Who do you love more ,your husband or kids

Jane - posted on 07/01/2013 ( 39 moms have responded )

2

0

0

Firstly, I believe that we fall deeply in love with our babies and our young families. But speaking as a mother of older children – I have come full circle to know that my love for my husband is above and beyond that for my children. But that is because I am seeing them for the individuals that they have grown into and will soon enter the world as. Not as the babies and young ones dependent upon me for life.

I love my children dearly and deeply – but I have returned to the original state of the union with my husband where I have remembered where and why it all began. Between the two of us and our love for each other. The kids will grow and move away – and the relationship with my husband will be on the forefront of my mind. It is he that I will pass the days with while my children grow and live their own lives and create their own families.

Who do you love more and why ?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

l don't see why people want to make this choice. My love for the children we created together is an integral part of my love for my husband. My love for their father is an integral part of my love for my children. My marriage is the foundation of my kids' life and stability. Raising children together has made my marriage stronger. It all runs together.

If you are asking that silly old question - "the boat is sinking and you can only save one person..." - my husband and I would both save the kids. We hope to be around a lot longer, but we've already had a full and wonderful life. They still have everything ahead of them.

Camille - posted on 07/05/2013

17

16

0

Wow. Well I'll just be the one to say it. My kids. Duh. My kids are born from my body. I dont believe in "god". I believe you pick somebody who annoys you the least and you have kids with them. there is no way that bond supersedes the bond created when something grows in and is born from your body. My daughters are my world

Jennifer - posted on 07/13/2013

4

10

1

I believe the love is just not comparable.u love,ur children in such a,different way than being in love,and loving a man.the 2 are certainly the most powerful love a woman can feel,&although I understand what u mean,I think it's a,selfish question to ponder,&consider yourself lucky to experience to feel both in ones lifetime=)

Debbie (Nanny) - posted on 07/05/2013

8

0

0

God says your husband comes first and then your children. Your relationship with your husband is witnessed by your kids and they will grow to respect others if they see that in your relationship with your husband.

Lela - posted on 07/15/2013

10

11

1

My kids will always be first over ANY man. Point blank. It does NOT matter whether they move away and or have their own families. They are my flesh and blood. Any woman who would put their man before their own kids is a fool.

39 Comments

View replies by

Mrmustaphaloancompany - posted on 02/19/2015

4

0

0

Thank Prophet suleman for restoring my marriage. I had been separated from my husband. I was told about Prophet suleman spell how he restored Marriage the source of my encouragement and wisdom. I had been praying and standing on the promises of Prophet suleman My husband mailed me and said we will be reunited and living as a family in the country where he lives. Above all, my husband has grown in faith you can reach Prophet suleman true email via:.Prophetsuleman@gmail.com good luck

TIA - posted on 07/16/2013

112

0

23

I WOULD NOT COMPARE THE LOVE. HOWEVER, MY PASTOR DID TELL US IN PREMARITAL COUNSELING TO NEVER FIGHT OVER THE KIDS BECAUSE WE CAME FIRST. ALSO TO HAVE A HAPPY AND HEALTHY HOUSEHOLD A STRONG FOUNDATION IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN PARENTING STYLES. WHEN IT COMES TO CHOOSING SIDES HOWEVER I BELIEVE IT WAS SAID BEST IN THE MOVIE "PARENTAL GUIDANCE"
DAUGHTER: YOU ALWAYS TAKE HIS SIDE!
MOTHER: AND FOR A GOOD REASON TOO. BECAUSE WHEN YOUR CHILDREN GROW UP AND MOVE AWAY, YOUR HUSBAND IS THE ONE THAT STAYS.

Debbie - posted on 07/15/2013

1

0

0

No man would ever come before the love for my kids. At the end of the day i gave birth to my kids, and yes they can be little buggers most days, but i dont care how much i loved my partner.They are my world and my love for them is endless , and i know i couldnt live without them. as for my partner yes i do love him but my heart at the end of the day belongs to them hands down

Cindy Marie - posted on 07/13/2013

9

0

0

Ok I believe that there is no comparison in the love that you have for your children and your husband. The love is to different..completely different. The love for your children is an unshakable every fiber if your being love...a love for your husband is an intimate need you love...I really believe that you can not compare..and I would never. I live for both.

