Why did I get a tubal ligation? DEPRESSED HELP!!!!

Daphanie - posted on 08/22/2015 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Hi my name is Lashay I am a mother of 5 beautiful kids 3 girls and 2 boys. I am 26 years old " I know " young right. I got my tubal ligation at the age of 23 after my 3 year old was born. I felt great after giving birth to a healthy 8 lb 9 oz baby boy and I had his father along with some family members in the room with me, some of them was telling me that they think that it is best I got my tube tied, I was sedated off of pain meds not really wanting to do it but I still went on and did it. At the time of doing it I still had doubts but when I woke up from surgery my heart was broken. I was officially sterile, WHY did I make that decision I cried like a baby, I was so depressed for the first year I could barely get out of bed or be the mother I was suppose to be for my kids I began to have all kind of health problems, anxiety as well and I also didn't lose not one pound witch was very unusual for me, since then I have gained 50 pounds that won't even budge no matter how much less I eat, I am so moody and I have the worst periods ever. I have talked to my doctor, family, friends and prayed. They just think that I am being petty and over reacting, but they just don't understand they can't understand, people just look at well you have 5 kids why wouldn't you want your tubes tied. I don't feel like me that's why I feel less than a woman, I am miserable, fat, hurting or sick all the time I can't enjoy my life or my kids. The worst part about it I wasn't ready I did it for them not because that is what I truly wanted. I am living a miserable life and I always go back to the day I had the surgery in my head and wish that I could turn back the hands of time but unfortunately I can't and I can't afford to get a reversal I just wish that I can feel like me again.....

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/26/2015

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Could you be depressed because the man you love cheated on you? It is time to pick yourself up, and love the children you have. If you need to go back to therapy to help, do that. When you can afford your reversal, if you really want it, have it done. Please don't go through with this surgical procedure to keep a man in your life. Your body has already gone through a lot with 5 kids, and a tubal. This man cannot keep himself faithful now with one biological kid from you, he certainly won't no matter how many you can have.

Denise - posted on 08/26/2015

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My heart aches for you. I am so sorry for your struggle. I, too, have had many regrets since my tubal ligation. Like you, family and friends did not understand my regrets and sorrow since I have four kids. Reversals are expensive and often they don't even work. Its ok to have feelings of sadness over this. Its ok to feel helpless. But don't let them consume you. For me, prayer is the key to not letting my regrets overwhelm me. I give all those feelings to the Lord every time they arise. I then choose to focus on my four blessings and my husband. As hard as it it will be at first, everytime you choose to focus on the blessings in your life, your joy will grow. As joy becomes a way of life, you will find that sadness comes, but does not control.

Raye - posted on 08/24/2015

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So, you had 5 kids by the age of 23? You know it's a vagina, not a clown car? You're only 26 years old. You are not less of a woman because you're unable to give birth. Are you even in a committed relationship? Does he want more kids? Or is it just that you currently aren't physically able to have more kids that's messing you up? You have at least 10-20 more years to decide if you really want more kids, and save for a reversal or IVF. Sounds like you have some severe issues that you should still be in counseling to work out. You're being selfish and unfair to your kids by not being the best mommy they could have. It happened. You're not happy about it, and that's ok. But don't put yourself and your kids at risk with your unhealthy attitude and behavior. If you really want to change your situation, make a plan, and put it in motion and keep positive.

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Raye - posted on 08/31/2015

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Daphanie,
I have had a tubal ligation. Unlike you, I still feel it was the right thing to do. And I feel that it does NOT make me less of a woman. I have never given birth to ANY kids (mine are both step-kids), and I feel that does NOT make me less of a woman. I guess I don't understand where you're coming from. Sorry I was not helpful to you.

Daphanie - posted on 08/30/2015

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Raye Ramsey the help I was seeking on this forum was about my tubal not whether I should stay in my relationship or not and I was seeking help from people who HAVE experienced this or who is going through the same thing. But anyways thanks and good day.

