Why can't dads just man up and support their children

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[deleted account]

What about the women who dont really want a child but couldnt live with themselves if they had an abortion? and the women that are dragged into a clinic for an abortion - yes they may actually have a choice but feel powerlees to make the one they desire. Everyone knows that if you have sex there is a possibility that it could result in a pregnancy. No one party can claim they are more disadvantaged than the other - there are 'unfair' factors for both parties. Bottom line - if you arent prepared to deal with the consequences dont put yourself into a situation where you could have to.

~Jennifer - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting sara:

thank you for the advice.i didtake him to court and then he support her for a liitle and now is working under the table.



Report him to the IRS.   If he's making money, they'll find it. 



(and being audited is no fun)



Good luck to you.

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Lorraine - posted on 07/03/2009

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Quoting Natasha:



Quoting Guggie:

Something I have been struggling with....the woman can choose to stop her child from coming into the world. But the man cannot (or legally cannot). So how come the man has to be stuck with the woman's choice to bring the child into the world, or not?

Either way the man seems to get the short of the stick. He has no voice.






My thought to this is if a child is concieved and the guy didnt want it in the first place than i guess that he should of covered it, taken care of him self (thats what rosy palm is for). If the guy or girl is gunna have a little fun then they have to think of what can happen. Its not the childs fault just because the parents only wanted to have a little romp in the sack. The children are the ones that get hurt in the end NOT the adults.






condoms fail and so does the pill and both have been known to fail together. why should a guy who wants an abortion be forced to accept a child that he tried to prevent from being created? and what about in the case where both parties agree on an abortion and then the woman backs out? what is the right of the man? it isnt fair and I dont think the man should be heald reasponsible in that case.

Lorraine - posted on 07/03/2009

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because they didnt actually want them to begin with. they are to immature to handle the responsibility of children and family. dead beat dads would rather spend thier money on things of little importance such as cars, sports, beer ect. Guys that refuse to support their children are self centered and everyhting is about them.

dont waste your time, move on to someone who will apriciate you and your children

Samantha - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Guggie:

Something I have been struggling with....the woman can choose to stop her child from coming into the world. But the man cannot (or legally cannot). So how come the man has to be stuck with the woman's choice to bring the child into the world, or not?

Either way the man seems to get the short of the stick. He has no voice.


ok iget what your saying that he never has the chose to change what he did like the women dose but he should think about that befor hand and just cuz you didnt want the kid you still made the chose to have sex (wheater protected or not) so if the women disides to have the baby then he should still have tosuport there choice to have sex  i really get where your comeing from but i also REALLY get where single moms are come from cuz im one and i gave my daughters father every oprtunity to see his daughter andd he maybe took me up on the offer 3 or 4 time and every time he never showed up when he said he would if he even did and he never buys her anything unless i sit  there and nag him to and he was the one who was really suporting me to keep the baby since we were very young haveing her and still are but now that he see that haveing a baby isnt the easest thing in the world or cheap he dosent care and is never there so i really understand both sides as you might to



 

[deleted account]

I feel for any parent that needs/wants help from the other but the other wont play. Its a very difficult situation to be in. There are men out ther who are fathers but not willing to be daddy's but there are also too many men out there who are fighting a discriminatory legal system that views women as the preferred parent (unless undeniably proven otherwise) because they DO want to have at least an equal role in their childs life.



If you are unlucky enough to have to fight to get the support you need from your babys father then I say pull out all the stops. He needs to be responsible for making sure that his child is cared for as much as you are. If you arent sure who you need to talk to about reporting him for avoiding his responsibilities then call someone like legal aid and see who they recommend talking to.

Lindsay - posted on 07/02/2009

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I know there are a lot of men not being responsible out there but there are also as many women that don't take care of or abandon their children. I just want to say some men are responsible. My family has mine, his, and ours children and my husband takes care of all three children equally, including child support on my SS.

Tamara - posted on 07/02/2009

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In all honesty, the vast majority of NCP not only want to pay child support but do. It is a small minority that don't desire to. Of those who want to but can't, it's not because they're ducking and diving, its simply because the court cannot and will not recognize job loss or illness that requires time off work thus putting them behind in support. In addition, some support orders will leave a NCP in poverty and since CS is not taken into account when applying for assistance, it leaves a NCP with the choice of pay CS or do things such as pay bills or buy food. Its a delicate balance we must keep, making sure the children are taken care of while not treating the NCP as walking wallets.