Cherissr - posted on 07/12/2013

3

0

0

I'm no longer married.. but your right, your kids will go on to live their own lives. You will always be their mom but their priorities will be changing. They will get married and have children of their own. Their focus will be on their young family. So I can understand what your feeling. Now that you guys have raised your family . You can again focus on the relationship between you and your husband.

Cindy - posted on 07/12/2013

4

19

0

When I was a kid my mom used to tell my sister and I that she had two hearts....one for me and one for my sister. I always remembered that when raising my own three kids who are now teenagers and 20 and at times each of them were and are trying at times in their own ways. Its kind of the same with regards to my husband, and he is their stepdad not their biological father so we have had many an instance where I felt this question nagging at the back of my mind. You cannot compare the love you have for yourchildren to the love you have for your partner...Love comes in many varieties, shapes and forms and the love you feel for your husband is completely different from the love for your children. I beleve we can love many people at the same time differently. And the ime I feel the most love for all of them? When i see them all interacting and sharing their love with each other..then my heart swells with a different kind of love like The Grinch's heart in the old Christmas movie; I feel like it isost too much to bear and I know that I love my family as a whole regardless of the times they test my patience...
Oh and just a sidenote; of course your kids will always be your kids and NEVER "out of your life" just because they are grown.

Jessica - posted on 07/09/2013

4

6

0

It's a strange thing motherhood.... First of all I agree more might not be the best choice of words for this thread, but if I had to choose I guess I would say I love my children more but my husband deeper... If that makes since? I've know my husband since I was a child and he was a young man... I loved him first, and I love him in a profound need him, desporate to be with him, not sure I could live without him, follow him around the house like a lost puppy dog sort of way (we've been married 8 yrs btw). I love my children in the way that I love myself, a long to make them happy, desporate to do the right thing make the right decisions, do what's best for them whether they like it or not sort of way... It's so profoundly different though the way you love young children (4&2) who rely on you not only for all of their needs but also for knowledge and guidance... But at the end of the day I still hold back that last Chelsea bunn for my husband not the boys.. I'm sure either way you feel is fine, and proabably has more to do with ur definitions of love than any sort of black and white gradation... If I had to say though, because of the magnitude of my feelings for him, the complexity of our relationship versus the simplicity of my relationship and emotions towards my children I would have to say my husband... I will love him (and them) until I die and probably after reguardless of our relationship status, if that should ever end.. He was my first love and something that starts when you are defining romantic love for the first time (8yrs old) well it doesn't end even if the marriage did for some reason

Julie - posted on 07/09/2013

90

42

2

I didn't even know it was possible to love anyone more than your kids, but mine are still little and everyone is different. I love and appreciate my husband so much, but I'm pretty sure no matter how crazy they are as teenagers or distant they Are as adults that we will always love them more than we do each other. That said I do imagine there will be a time where we like each other other more than we like our kids, but how much you like and enjoy someone vs. How much you love someone don't have to be directly related.

Kisha - posted on 07/09/2013

2

0

0

I love my kids more than anything but i also love my husband more than anything bc he is my rock that gets ne through the days, and nights when I've had a bad one or when the kids have stressed me for the day. But however I've been in situations (with my ex's) where that love was gone and it was hurting the kids to see us like that and was just abusive and you have to love ypur kids more at that point to make the decisions that are best for them. Mine was to leave and never look back, struggle for 5 yrs where my kids and i meant the world to each other. Got with my husband and we are all still stronger than ever with love for each other. So i love my kids as much as my husband and unless something drastic happens, that will never change. :)

Karoline - posted on 07/08/2013

2

0

0

Who do u love the most ? This question it shouldn't be even considered in terms of feelings, why? well ... you can't predict who you are going to or you love the most, your kids are naturally part of your body, your instinct is love them until the end no matter what circumstances they will put you trough; your husband is your other half that will be there when you need a hug, kiss, advice, support etc. but ... What if one day things are not going that well as they use to be... Cross fingers that never happen !! ....But, exist this possibility ? Yes it does, so your eternal unconditional love will disappear within months,
the question is.., will your child's disappear from your heart after months? ....I don't think so... :0|?

