me to get rid of my baby. An ex (same sex relationship) stepped in and talked to him for me because she was able to be patient and calm. The biological father told both of us that he wants nothing to do with the baby because it would ruin his life (he also said he would kill himself) and that he doesn't want to hear from myself or the baby ever again. Since then, my ex (girlfriend) and i have gotten back together and she stepped up to the role he was supposed to fill. She started a career, got us a huge apartment, and has been there every step of the way for everything. So my question is, If we are married, can she put her name on the birth certificate? We plan on starting the second-parent adoption process after the baby is born. Any sort of advice would be greatly appreciated!

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Sarah - posted on 09/21/2015

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No. She must adopt first then once adoption is finalized you will get a new birth certificate. You will need to terminate the bio father's rights before she can adopt.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/21/2015

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No, she cannot. The child is NOT her child. The BC is a LEGAL document, and falsification is punishable by law.
You know who the father is, put his name on the paperwork. If he doesn't want to be involved, he can rescind his rights, which will mean that you cannot go for support, but he cannot go for parental rights and visitation either.

Dove - posted on 09/21/2015

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The biological parents go on the birth certificate... I do have friends who have been able to get a new birth certificate w/ the adoptive father listed... but the biological father's rights had to be terminated through the courts first.... falsifying a birth certificate is illegal.

Michelle - posted on 09/21/2015

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Like Sarah said. The birth certificate is a legal document stating the parents (Mother and Father). Since 2 women can't conceive a child naturally I doubt you can but your girlfriend as the "Father". You can leave the Father blank though.
ETA: It's not a matter of who "deserves" to be on the BC, it's who is actually the parents.

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Sarah - posted on 09/22/2015

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Why is this even a question? The two people who created the child go on the birth certificate. End of story. To alter the information is to commit fraud. The bio parents go on the birth certificate for good reason (to prevent inter marriage, and collection of death or disability benefits in the unfortunate event of one parent dying or getting hurt)
It is not a contest of who is most worthy, or who wants it the most, It is a law! Amendment after the fact is another matter.

Raye - posted on 09/22/2015

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I agree with what the other's have already said. Put the father's name on the certificate. Go to court to have him formally give up his rights. Do the legal adoption.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/21/2015

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PS...It's not about who 'deserves' it...It's about what's legal, and what you should do to stay within the law. As another poster pointed out, your same sex partner could not have conceived the child with you, so unless the father's rights are legally terminated, she cannot adopt, and you cannot amend the certificate.

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