Natasha - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Kate:

I wish everyone were more responsible personally.... Yes, if you have sex, you MIGHT have a child and you should take responsibility for that, male or female.

My husband is great, so I am lucky. We have one child and another coming in just a few weeks. He is very involved and even more supportive this time, as he recognizes what I am going through. It is a shame more men are not like this.



I agree with you kate. Me and my boyfriend have a almost 4 month daughter at home and he was great during the whole pregnancy and after she was born. My boyfriend and I work opposite shifts and he is great with our daughter I couldnt of asked for a much better man. He does diapers and everything.....during the week (3 nights anyways) he is at home with her by himself because I work 3pm-1am and does wonderful. I wish more men could be like this. P.S. Kate congrats and the 2nd one and hope everything goes good for you.

Natasha - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Kate:

I wish everyone were more responsible personally.... Yes, if you have sex, you MIGHT have a child and you should take responsibility for that, male or female.

My husband is great, so I am lucky. We have one child and another coming in just a few weeks. He is very involved and even more supportive this time, as he recognizes what I am going through. It is a shame more men are not like this.



I agree with you kate. Me and my boyfriend have a almost 4 month daughter at home and he was great during the whole pregnancy and after she was born. My boyfriend and I work opposite shifts and he is great with our daughter I couldnt of asked for a much better man. He does diapers and everything.....during the week (3 nights anyways) he is at home with her by himself because I work 3pm-1am and does wonderful. I wish more men could be like this. P.S. Kate congrats and the 2nd one and hope everything goes good for you.

Kate - posted on 07/02/2009

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I wish everyone were more responsible personally.... Yes, if you have sex, you MIGHT have a child and you should take responsibility for that, male or female.

My husband is great, so I am lucky. We have one child and another coming in just a few weeks. He is very involved and even more supportive this time, as he recognizes what I am going through. It is a shame more men are not like this.

Natasha - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Guggie:

Something I have been struggling with....the woman can choose to stop her child from coming into the world. But the man cannot (or legally cannot). So how come the man has to be stuck with the woman's choice to bring the child into the world, or not?

Either way the man seems to get the short of the stick. He has no voice.



My thought to this is if a child is concieved and the guy didnt want it in the first place than i guess that he should of covered it, taken care of him self (thats what rosy palm is for). If the guy or girl is gunna have a little fun then they have to think of what can happen. Its not the childs fault just because the parents only wanted to have a little romp in the sack. The children are the ones that get hurt in the end NOT the adults.

Cami - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Guggie:



Quoting Jennifer:




Quoting Guggie:

Something I have been struggling with....the woman can choose to stop her child from coming into the world. But the man cannot (or legally cannot). So how come the man has to be stuck with the woman's choice to bring the child into the world, or not?

Either way the man seems to get the short of the stick. He has no voice.








That's the price you (possibly) pay for great sex, sweetie. ( 






 








If your family  got hit by a drunk driver, would you not want the person prosecuted because he didn't MEAN to hit you? .....even though it happened?








If it all boils down to what you intended to happen, rather than what did happen....well, no one would have any responsibility at all, now would they?








 








People need to understand the possible conclusions -ALL of the possible conclusions- to the scenario they participate in. 








=)










And don't get me wrong...I'm not being gungho for either side...but just struggling to understand this.






 






See, except for cases of rape and incest (which according to the Alan Guttmacher institute count for about 1% of cases) most women are not victims of a hit and run, but a consenting, adult partner.






 






Yet if the man fires one off and it takes hold, he loses any right to say yes, no, maybe anything...and then on top of that if the woman chooses to keep the child, he has to pay money for 18 years.






 






It's all quite tragic, whichever way you look at it (I am a woman so yes I do see woman's side)





im a young mother, and my husband could have been a little, whiny, scared boy, and left me with a baby. But he was a part of the whole conception thing. I didnt just climb on top of my self, release sprem to my egg and get pregnant. And mothers should have a "choice" in keeping their child or not, a consenting adult, is just that an adult. Adults need to take responsibility and care for there child. What did that child do to deserve an abortion or a dead beat father to not pay for the childs up bringing. My parents are divorced, and my dad paid child support for 18 years. Because he is my FATHER!! And thats waht he should have done. If you dont want a kid than keep it in your pants!!! DUH!!!

