why do some of you mothers.....

Shannon - posted on 06/25/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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have to say negative things to other mothers questions? this is supposed to be a place where we can seek advice and help, not a place to argue or say that your raising your children better than another mom! If you aren't going to say anything helpful to someone, then just don't reply... its that simple.

I've been pissed off already and I've only had my profile for a few days and asked only one question! But apparently if I want to breastfeed and supplement formula as well, then I can't ask my question in the breastfeeding thread according to some moms... I don't get it, why does it matter?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

...because most people think that their way is the best and only way. We all live in our own worlds and don't stop to think what it is actually like for other parents in different situations. Horsey people are the same. I used to frequent a horse forum that ended up being removed from the 'net due to all the nastiness. Of course you must all realise that these people who think they can give you their brutally honest opinions probably wouldn't have the nerve to do it to you in person, it's just the anonimity of forums gives people the false impression they can say what they like to whom ever they like. Try to ignore the nasty comments and just take notice of the helpful ones.

Jodi - posted on 06/25/2009

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I agree. If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. This site should be a place where us moms come to read and learn, not to criticize.

Shannon, there is nothing wrong with breastfeeding & supplementing. I strictly breastfeed for 6 mts & was concerned that my milk was not strong enough as Brooke was feeding so often. I went to the doctors & he advised for me to supplement. I started to ween Brooke off the breast at 11 1/2 mths to prepare for work (still nursing early mornings & night time). Unfortunately, I got let go due to restructuring. Brooke was weened onto 2% milk when she was 1 yr old. I just stopped nursing a month ago.

Whatever every mother needs to realize, there is no right or wrong - whatever works best for your child & yourself is all that matters.

Brooke has florished into a spectatular healthy active happy child who is 14 mths old.

Keep doing a great job Shannon!

[deleted account]

I think you have to consider the source. I think one of the most talked about subjects on here is how breastfeeders are a bunch of nazis. (I say that with love, I am one) They get yelled at for airing their radical opinions on the more "general" community boards (like this one) and so they go off onto their own communities where they can all sit around and be nazis together without bothering anyone else. Then you drop in and start talking about formula and wonder why they pounce on you like a cat on a mouse? I am totally against people being snotty and mean but I also think it's a good idea to think about what you're saying and where you are saying it. If you want an answer that is going to be ONLY what you want to hear, then go to a board where it's clear that people think specifically like you do- such as the "Mamas who supplement" community. (Yes, there is one)

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19 Comments

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Gemma - posted on 05/18/2011

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breastfeeding really is between you and baby. sometimes you need a little extra help due to medical issues with baby or from yourself. I hated when my mom was telling me when to stop. I knew I had the milk so I was going to nurse as long as I can. it puts unneeded stress on a mom to harange them about stopping or when to stop. you and baby will decide when is the right time to stop. if there is something going on that you need to supplement- like ya level of stress that you aren't producing enough or that you are entering into situations whee you are frowned upon for nursing but still want to nurse at home then supplement. this board was set up to be a postive and nurturing place the questions could be leading in a whole different direction and conversations could lead whole different directions if people were nicer to each other.

Nicole - posted on 06/25/2009

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I say you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. No matter what you do, someone's gonna have something to say about it. You can't please everyone so just please yourself. As long as your baby is healthy and happy you're doing a good job.

Tamara - posted on 06/25/2009

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I generally only post in a negative fashion to advice that is blatantly dangerous and can do harm to the child. Other than that, I do my best to remain as civil as possible.

Gemma - posted on 06/25/2009

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ive gave up on the breastfeeding bit as anything i say they turn round and say i should b breastfeeding more when all i did was give smeone advice it ended up in a heated argument n me being called a troll and that in malnutrtioning my daughter

i agree that people should just reply if there gunna say something nice as i was just giving advice i ended up going to see my health visitor that day to show me she was fit and healthy

Jessica - posted on 06/25/2009

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no one has the right to tell you that you're raising your child wrong, but if they get on their high horse and think they have that right, just ignore it. my son is 2 and i am only 5 weeks along with my second. my parenting style has been questioned by many people from day one. on everything from why i only breastfed for 6 weeks, to why did my son sleep in his crib the day we came home from the hospital. it's nobody's business. and if someone wants to criticize you, take it with a grain of salt. your child is exactly that-yours! we're all here to seek advice, not criticism.

Ruth - posted on 06/25/2009

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Quoting Emily:

I completely agree with you. I have had people ask if I breast fed and when I say no, they get "the look" appalled I didn't. Well the reason I didn't was I couldn't, I had mastitis and tried after it was gone but no, I didn't produce breast milk. My problem with that is I don't want to tell everyone I meet the reason I didn't. i will say there are some nice people who have good advice on here. Just ignore the mean ones!!