Denise - posted on 08/28/2015

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I truly feel your pain. I homeschool my daughter and operate a part time day school and homeschool cover. I have a relative that I love dearly who has dementia. Her son is distant and rude until he needs me to care for his mother. She is a close relative, so I gladly help take care of her; however, I can not do all he wants me to do. My first responsibility is to my daughter. The same applies with you. You have to set boundaries. Also consider this, if she is in that bad of shape, she will need professional help. She needs someone with professional training. Your choice to stand your ground is for her benefit as well. Let him know you love them both and you want to be there for them. Then clearly let him know what your availability will be and specifically how you are equipped to help. Reassure her when you are with her that you love her. Do what you can do, pray for them, and leave the rest in God's hands. Maybe suggest some sites to your brother that encourage him and present options for his situation. Familylife.com has articles for caregivers. Focusonthefamily.com also offers advice and support under their life challenges section.

Raye - posted on 08/28/2015

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Daphanie,
I'm sorry if you don't like what I have to say, but you came on a public forum and asked for opinions. Mine is only one of those opinions, and you're welcome to disagree.

You're the one who brought up that your man cheated, so obviously you have unresolved feelings about it. If you and your man can't talk it out (you say he confuses you), then maybe you need to speak with a counselor to help you sort through your feelings. You clearly have bigger issues than random strangers on the internet can help you with.

Daphanie - posted on 08/27/2015

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Raye Ramsey, who I choose to stay with is none of your business, yes he cheated and I forgave that was 2 years ago and no I don't think having more kids will keep a man in my life, I was just answering the question from your previous response I have been with him for almost 5 years so if having more kids with him was the issue clearly we wouldn't be together. I am unhappy, and depressed with my tubal because of ME not him. I can care less about how you and anyone else feel about my relationship, or the fact that I am uphappy with a tubal after 5 kids, its a decision that I made based on everyone else opinion in the first place if I had done it because that is what I truly wanted then maybe I could cope with it better. I came to this group in hopes of meeting other women who feel similar or the same way and have over came this not to be judged and talked down to by someone like you, if you don't have anything positive to comment on what I wrote then PLEASE keep it scrolling, thanks in advance and have a blessed day.....

Daphanie - posted on 08/27/2015

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Thanks Denise for the words of encouragement and good luck to you and your family as well. I will continue to pray and keep me in your prayers as well God bless you and your family, its good to know that someone understands.

Raye - posted on 08/26/2015

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If your man cheated on you, why are you still together? Are you wanting to have another kid because you think that will get him to stay? Sorry to say, love, but you shouldn't want to have more kids with this man who disrespects you. And you shouldn't have him around as a role model to the kids you have now. The one child that's his should get to have a relationship with his father, but you don't need to be in a romantic relationship with this man. You just need to be civil enough to co-parent, and let him live his life, and you live yours.

Daphanie - posted on 08/26/2015

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I know its a vagina and not a clown car. I am very happy to be a young mother and yes I have been in a relationship for 4 years, and we have a son together he was part of the reason I got them tied, but a month later he stated that he wanted a daughter, so I think he wants more kids but when I talk to him about it he says he's ok and he doesn't want anymore, but I knew that was a lie when he cheated on me him and the girl discussed having kids. I don't know he confuse me at times but anyways thanks for the advice but if you reply again don't be rude or judgemental. Thanks in advice.

Daphanie - posted on 08/23/2015

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Thank you so much in the 1st year I did do therapy I forgot to mention that but like you said I have to accept that what's done is done....Thanks and God bless.

Dove - posted on 08/22/2015

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Get some therapy and stay in it consistently. You are going to have to come to a point where you just accept what's done is done and find a way to move on and heal. NOT an easy thing to do, for sure, but you need to not let it consume you any longer. Living w/ regret is very unhealthy as you have discovered. Maybe there is a support group available w/ other women who are in a similar position that can help you as well.

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