Who do you choose for emergency pick up from daycare?

Christine - posted on 10/17/2011 ( 38 moms have responded )

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I have a serious issue that I am not sure how I can resolve it without causing a major rift in my immediate family. I do not trust any of my immediate relatives to be an emergency pick up person for my children at daycare. One of them is a terrible driver, and I am scared to even get into the the same car while this person is driving, plus the same person is unable to get my children into and out of their respective carseats properly (yes, even out of). Any suggestions would be most appreciated. Thank you!

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Amy - posted on 10/17/2011

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Why do they even need to know they aren't listed as an emergency contact. We have a neighbor listed for a contact and another mom that we know. Family doesn't need to know that they won't be the ones called.

Erin - posted on 10/18/2011

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I would put friends or other relatives on there instead. I don't think you should feel forced to put her on it, especially if you don't trust her. Tell her that they would only let you put down one immediate family member and one friend?

Bekah - posted on 10/18/2011

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I was blessed to find an older lady with grown children in our church I trusted. Once, my husband was out of state on buisness and I had a long planned trip out of state with my aunt. I asked this lady to watch my girls and bring them to school and pick them up. She did, and an emergency had me have to stay out of town a week instead of a weekend. My daughter's were very well card for and I wasn't strewed because I knew they were safe. I certainly paid her for her help though! She was worth GOLD to me and I wanted to keep her favor! We moved back home and while I'm thankful for that, i miss having having that lady to help me and I could trust.

[deleted account]

I don't trust my mother in law so I came up with a believable white lie. I said she worked too far away and wouldn't be able to respond in an emergency situation. What she doesn't know is that my dad works the same distance away BUT I trust him completely with my son. Maybe you can come up with some sort of excuse that seems believable too!

Jenni - posted on 10/19/2011

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This is a pet hate of mine so sorry if I sound harsh! Just because they are family doesn't necessarily mean they are the best for your child - do you say that it's ok to have a family member around your child who is a paedophile? Seriously your child is the most important thing in your life so thier safety comes first ahead of offending relatives and friends. If your relatives cannot show you and your family respect then I don't consider that to be the meaning of a family! If you have said to this person time and again that you feel unsafe in their car then you have even more of a right to say no. They aren't showing you or your family any respect by driving crazy! Being family doesn't give anyone the right to rule or control your life - only you have that right and the right to do what is best for your family. I no longer keep family or friends who don't respect me or give back in return. I want my daughter to be shown that it is ok to say no to family and only keep those who respect your decision even if they don't agree. My husband and myself have given to family constantly in the hope that they will change and they never did. Best thing I ever did was to stand up to my mother, we ended up as friends and she respected me. We have cousins and friends who I am close to and who I know I can rely on at any time and they know I can rely on me in return. At the end of the day it is your decision and you have to be 100% satisfied and know you did the best for your child at the time. Goodluck bad journey yet could be the best!

38 Comments

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Erika - posted on 10/19/2011

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On our emergency/alternate pickup list (aside from my hubby and I) are my mom and our friends. They are local. My hubby's side of the family all live 4+ hours away so they're not even included on the list. If they were going to be in town and picking up, it would only be with my hubby...not alone.

Alexandra - posted on 10/19/2011

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you can alswys choose a frined for an emergency pickup. Why do you want to choose a family member? It should be a person that you trust completely, family or not.

Gwen - posted on 10/19/2011

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I have 4 people listed as emergency back-ups: Grandma, Grandpa, Sister-in-Law and a former babysitter. It can be anyone you want. Pick a friend or someone else outside of the family who is willing/able to be on call. Are your family members even aware you are filling out these forms? If not, don't even bother mentioning it.

Christine - posted on 10/19/2011

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Many thanks to all for all of the suggestions. I finally added my best friend (who lives 40 minutes away, mind you, and she still said yes), my neighbor, my parents, and then mother-in-law, with instructions to call her as an absolute last resort. Basically, I had to come to the conclusion that unless my husband and I happen to pass away at the same time (heaven forbid, and it is extremely unlikely), then I think we will have bigger problems on our hands as to who will pick up our children from daycare. I thank you all for the insight, and I think I can consider this one resolved! :)

Beth - posted on 10/19/2011

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Do you have a person that watches your kids when you need them to? With my situation, my parents have our children the most. My dad watches our son and will watch our new child as well. When we go away for any length of time, my parents keep them. I can name only a few occassions where my husbands parents have watched our children. One I don't trust his dad because he was never around for my husband growing up. Plus he smokes. My husband's mother is currently raising our nephew, so we never want to bombard her with having another child (well two now). I think its an unspoken known fact that I only trust my parents with our children.

