Why are adults so hard on kids and teens?

[deleted account] ( 15 moms have responded )

I'm 16 and I notice that adults are very hard on kids, teenagers specifically, and unreasonable. I'm not one of those teens that thinks that I know everything, but my maturity is beyond my age. I feel that some adults that I have come across take me for a joke and don't treat me equal as an individual. Most adults don't respect our views and feel that we don't have knowledge on anything.

I hate when adults belittle teens just because we are younger and less experienced than they are and treat us like babies. We're not. We are just as intelligent, knowledgeable, responsible, and capable of making our own decisions as they are, no matter how little they THINK we are. I am very respectful of adults, but if they treat me like I am an irresponsible, mindless little kid, I will most likely lose respect for them. Because I am far from those things and I feel like I, and most teens deserve to be respected as the upcoming adults that we are. Treat us as equals, not inferior. I hope you adults understand my point of view(:

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[deleted account]

@Shawnn,

Well, I'm not ''all teens.'' I am only myself and can only speak for myself and other teens that I personally know. I don't even hang out with people younger than me, because they are all immature and only care about partying and being popular. Most of my friends are between the ages of 16 and 20. As a level headed, smart girl, I don't have time to associate myself with less than. Maturity is not defined by age, but by wisdom. Notice I said I am mature for MY AGE, not that I'm more mature than an experienced adult in their 30's and 40's. But I do feel that I am more mature than most people my age, if you knew half the teens at my school, you'd understand why I say that.

Jodi - posted on 02/07/2015

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I'm not talking about a part time job. My son has a part time job too. That doesn't mean he is equal to me because I still pay for this house, for the food, for his school fees, for his medical, and so on. He isn't equal.

However, I don't treat him as less intelligent or dumb him down or belittle him. But he isn't as knowledgeable or as capable of making the same choices as I am. He doesn't have the experience to do so. It is my job to guide him with those choices AND place boundaries around those choices.

Sorry, Ashlee, at 16, you actually aren't just as responsible as the average adult. I don't know you personally, so I can't talk about you specifically, but in general, a 16 year old is not as responsible as someone who is 25 or 30 or older. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be respected, but the respect looks different. You shouldn't be treated as "inferior" but treated "differently" than if you were an adult is perfectly acceptable.

Clearly there is a reason you have posted these comments. I'm thinking there is something that has happened that you are upset over - specifically that your parents have said no to something you want to do. I could be wrong, but normally when a teen comes on this site and posts something like this it is because they are annoyed that their parents won't let them do something.

[deleted account]

@Dove,

I don't get why you think I'm ''arguing'' I'm just expressing how I feel, as I have the right to. You getting defensive isn't going to help or change how I feel. Sorry.

@Michelle,
Normal teens where I live consider drinking, partying, and acting wild as being a real teenager. I consider being a real teen is making good grades, being responsible, doing constructive things. I don't have to act a certain way to be considered a normal teen. I feel like me having my own mind and not doing the things that other teens do makes me MORE mature than them. I really don't care if you agree with me or not, but this is my standpoint. 2 years isn't a very long time from being an adult. I'll be 17 in 4 months exactly. So, why not start acting like one now?

Dove - posted on 02/10/2015

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If you present yourself in person anywhere near the way you've presented yourself here... the way you get treated that annoys you so much is well deserved.

I'm not sure why you keep bothering to come back here and argue w/ a bunch of adults and try to prove yourself to us (since all you are doing is proving just how truly immature you are every time you respond). Go and live your life. The only thing you are accomplishing here is getting another group of adults to sit and shake their heads at another kid who thinks she knows it all.... so you are accomplishing the exact opposite of what you 'say' you want....

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/09/2015

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"I'm not one of those teens that thinks that I know everything, but my maturity is beyond my age"~~Honey, all teens think that. I did, when I was your age...LMAO...good thing I learned better!

"I'm respectful of adults"...as long as you want to be, I see...

Proving maturity is much more than age or knowledge...It also involves knowing when to be discrete, how to judge a situation appropriately, and how to present yourself as an intelligent adult rather than a sulky teen. Using blanket statements "adults are very hard on kids" isn't going to get you far.

For example, I, as an adult, have expectations of children of all ages. Each age group has appropriate expectations. For my 17 YO, that includes being able to present ideas rationally, without sulking or fits when they aren't universally accepted. It includes being articulate enough to present oneself in the manner that they wish to be treated. In other words, if you can truly act as an adult, with your words and actions, you're more likely to be treated as such. If not, well...