Michelle - posted on 07/08/2013

6

0

0

Why do you have to love one more than the other? I love my spouse and my twins equally, probably in different ways, but there's no reason to prioritize. If it came down to choosing between them, and I hope and pray it never does, that's a choice I'd make WITH my spouse, because we make important decisions together.

Tiana Lacree - posted on 07/07/2013

6

0

1

The love for my husband and my children are completely different .... Now because my children are small right now their needs come first.... But when they are older and their needs are less and they have their own family .My husband is first as he should be. We will be spending the rest of our lives together. I have a nourishing love for my kids and that will always be there, but I fell in love with my husband the kind of love that you dream of and crave for a man and a women and that's something your kids can never give you......

Keri - posted on 07/07/2013

363

40

0

This really isn't a fair question. The love you have for your children - of any age - is very different from the love you have for your spouse/partner.

Sal - posted on 07/07/2013

1,816

16

34

It a totally different type of love...I couldn't love anyone more than in love my children it's just not possible but it is a carer role, As they say I'm their parent not their friend, but there is nothing they could do to make me not love them they are not home because they want to stay home with me but because there is no other choice, I want them to grow into great adults and leave home... I never want my husband to leave home, he is my friend he is who I have chosen to be old and wrinkly with we have shared trials and fought to stay together because we want to not because we need to..

[deleted account]

I don't think it should even be a matter of who you love "more". That sounds like something a 4 year old child would say? My love for my son and my love for his daddy are two TOTALLY DIFFERENT types of love entirely. Now if you really wanted to get down to the nitty gritty about things and I HAD to choose, it would ALWAYS be my son hands down? And to be honest, my man would probably think I was crazy if it were any other way? and vise versa. I don't understand where you say they are only in your life for a limited time. They are your children.. They are in your life for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. You will ALWAYS be their mama. They will ALWAYS be your children. Now don't get me wrong, Because I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND (my sons daddy) and he will ALWAYS be my childs father but you NEVER KNOW, something could happen between the two of US. So HE may not always be there for the rest of my life. There is always that possibility. But there will never be that possibillity with your children.

Michelle - posted on 07/05/2013

169

29

8

When I love someone, I love them with all my heart there isn't a question of who I love more. I get things from my partner that I can't get from my kids and I get things from my kids (like unconditional love) that I don't get from my partner. I think women can love more than one person at a time as they are experts at Multitasking.

Janessa - posted on 07/05/2013

289

10

0

I agree, in fact I am in the midst of raising small children and I still agree. My mom told me once she always felt like she could bear losing my dad, but not us. For me it is the exact opposite. My husband is my other half. I know God would get me through whatever losses I had to face, but it would be harder to lose my husband. Not that I don't love my children, I do fiercely, and I would grieve deeply, but the fact is they are only mine for a short time, someday they will live their own lives, and it will just be me and my husband again. If that relationship doesn't stand firm, neither will that with your children. My mom is having a really hard time letting go I believe because we were her whole life. She still has my Dad, but hasn't grasped yet that he is the one she should focus on. Yes we want her in our lives and to know her grandkids, but we want to lead our lives now, and that is hard for her.

Daniell - posted on 07/05/2013

41

7

0

This reminds me of the question "who do you put first?" I say the spouse comes before the kids, but it is never a clear cut line. Sometimes date night sits on the backburner to attend the kids school play, etc. I think kids are happier when they witness a loving marriage from their parents. I also think that kids are only around for 18-20 years while your spouse is with you a lifetime. You don't want to neglect your spouse for those years b/c when it is just the two of you - you may be more like strangers than lovers. But back to your question about love. I don't think I love my kids or my spouse "more". The love I have for my spouse is a completely different kind of love than the love I have for my kids. There is no comparison b/w the two.