I would go through who you would trust to pick up your children. How long would they have them. Where would they stay. etc. You could create rules for whomever you are choosing and if they wont follow those, then move on to someone else. Its your children were talking about, if you don't feel that their safe with someone, that is enough reason to NOT have them watch them. And you don't need to explain anything. Their your children!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/19/2011

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Hmmm....well I cannot help you with the driving shitty issue, but you could teach that person proper safety functions of a car seat. Is this your ONLY person to be an emergency pick up person? If not, they won't be any the wiser if they are not on the list. You need to feel comfortable with who has your children.

Mommy - posted on 10/19/2011

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I think when it comes to the safety of your kid, you just need to do what's best for you. My dad and step-mom used to watch my daughter 2 days a week for a few hours, but after my dad died my step-mom hasn't been as focused, and I was concerned about how she was caring for my daughter. I told her I appreciated her watching her, but that my husband wanted to spend more time with her so he would stay with her. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but if anything ever happened to my kid I would seriously hurt someone, and never forgive myself.

Patrice - posted on 10/19/2011

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Will the people that are on not on the emergency list even know that they are not on there? But just for safety reasons and just in case those that you really want to pick the kids up is not avaiable that day of the emergency you should just add everyone, put a star next to who you want called first, but at least have them on the list just in case the other family are not available, out of town or etc, you would rather be safe than sorry. I have serveral people on my emergency list because you know who will or will not be available at the time you truly need them to be.

Rachel - posted on 10/19/2011

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I think it's who ever you trust whether it be family or not. My son's dad and I are divorced so while he thinks his current girlfriend should be on the list I do not. We have had words because of her butting in the past so I am just not comfortable with her doing that. Like I said it all depends on how comfortable you are with who you pick. If the daycare doesn't have a preferance of it being family or not then pick whom ever you choose.

Carrie - posted on 10/18/2011

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I would choose a close friend, someone you know well in your neighborhood, or another parent from daycare. if you don't know anyone that well, make it a point to ask one of the other parents out for a playdate. you can ask them to meet you at the playground to talk and let the kids play, and bring along a couple of granola bars and capri-sun's for snacks :)

Kara - posted on 10/18/2011

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My father is an alcoholic, and smokes while he drives, not only is he NOT on the emergency contact list, he isn't allowed to drive with my kids period.... and we live with him (he doesn't care for the kids, or smoke in the house) but we have been open and honest with him about it. Especially because we live with him this is something that we have had to discuss and set boundaries for. Your kids are the most important things, and if you feel that they are unsafe in the car with anyone then you should not feel that you have to let that person drive with your children no matter who they are. I love my father, but I know that he is an unsuitable chaperone/chauffeur for my kids and so wont put anyone in the position! Do what works for you.

Christa - posted on 10/18/2011

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I agree with the 2nd comment. There is no reason to tell them. If they ask, just say who you have listed and move on. If they have a problem with it, don't sweat it. Your child's safety comes first and you have the right to pick whomever you want!

Jessica - posted on 10/18/2011

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I don't think it matters if the person who you select is immediate family who picks up your child from day care. It should only matter that your child is safe and if your family doesn't understand it's their problem

Grace - posted on 10/18/2011

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In this situation family or not. You must choose the most responsible and available person for your child. You should be able to trust their judgment and their ability to act wisely and quickly.

Sherri - posted on 10/18/2011

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I have chosen relatives and very close family friends. Also no need to even tell them they weren't chosen. They will never know.

