Why am I viewed/treated differently when two parent households learn I am a single Mom?

Melissa - posted on 11/21/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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This is for the two parent households as well mostly.



I notice that in the day care I use, or in parenting groups, and in drop in centers for kids, all of the above places and more, I can make great conversation with a fellow mom randomly and than when the topic comes up and I mention I am a single Mother, it's almost as though the conversation ends. From there on than it's almost like I am not taken as serious. Can someone please explain? Is there a secret fear that I am going to go after their husband? That I am lower class because my daughter doesn't have both parents living with her? I want the truth of peoples judgements, just because you think them, does not make them true.

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Jodi - posted on 11/22/2012

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I must say, I have been a single mum, and I never noticed anything like this. Maybe I just didn't care what people thought about my situation, so I just didn't pay any attention to it, I don't know. If anything, because of my situation, daycare was more helpful when I really struck a hurdle, and more likely to be helpful. If you think about it, a HUGE number of children now are from broken homes/single parent families (I think the percentage is somewhere around 50%).



Maybe, people who have never been through it just simply don't know what to talk about? Or it may be that awkward silence where they are thinking about whether to ask you a question about what happened or not?

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Jodi - posted on 11/22/2012

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Wow, Jen, I just read your post. I honestly have to say that the more I read on this forum, and hear from some of my FB friends, the more I think the US seems to be a much more judgemental society (in general) than we are here in Australia. I have never seen or heard of anything like it here.

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Some people see/hear "single mother" and automatically assume we ran around sleeping with any man who came our way. There is a very bad sentiment in this country that we all just continue to pop out kids for the welfare. I mean, check out most so-called conservative forums and you'll see that there's almost always a comment about us just running about, having sex and popping kids that the government will have to provide for.



Of course it's nonsense. It does happen but many married women cheat. I personally think it's a shame that women don't stick up for other women (especially mothers).



ETA: When I was pregnant with my son, I worked in a retail store. I was married at the time and got pregnant 4 months into the marriage. I experienced a lot of swelling to the point where I couldn't wear my wedding ring. The number of rude comments I got while working was astonishing. I really didn't think people would critique me so quickly simply because I was pregnant without a wedding band. I finally had enough one day and told a very very rude man that I had to sell my wedding ring because my husband had died in Iraq. I made the man cry - I didn't make a sale but I didn't care.





Some people are just freakin rude and feel that pregnant women are open targets for just about anything (ex. that they can just rub our bellies without permission - happend to me twice.)

Erica - posted on 11/22/2012

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People have a tendency to judge. It's a survival instinct. When something tastes adversely bad, you don't eat/drink it. Eventually you learn there are chemicals in the food/drink. Just like a bird's prey is a worm. The worm tries to avoid ALL birds to avoid being eaten. This "stereotyping" is what keeps them alive. We always stereotype. If you have thought this way or used the sentences "a bratty 13 year old who hates her mother" or "men who smoke marijuana don't help with the kids" or "kids are much worse and disrespectful today then in my generation" then you have stereotypes also. Men don't help out and are clueless about kids, a child with cerebral palsy will have learning disabilities, and people who drop out of high school will never be successful (what about actresses and singers and Einstein dropped out of hs). Those are all stereotypes. The dropping out stereotype is what motivates us to study and become successful.

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