Valerie - posted on 07/05/2013

173

27

4

I agree that it is different kinds of love, but as my kids are getting older too, my son is almost 23 and my twin girls are going to be 18 soon, am learning to let go of the piece of me that feels like I need to/want to do everything to help my kids.. and realize my husband isn't going to turn a certain age and move on with his life.. our lives are together forever, whereas my children will grow/are grown up and they will move on and have their own families, etc. I did separate for 2 years from my husband due to my girls having serious addiction issues and me feeling like I had to give 200% to them and nothing to my husband.. my husband and I are back together now since November or so of last year.. and I have realized that yes, my girls really needed/need me, but that I have tried to hard to make them get "better" from their addictions.. which is what I wanted.. ME.. not them... going through so much, moving them to a different city, doing everything I thought was best just turned out that none of it has done much of anything other than prolong them from hitting their "bottom".. now they are almost 18, I am going to hae to watch them from a distance until they decide to get better.. and my husband will be by my side..

Brooke - posted on 07/04/2013

201

20

46

I think it is less a question of love, and more of a question of need. I love both my husband and my kids differently, but accept that at this point my kids need me more. As they get older my priorities will most likely shift again.

Karen - posted on 07/04/2013

4

0

0

I love God over everyone firstly because he loved us first and created us. Next comes your kids and your spouse. If you love your spouse more than your kids than the kids may feel less or resentment as they grow up.

Diane - posted on 07/04/2013

2

19

0

I hate to admit this, but I don't know why it's so much easier for me to love my kids and accept them for who they are. My friends encourage me to focus on my husband and one friend says let the kids baske in the afterglow, and that's so beautiful and right, but in reality, I keep getting angry with him, even though he's generally pretty thoughtful and hard-working and careful and able... It's just that I get so bored with his comments and his boring repeated actions and his paranoia and his half-glass full mentality... and he's not terribly artistic or interested in reading or making music or dancing... But he's smart, we agree on politics, we have many common beliefs and he's fixing up our garden nicely... I know I wasn't able to have a relationship with the man I fell totally and completely in love with 15 years ago now, but shouldn't that disappointment fade now? That guy was 17 years older than me and maybe he's in a care facility by now!

Our kids are approaching teenhood now and I know they need their Dad more than ever, so I just need to learn to focus on his all his attributes and treat him the best I can. It's just not always easy to do that.

Diane - posted on 07/04/2013

2

19

0

I hate to admit this, but I don't know why it's so much easier for me to love my kids and accept them for who they are. My friends encourage me to focus on my husband and one friend says let the kids baske in the afterglow, and that's so beautiful and right, but in reality, I keep getting angry with him, even though he's generally pretty thoughtful and hard-working and careful and able... It's just that I get so bored with his comments and his boring repeated actions and his paranoia and his half-glass full mentality... and he's not terribly artistic or interested in reading or making music or dancing... But he's smart, we agree on politics, we have many common beliefs and he's fixing up our garden nicely... I know I wasn't able to have a relationship with the man I fell totally and completely in love with 15 years ago now, but shouldn't that disappointment fade now? That guy was 17 years older than me and maybe he's in a care facility by now!

Our kids are approaching teenhood now and I know they need their Dad more than ever, so I just need to learn to focus on his all his attributes and treat him the best I can. It's just not always easy to do that.

Lisa - posted on 07/03/2013

1

0

0

THE THINK THAT YOUR BABY GROW INSIDE YOU ITS A VERY SPECIAL FEELING
BUT YOUR HUSBAND YOU CHOOSE IT ITS TWO DIFFERENT .

Elida - posted on 07/02/2013

3

0

0

I have a 2 month old baby girl and I love her sooo much.Since she was born I feel like my and my husband are not the same anymore.I feel like our love its not like before-but I know that I love my husband and he loves me.I just don't understand why I feel like this.i don't know which one I love more.
I think it is just different love for both of them.

Jodi - posted on 07/01/2013

3,524

36

3906

I agree with the others. We have older children, as well as a younger one (youngest is 8, oldest 21), and I don't believe that I love any of them more than the other. My relationship with each and every one of them is different, but I love them all equally,

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/01/2013

21,273

9

3058

I do not love one over the other. I love them all differently. I don't think that is a very fair question.

Sarah - posted on 07/01/2013

3,876

14

1082

For me it is not the question of who I love more. I love them equally. My love for each is just different. For my kids I am their nurturer and protector. For my husband I am a friend and companion.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms