Why are so many baby boomers so cruel to their adult children ?

A - posted on 01/28/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Long complicated experience
I am so frustrated and so tiers of my family conflict

My mother is a very healthy elderly toxic person

I Could not help but notice how so many mothers like mine are so mean and cruel to their adult children

My mother is very healthy and has told me she hates me out of the blue



Now she is 72 hrs old and she had to just let me know how she got away with stealing on her job


To this day I can not help but wonder how someone with a 3rd grade education from the south can even get a job at all

I believe that because of that fact my mother must be getting financial help from a source that I am not aware of


There is just no way I can figure that a person can have a house and a few cars on a 3rd grade education if they did not start a business


It's majic lol

My mom was caught on camera stealing from her job

She feels entitled to anyone else's property

She figures that because she is southern that she can play ignorant to the point that she didn't know she was not supposed to steal


She brags about how stealing is an accomplishment and laughs and chuckles as if doing something illegal is a very fond memory


I am just wondering

My mother is getting older and I just never liked her

I really deep down do not believe that this woman is my biological mother

She never treated me as if she was my mother

All she ever did was tell me that I owe her


which I could never figure that one out as an 10'yr old

and still don't know what she means as a 50 yr old


I am writing this post to ask if anyone else has experienced this kind of behavior in the now elderly parent


Can anyone tell me why some baby boomers are
so mean and threatening ?

Why does some one tell a kid

" when I die you ain't gonna get shit "

And of course that came true , when my dad died he had made no will

So I am thinking my mother has stolen inheritance from me again

I feel that since this woman has never been a responsible parent to me for what ever reason

I really feel that I do not have any responsibility to take care of her as she continues to decline as a result of aging

She has kept the rest of the family away from me and they will not speak to me

I think this is very odd and suspect that she has told many lies for so long and has involved them in some way to scapegoat me


That's another thing I've notice


This woman has become such a lier that I just don't know what to think

I wonder why she is still alive as she's horrible with other people too

I am so embarrassed when I am with her

Anyway
Does anyone know anything about finding a true birth mother

I know in my case it's likely that I may have been given to a member of the family

So no legal papers available just a birth certificate

My mother has always held on to my birth certificate like its some kind of gold

I had to go to the office and get it

She also has my ss card and will not give it to me to this day

I am 54 why does she even have my ss card and why does she not want to give it to me ?

Can't fugure it out unless she has stolen my identity or who knows what she's done by now

My mother I suspect has involved the family in some kind of gang up on me and id like to know what I can do about it at this late date

I take the bragging to me on how she had gotten away with stealing on video is her brilliant passive aggressive threat to show me what she can do

She often says to me

" I can show you better than I can tell you "


I don't know if that is a threat or not

O and my mother never went to school and she has a 3rd grade education

My dad always told me that

If you ask her she will say she graduated from high school

She doesn't know that I know that she never completed school


My mother is from the southern confederate state of Florida and has this mentality that the war is still on



I'd laugh but it's not funny

as we are black mixed with who knows what other race

No one seems to have their proper name in my extended family and no one seems to know who their biological father is


I think they are all lying because it's just no possible to not know basic information

They know that everyone thinks that they are dumb so they pretend that they don't know basic information about the family

Sad fact is that they are dumber than a rock and I just can not see how they all have houses cars and jobs

And they will not tell how they got these things having every low level jobs

O another phenomenon
My family members work but never have any money ever


The family value seems to be a kind of passive aggressive thinking that they think no one can see the fact that they all are really comfortably stupid and ignorant

I am talking about my long negative experience in my family

Sheesh

I suspect incest and they all know who is who and that the pedophile is still alive somewhere