Susin - posted on 10/18/2011

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I fill out all emergency cards for my kids (only one signature needed) and I pick who I know will a) be available b) be able to handle any situation. I put my husband, between the two of us, we've had it covered for the past 12 years. Unless these family members live next door, it's highly unlikely they'll know if anyone else was on active 'emergency' duty. They can't get the info from the school unless YOU say so, so I'd just tell them 'sure' then do what you have to do. I'm sorry you have to stress about this, what a silly thing for them to tizzy about!

Donna - posted on 10/18/2011

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That's a hard 1 when it's your husband's mother. I'm sure if you explain to your husband the risks of her picking up the children-such as her bad driving & just not being able to properly put them in & take them out of their car seats & the dangers of this he might see where you are coming from & back off. If not do you have other siblings on either side of the family that you can put down & just leave any parents out of the equation? Or close friends etc that way you can say ok I see your point so what we will do is compromise where I won't put either of my parents down or either of your parents down this way there's no hurt feelings or "well how come her father can do it but I can't" or " you have your dad on the list but not my mother or father"? This might work out for the best on all counts. Good luck & please let us know how it works out.

Cindy - posted on 10/18/2011

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If the husband wants his mother to be listed, it is pretty hard to just conceal the fact that someone else is listed instead when the emergency card needs to be signed by both parents. I used to feel the same way about my mother in law, so the only way I got away with listing my mom, was to list his mom after mine. That way they were both on the list, but my MIL would be the fourth person contacted. And yes, some people do make it a competition and will ask and insist that they are on the list!

Donna - posted on 10/18/2011

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I know this is a hard decision to make, but 1st & foremost you have to think of the safety of your child/children.
You pick whoever you feel will be the most responsible & the person who will take care of your child/children. End of story. It's hard I know to tell your immediate family that they are not on the list but 1 you can tell them they are not & honestly tell them why or 2 tell them they are not & say because so & so is more available to do it, for example, (I put down Lisa because she is closer to the daycare, & she's home at the time the kids are in daycare where as you are at work, school etc. or 3 don't put them down & don't tell them. It's not a law that says that you have to tell anyone who's on the emergency pick up list.
I am on the list for my niece even thou I am 45 mins away, but a family friend is above me on the list because she lives in the same town & when she's at work she is till only 10 mins away. That's another thing that you can do put them so far down the list that they will never be called. I hope this helps.

User - posted on 10/18/2011

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We have appointed a guardian for my daughter before she was born. So if anything happens to my husband and I, my sister-in-law is responsible for my daughter. This includes picking her up at daycare or from school in an emergency. This was communicated to the entire family and the school/daycare are aware that no other family member is to take her out of their care.

Miranda - posted on 10/18/2011

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My mom and dad are not on my list. I have my sister and two close friends. Just dont tell anyone but who you have on your list. My FIL is on the list only because he volunteers on his days off a few times and it keeps me from having to write a note for him. He lives in wilcox so unless the is a real emergency they wont call him.

Mary - posted on 10/18/2011

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what about a friend??? We moved far from family to a place where we didn't really know anyone except for a few friends. I have always put them down on the list

Jennifer - posted on 10/18/2011

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You don't need to worry about what your family's reaction will be. You need to worry about your children being safe and well taken care of. Choose someone that you trust with your children! I chose my mom and my best friend as my emergency people. They are the two people other than my husband that I trust the most to pick my daughter up. Just do what you know is right for your kids.

Sharlene - posted on 10/17/2011

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Oh you poor thing LOL.Can hubbie or his side of the family pick up kids or close friend goodluck

Amy - posted on 10/17/2011

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Well you can tell your mother in law she's on it and not actually put her on it, and same thing with your husband it's not like he's going to call the school and ask the nurse who you put on it. Besides what are the chances that they will not get a hold of you or your husband?

Medic - posted on 10/17/2011

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I don't know why you would have to tell anyone. No one knows who is on my list except for the ones on it and it is not like they go bragging about it.

Amanda - posted on 10/17/2011

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My husband and my bestfriend are my kids ER pick ups. They were picked because even though they are busy people they are also close to the school work wise.

Christine - posted on 10/17/2011

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I should also mention that my husband thinks that his mom should be on the list, and I don't. She is who I was talking about in the first post. Now what?

[deleted account]

Amy in my case my mother in-law asked to be put on the list. Not sure if that is true for the OP and her family. I like your point too.

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