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Michelle - posted on 02/10/2015

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My children are treated according to the way they act. If they decide to make bad decisions then they will be treated like a younger child. If they prove that they can make good decisions then they get a bit more freedom.
You are still a child and are your parent's responsibility until you are 18, it doesn't matter how "mature" you THINK you are, you have to prove it.
You seem to be in such a hurry to grow up, I suggest enjoy the age you are now and do what normal teens do. All too soon you are going to be an adult and have to support yourself and get a job. You will have to answer to your boss and work horrible hours just to pay the bills.

Jodi - posted on 02/10/2015

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Adults don't "make you seem" any particular way. You are choosing to see it that way.

Common sense is something that develops with life experience. You aren't born with it. Noone says you don't have basic common sense, but your common sense comes without the knowledge and experience that an older person has.

I'm sorry, but your responses are still incredibly juvenile. "It's annoying".....so ignore it! Or don't LET it annoy you. Accept that you AREN'T actually legally an adult and your time WILL come. And in 20 years, in hindsight, it is likely you will better understand. I can't even begin to explain that to you because as a teen, you are unlikely to accept that advice.

[deleted account]

@Jodi,

Meaning that teens are not as dumb and childish as adults make us seem. We have just as much common sense as them, but they think that they have to hold our hands in everything that we do. It's annoying.

Jodi - posted on 02/09/2015

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"Notice I said I am mature for MY AGE, not that I'm more mature than an experienced adult in their 30's and 40's."

Well, yes, you kind of did:
"We are just as intelligent, knowledgeable, responsible, and capable of making our own decisions as they are, no matter how little they THINK we are"

"I'm not one of those teens that thinks that I know everything"

Well, yes, having followed this thread, and your others, you kind of are. And I'm not the only one who sees this.

But I'm not going to argue with you because I know it won't get anywhere - because you clearly you have all the answers!! Have a good day!!

Raye - posted on 02/09/2015

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I thought I was so mature at 16.
If only I could have known then what I know now.

Michelle - posted on 02/07/2015

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Giving blanket statements is showing your immaturity, Not ALL adults belittle ALL teens. Yes there will always be some but to say all adults do it is very unfair. You also don't know all adults, only those around you. The world is very big and parenting styles very from house to house, state to state and even country to country.
I have hired teens and I don't belittle them, it's my job to train them how to do their job. I have to tell them off when they act like "typical" teens and are mucking around and one their phones etc, but it's not belittling them.
The fact you are on a Mother's forum telling us to treat teens as equals shows you aren't very mature. We are a bunch of strangers to you, why are you telling us what you think we should be doing?

Dove - posted on 02/07/2015

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Your brain isn't done developing until around the age of 25... no matter how mature and responsible you think you are... So technically... no, at 16 you are no where near as intelligent, knowledgeable, responsible, or capable as an adult. It is simply not possible. Not to say that at 16 a person isn't capable of making mature and responsible choices... even at 13 my oldest is capable of that, but thinking like an adult? Nope... not a chance.

[deleted account]

@Jodi,
Yes, actually I do earn my own money, I have a part time job after school and I have been working since I was 14. My parents have taught me that nothing in life is given to you and to work for what you want. Being treated as an equal means not being dumbed down by adults and being respected as an individual. Being less experienced doesn't make me less intelligent or less capable of making good choices. That's the type of unfair treatment I am talking about. Treating teens equally just means not belittling them just because they are younger. Older people always seem to belittle younger people and underestimate them. We are just as responsible as they are. Well some of us. And we should be respected equally to them, not less than.

Jodi - posted on 02/07/2015

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You aren't an equal yet, that's why you are not treated as an equal. Are you earning your own money? Are you supporting yourself without assistance from your parents? or do you still rely on them to pay for the roof over your head, your schooling, your clothes, your food, and the list goes on.

You are not just as intelligent and knowledgeable - you don't have the life experience to draw on that your parents and other older adults do. Life experience contributes to intelligence and knowledge. It sounds to me like you don't have respect for that.

This doesn't mean you don't deserve respect, but it does mean you need to accept you aren't actually quite an equal at this point, and you are still a minor in the eyes of the law. At 16, you do still need rules and boundaries to help guide you in your endeavour to become an adult.

Michelle - posted on 02/07/2015

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But you aren't equals. You may think you are mature and knowledgeable but you still have so much learning to do.
Children of all ages need rules and boundaries and they will get more relaxed as you prove you can be trusted.

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