Who will I follow? My heart that says YES forgive him or my parents that says NO forget him he is not worthy to you after all what he did ...

Lilanie - posted on 01/03/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hi, Happy New Year to everybody, I am so happy i found this site :)

My name is Lilanie, the father of my child and me broke up when he decided to go to their province but really there is no formal closure,it only happened that we were talking of something and we did argue already and I really dont know why he is making things difficult in fact its not really an important one. So we just broke up I guess its called break up already since he started not to communicate with me and my child already. So I decided to raise my son on my own and through the help of my parents.I did my best my very best just to raise my son very well.But there are times I can feel like I miss his father, I'm confused really. And my Mom told me that if time comes the father of my child will come back and ask for forgiveness she or my father and my Mom doesn't want us to be reunited again coz after all what he has done they said. But my question is what if my heart still says FORGIVE him but my mind is saying what if he will hurt me again ?? I dont want to hurt my parents. I want someone who can advise me :(

7 Comments

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Ellen - posted on 01/05/2014

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When i was four months later pregnant i discovered my partner had been seeing someone else behind my back, we were happy or so i thought, i moped around for weeks wondering what to do , excited for my baby, sad to be alone. After all this i came to a decision , if it didn't work then fine at least i tried but i contacted my partner and we talked through everything then when i was 6 and a half months gone i decided to try our relationship again on the basis i was willing to forgive as i think i owed it to my baby to give him the best start in life . My partner and i started afresh , moved house he changed his mobile number and we drew a line under what had happened. We now have our son, a fantastic family life and my partner and me have never been happier. If you want to try again it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks as tyou will find if your happy they will eventually be happy for you. But you have to make sure what ever has happened in the past will not be thrown in one another's face everytime you bicker or you will just end up resenting each other. I hope you do what you feel is right as i did because i no a lot of women would not have took their partner back after he had an affair but if you feel you can work through it together then go for it.

Lilanie - posted on 01/03/2014

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Thanks so much for your advice Jodi :) it makes me realize things then :) ..Happy weekend !

Jodi - posted on 01/03/2014

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I think you should just focus on a healthy co-parenting relationship rather than a romantic relationship. Should you forgive him? Yes, we should always have the capacity to forgive mistakes. But that doesn't mean you should necessarily take him back in a relationship. Just as a parent to your child. You mentioned that you broke up so you decided to raise the child on your own, but just because he isn't there in a relationship with you doesn't mean you raise the child on your own. You have to learn to separate the relationship with you from the relationship he needs to have with his child.

Lilanie - posted on 01/03/2014

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I know he has all the right and I am not getting that right to him. Do you think it will be better to let go of him or if he ask for forgiveness ill forgive him if there is still love ?

Jodi - posted on 01/03/2014

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Has it occurred to you he may want to see his child? He has every right to remain in contact with you as father of your son, as a co-parent. In fact, you should be encouraging his contact with his child.

Lilanie - posted on 01/03/2014

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I really appreciate your advise Sarah . :) What's confusing me right now is he texted me and he said he wanted to talk to me .. Should I see him or not ?

Sarah - posted on 01/03/2014

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My advise is to not live in the past. You are talking about "what if's" none of this has even happened and may never happen. If it happens then address the issue then. But right now you need to look at the present and focus on what is. Right now what is is that it looks like he does not want to be part of your life and you have to assume that might be forever. You can't live hoping/wishing/planning that he will come back. He does not control your life and if you are hoping/wishing/planning for him to come back then you are letting him control your life. Move forward and enjoy the life you have not the one you wish for. You make your life the way it is. If all you do is wish for something to happen that may never happen then you miss out on your life and your son's life. If you focus on what you have and move forward with happiness, joy, and who you are then you live your life to the fullest. By doing this who knows you may even meet a guy that truly loves you and your son and a more wonderful partner then you could imagine.

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