Why do I second guess myself?!?!

Amber - posted on 03/12/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Okay so I have an idiot for a "sperm donor" who has done NOTHING to help my beautiful 21mnth old daughter other then help make her.....He has been in and out of jail since before she was born, he did good for a couple of months when she was about 2 months old then he went back for theft. Got out I told him I would give him one more chance if he goes back I'm done you won't see her unless its court ordered well that lasted a for a while then when my daughter was about 8 months he went and stabbed a man over drugs!! WTF So ever since he has had NO contact with my daughter. I told him if he could get help (because he is also an acoholic) got a job kept it for atleast a year we would talk about him seeing my girlie again. Well still no job he calls me atleast 20 times a day not even about my daughter he will ask "how is she doing" and thats it the rest of the time its "you know I'm the best man for you" or "You know I still love you and want to be with you". Then he started like watching my house it's really creepy and scary. Anyway my point is I did this for my girlie to give her the life he can't because he is now a felon I also found out he is being charged with 2nd degree attempted murder....I know I'm doing what's best for her but why do i constantly second guess my choices like am I actually doing what's best for her or does she REALLY need her father will she hate me later for it....I just want my little girl to be happy and she is but I'm afraid that this will later bite me in the ass....Anyway advice on how to quit second guessing myself would be nice. Do any of you do it? Thank you!

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Rachel - posted on 03/12/2011

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She doesnt need someone around like that. You need a restraining order to keep him from your daughter. She will eventually understand that he was not good to be in her life. just worry about you and your daughter. Do not deal with him. She needs better people in her life. Good luck

Louise - posted on 03/12/2011

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I think you need a restraining order to keep this guy well away from you. This should not be to hard if he is harrassing you over the phone and sitting watching your house when he has already been arrested for attempted murder. My you choose a right one here! I think this man is going to be in and out of jail all his life so protect your daughter now. When she is old enough to understand tell her who and what her dad is and why he is not in her life. I don't think she will hold it against you from protecting her from a life of disappointment and heart ache. I would follow your heart on this one. As for second guessing that is human nature. I always follow my instincts and the first thought that comes into my mind because that is what I really feel.

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Meg - posted on 03/13/2011

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Keep the focus on you and your child. Find an Alanon meeting. Work on building positive role models for your child and yourself. If you get a restraining order make sure it applies to your daugher too. keep a copy in her bag, at day care and with all caretakers. You and your daughter are great people worthy of being treated with love, respect and kindness. Set boundaries that will encourage the good and keep negative people and behaviour away.

Amber - posted on 03/13/2011

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@Louise wow my blonde was showing I should have known that..lol.. Anyway thank you again for advice, I like to believe I'm a strong woman but sometimes I don't think I'm strong enough. I would do anything for my girlie. I truly just want what's best for her...

Louise - posted on 03/13/2011

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That would be alcoholics anonymous Amber.

You sound like a strong woman Amber and you are absolutely right we don't really know anybody no matter how long we live with them. My advice is always look forward and never look back. xx

Amber - posted on 03/12/2011

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@Louise yes I sure know how to pick them! In my defense I dated him for 2 years before I got pregnant with my girlie and he NEVER did anything so violent so I was shocked when I found out about it...guess you will never REALLY know a person!

I love my babygirl and I will do ANYTHING to protect her. She does have some great uncles that love her SO much. My dad use to be her "dad" but he passed away a couple of months ago but I still have my 2 brothers who are just wonderful. Thank you ladies for the advice I hate second guessing myself and I flippin hate him too...lol..Anyway thank you again!

JuLeah - posted on 03/12/2011

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Get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting ... most have child care. Find a counslor ASAP. Place in your life healthy people you can reason things out with.

Theresa - posted on 03/12/2011

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I would keep him out of her life. He is not a good influence. Find men in your life that can be a good influence for her, like an uncle, grandpa, friends, any male that will be good for her. When she gets old enough you can explain why her father is not in her life. Even when she first starts asking questions about him (as young as 3 or 4) you can start with simple honest answers. "daddy had problems making good decisions, he kept getting into trouble, so he needs to be by himself right now so he can think about the bad decisions he's made and learn to make better ones." You can compare it to a time out. I had a foster child whose mom went to prision. She was 3 at the time. She would ask me where her mommy was. I explained it much like I told you to. Her mommy made some bad choices and the police put her in a timeout so she could think about it and make better choices. I'm sure it won't be easy, but I thinnk she'll take it easier if she has some other good, stable men in her life. Good luck.

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