~Jennifer - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Guggie:



Quoting Jennifer:




Quoting Guggie:

Something I have been struggling with....the woman can choose to stop her child from coming into the world. But the man cannot (or legally cannot). So how come the man has to be stuck with the woman's choice to bring the child into the world, or not?

Either way the man seems to get the short of the stick. He has no voice.








That's the price you (possibly) pay for great sex, sweetie. ( 






 








If your family  got hit by a drunk driver, would you not want the person prosecuted because he didn't MEAN to hit you? .....even though it happened?








If it all boils down to what you intended to happen, rather than what did happen....well, no one would have any responsibility at all, now would they?








 








People need to understand the possible conclusions -ALL of the possible conclusions- to the scenario they participate in. 








=)










And don't get me wrong...I'm not being gungho for either side...but just struggling to understand this.






 






See, except for cases of rape and incest (which according to the Alan Guttmacher institute count for about 1% of cases) most women are not victims of a hit and run, but a consenting, adult partner.






 






Yet if the man fires one off and it takes hold, he loses any right to say yes, no, maybe anything...and then on top of that if the woman chooses to keep the child, he has to pay money for 18 years.






 






It's all quite tragic, whichever way you look at it (I am a woman so yes I do see woman's side)





Right...but just as with any 'fun' thing that brings a risk, you have to assume that risk.  If you don't want to assume the risk, you don't participate.



Better example:   If I go bungee jumping, there's a chance that the thing might snap, and I plummet to my death....but I understood this BEFORE I decided to do it, so I'f I land and end up paralyzed....I still CHOSE to do it, knowing the risks, and I have to deal with the consequences of my actions.
 I'm not going to hijack this thread any more after this comment, but I'd be more than willing to debate it with you on a new thread.



=)

Guggie - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:



Quoting Guggie:

Something I have been struggling with....the woman can choose to stop her child from coming into the world. But the man cannot (or legally cannot). So how come the man has to be stuck with the woman's choice to bring the child into the world, or not?

Either way the man seems to get the short of the stick. He has no voice.






That's the price you (possibly) pay for great sex, sweetie. ( 



 






If your family  got hit by a drunk driver, would you not want the person prosecuted because he didn't MEAN to hit you? .....even though it happened?






If it all boils down to what you intended to happen, rather than what did happen....well, no one would have any responsibility at all, now would they?






 






People need to understand the possible conclusions -ALL of the possible conclusions- to the scenario they participate in. 






=)






And don't get me wrong...I'm not being gungho for either side...but just struggling to understand this.



 



See, except for cases of rape and incest (which according to the Alan Guttmacher institute count for about 1% of cases) most women are not victims of a hit and run, but a consenting, adult partner.



 



Yet if the man fires one off and it takes hold, he loses any right to say yes, no, maybe anything...and then on top of that if the woman chooses to keep the child, he has to pay money for 18 years.



 



It's all quite tragic, whichever way you look at it (I am a woman so yes I do see woman's side)

~Jennifer - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Guggie:

Something I have been struggling with....the woman can choose to stop her child from coming into the world. But the man cannot (or legally cannot). So how come the man has to be stuck with the woman's choice to bring the child into the world, or not?

Either way the man seems to get the short of the stick. He has no voice.



That's the price you (possibly) pay for great sex, sweetie. ( 

Guggie - posted on 07/02/2009

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Something I have been struggling with....the woman can choose to stop her child from coming into the world. But the man cannot (or legally cannot). So how come the man has to be stuck with the woman's choice to bring the child into the world, or not?

Either way the man seems to get the short of the stick. He has no voice.

Stevie - posted on 07/02/2009

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take him to court again and if he tries to screw you over again keep busting his butt he will either eventually get the point or get sent to jail for it yeah jail i know sucks and maybe not something you acctually want but you never know maybe that is the thing he needs to get the point so just keep trying and take him to court until he does get it and your most welcome :)

Sara - posted on 07/02/2009

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thank you for the advice.i didtake him to court and then he support her for a liitle and now is working under the table.

Stevie - posted on 07/02/2009

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cuz they have no balls lol men are just men there isnt any reason i think men are the way they are there is no deffantion for them just men lol im sorry you are put in this situation the only thing i could say for you to do is take him to court for it men think they are men but they are just little boys with a toy they dont really know how to use but good luck sara your daughter is very cute

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