why 6 year old pees in underwear?

Cikku - posted on 12/10/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hi to all,



First of all I am an uncle not a mum but please hear me out.



My problem is as follows.



The daughter of my wife's sister is 6 years old. Just some background on her before I give the problem. She lives with her grand parents (both very honest and good people though a bit too religious in my opinion, not that is nothing wrong with that). Her father is unknown (well her mother can choose between 8 to 12 guys though to put the blame on), her mother has gone to live with another man (thank god finally so less bad examples to her daughter). Her mother is a good for nothing that has thank god a part-time employment. She does not care about the girl and is not the first time I heard her curse her own daughter for playing or something like that. My wife's other sister is an LSA but she spoils her rotten like her grand parents. At 6 years old she has already tried to hit her grand parents repeatedly. I discipline her and she is kinda careful how she interacts with me and she obeys me. To a lesser extent my wife. Her home and my wife's other sister home were she occasionally sleeps are very disorganized and dirty. Our house on the other end is very clean and I think she notices it when she comes around. At any rate that was a summary now to the problems.



1) She has the very bad habit of opening other people's belongings without permission, especially when her grand parents and/or my wife's sister (not her mother as she only comes by to cry) are around



2) She pees in her underwear when she is anywhere apart from school (even on her way back from school). She knows when she needs to go, just she does not go. I think the problem is mentally but dunno.



I know I am just her uncle and not even by blood at that but I kinda feel bad for her but not to the extent that I spoil her like everyone else, any ideas?

5 Comments

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Amy - posted on 12/10/2012

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I know you think that but she doesn't know who her father is and her mother has chosen a man over her, even if it's for the best a child doesn't see it that way. Essentially she's been abandoned by the one person who is always supposed to be there for her, and I'm sure the reason she gets almost everything is because everyone is trying to make up for the fact that she has been abandoned.

Cikku - posted on 12/10/2012

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Hi thanks again for the reply. Please bear in my mind I am pretty ignorant on such things so what I am about to say might sound stupid.



By the following statement "it sounds like this poor girl has none so this is what she can control." She does whatever she wants (spoiled really bad) at home, with practically everyone apart form me and at school (I think at school) so in't she already in control of almost everything?

Amy - posted on 12/10/2012

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When Cyndi says "has control" she means that most kids want some sort of control of what is going on in their world and it sounds like this poor girl has none so this is what she can control. She can control when she goes pee, she can not control where she lives, who she is surrounded by, when she is shuffled from family to family. I agree if she is not already in counseling someone needs to get her into some because otherwise she is going to have a really tough time as she gets older.

Cikku - posted on 12/10/2012

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hi thanks for the reply.



Having some kind of control on what exactly? I mean she is only peeing in her underwear not something major and at any rate her mother does know and care (perhaps she did not know). Ah excuse hard language or anything but please remember I am a man and not one of the most delicate among our gender either but believe me I mean only the best.



On boundaries I agree with you that they spoil her badly (you wrote it in a much more polite and nice way).

Cyndi - posted on 12/10/2012

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The"accidents" could be her way of having some kind of control. I mean her mom has left hrr, she is too young to understand that that is probly a good thing. Mg suggestion is for grandparents to fet her some counciling. Good luck. Oh and set boundries-every kid needs then and are moee produxtive when they have them

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