Anyway any thoughts are welcomed

2 Comments

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/28/2015

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Just a few things: "To this day I can not help but wonder how someone with a 3rd grade education from the south can even get a job at all"~~Well, probably, because when she was 9 or 10, it was 1952 or so, and school was not mandatory. Quite a few kids didn't finish past 3rd or 4th grade in the US at that time, and have gone on to be quite successful in this world. You do realize, don't you, that education was vastly different in those days? a 3rd grade student then knew on average far more than your average 13 or 14 year old today...not to mention that generation also helped out at home, at their parents businesses, etc, from very young ages. Doesn't surprise me one bit that your mother only had a 3rd grade education and still had a job...considering my grandfather on my mother's side only had a one room school house education through 6th grade and died a millionaire...
"I really deep down do not believe that this woman is my biological mother. She never treated me as if she was my mother. All she ever did was tell me that I owe her"~~Some people don't have the 'parent' gene in their make up. As Jodi says, it doesn't take them being a boomer, either. Poor parenting happens every day, every where in the world. Doesn't make it right, but it does happen. And, technically, I feel that I do owe my mother for bringing me into this world, and giving me life.
"So no legal papers available just a birth certificate. My mother has always held on to my birth certificate like its some kind of gold. I had to go to the office and get it"~~Ok, so who are the biological parents listed on that document? If one of them is the person claiming to be your mother...then she's your biological parent. Falsification of birth certificates is illegal. No one but the biological mother and father would be listed.
"She also has my ss card and will not give it to me to this day"~~Call SS and tell them that your card has been stolen, and you need a new number. There will be some paperwork to fill out.
"No one seems to have their proper name in my extended family"~~So, you're saying that their names are NOT their names? That they are all filling you full of bullshit?
"no one seems to know who their biological father is"~~In the socio-economic situation you are describing, this is not unusual...thus all the 'baby daddy drama' that goes on...
"I think they are all lying because it's just no possible to not know basic information"~~Again, you think that they are feeding you BS names, etc?
"My mother I suspect has involved the family in some kind of gang up on me and id like to know what I can do about it at this late date"~~How about this: Talk to your family. Express your feelings, and ask them.
"She often says to me:" I can show you better than I can tell you " I don't know if that is a threat or not"~I guess it would depend upon what she's speaking of. Quite a lot of people are better illustrators than speakers, so "showing" is easier than "telling"
"O and my mother never went to school and she has a 3rd grade education"~~You keep harping on this. I must point out that it is a contradictory statement here: If she'd NEVER gone to school, she wouldn't even have a 3rd grade education.
"My dad always told me that If you ask her she will say she graduated from high school"~~Perhaps she finished an equivalency exam.
"They know that everyone thinks that they are dumb so they pretend that they don't know basic information about the family Sad fact is that they are dumber than a rock and I just can not see how they all have houses cars and jobs"~~Oh, you're not judgmental at all, are you? How's YOUR education level? Your work experience?"My family members work but never have any money ever"~~This is a pretty common state of affairs, for those with minimum wage or slightly higher jobs vs cost of living, etc...again, don't throw stones...

I'd recommend that you get some therapy to help you work through what is obviously very traumatic to you. Please remember, just because you may not LIKE answers that you're being given, that doesn't necessarily mean they aren't TRUE...

Jodi - posted on 01/28/2015

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You make it sound like most baby boomers are cruel to their children. That's not the case. I've seen some pretty fucked up 20 year olds being cruel to their children. Kids that don't get fed for days. Kids that get dragged out of school by their hair. Parents that actually give away one child because he is too difficult and threaten the other one with the same if he doesn't do the right thing. Stepfathers who sexually assault their stepchildren. I could go on. And this is real life kids that I know. So don't make it that it is a particular generation that is cruel. It is that YOUR parents were cruel, and I am sorry for you because that totally sucks. That's NOT ok for you.

3rd grade educations were common 60 years ago. I have a feeling you've never really sat down and studied a lot of the history, but it really was common. My FIL had only a 4th grade education and he is a white Australian. Very few people back then EVER studied at high school. My parents were both particularly privileged - they were slightly younger and had the advantage of a fully free education and no needing to support their families by leaving school and getting a job. But low level educations were not unusual back then. I would NEVER in a million years call my in-laws stupid or ignorant because they never had a higher education than that.

I think you also need to understand that the history they taught back then was very different. It really was. I am a history teacher (well social sciences teacher) and I was comparing notes with my parents and the history they learned about events we still learn about was actually very different. We need to be tolerant of the fact that the world changes. Your parents would have learned things so very differently than you did.

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