Exactly! If people are rude to you then ignore them - you don't have to reply to them!  Don't take things to heart. The idea of a forum is that people get to have their say - whether you like what they say or not. Everyone is different, different opinions, different personalties, different sense of humours etc... That goes for ANY forum, not just COM.



If you raise emotive subjects (breastfeeding, bottlefeeding, smacking babies, solids before 6 months of age, abortion etc) then some people ARE going to comment on it. Accept it, get over it and move on.



There have been MANY comments that I've read over the weeks that I have been a member of this forum - and I haven't agreed with a LOT of them, but I accept people's right to express their views. There was one recently regarding a lady who'd had a failed abortion - someone had commented how she had to live with consequences of her actions etc. and I thought "wow! How insensitive and judgemental!", but at the same time, I had to accept that she had a right to say what she said and that if you post something about abortion, people WILL disagree with it.



It would be impossible and wrong to censor what people write. I'm not in favour of people being rude - definitely not, but if you're going to post something on the internet for thousands of people to see, then you have to accept that some will take exception to it.

Lisa - posted on 06/25/2009

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Second that! If u get negative comments, just ignore them. Some people just think they are better, when that is totally not true. You have every right to ask any question any where you want. And if others don't like it, to bad. This is America.

Emily - posted on 06/25/2009

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I completely agree with you. I have had people ask if I breast fed and when I say no, they get "the look" appalled I didn't. Well the reason I didn't was I couldn't, I had mastitis and tried after it was gone but no, I didn't produce breast milk. My problem with that is I don't want to tell everyone I meet the reason I didn't. i will say there are some nice people who have good advice on here. Just ignore the mean ones!!

Ruth - posted on 06/25/2009

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Quoting Tammy:

I think you have to consider the source. I think one of the most talked about subjects on here is how breastfeeders are a bunch of nazis. (I say that with love, I am one) They get yelled at for airing their radical opinions on the more "general" community boards (like this one) and so they go off onto their own communities where they can all sit around and be nazis together without bothering anyone else. Then you drop in and start talking about formula and wonder why they pounce on you like a cat on a mouse? I am totally against people being snotty and mean but I also think it's a good idea to think about what you're saying and where you are saying it. If you want an answer that is going to be ONLY what you want to hear, then go to a board where it's clear that people think specifically like you do- such as the "Mamas who supplement" community. (Yes, there is one)



Amen to that !

Michelle - posted on 06/25/2009

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I can agree! My baby is formula fed and half the time I don't want to bring it up! I couldn't breast feed though so unless people want her to starve I do what I have to! I just pick the info that I think would be helpful and ignore everything else!

Amanda - posted on 06/25/2009

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I agree with you. It shouldn't matter. And if your breastfeeding when you can that is great. It's also okay for you to supplement too. What ever works for your baby is all that should matter.

Stacey - posted on 06/25/2009

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I agree with you, if you can't offer real advice about what is being asked then you shouldn't answer. But, you have to try not to take things too personally too, you are afterall asking a bunch of strangers their opinions and with the anonymity the online world offers everyone you never really know who is answering your questions. I have learned to take the insults and arguments with a grain of salt, and focus only on the posts that are helpful. Truth be told, none of us are ever going to be the perfect parent...if any of us were, there wouldn't be a need for a forum such as this because we'd already have all the answers. So, in the end, seek the advice you need, and realize that it's not all going to be good advice, you have to decide what is best for your baby and yourself.

[deleted account]

Shannon, I agree wholeheartedly with you. Since I joined CoM, I've seen a lot of other posts similar to yours. I even posted one myself awhile back...wondering why people are so rude to each other and unnecessarily cruel at times. Disrespectful. Etc. I got upset several times. I even thought about getting rid of CoM from my Facebook. But then it hit me that people online are sort of an exaggerated version of their real life selves. We don't see each other, don't really know each other and so sometimes people say all the obnoxious things here that they probably wouldn't say to your face. Some people get on moral high horses and decide that anyone who feels differently than they do, must be converted at all costs. I haven't been coming to the Welcome to Circle of Moms page lately because of all of this. If you want a much nicer group of ladies (some of them are in this one also) check your private messages. I'll send you a link to a really nice group of supportive moms who don't judge.

[deleted account]

Shannon, I agree wholeheartedly with you. Since I joined CoM, I've seen a lot of other posts similar to yours. I even posted one myself awhile back...wondering why people are so rude to each other and unnecessarily cruel at times. Disrespectful. Etc. I got upset several times. I even thought about getting rid of CoM from my Facebook. But then it hit me that people online are sort of an exaggerated version of their real life selves. We don't see each other, don't really know each other and so sometimes people say all the obnoxious things here that they probably wouldn't say to your face. Some people get on moral high horses and decide that anyone who feels differently than they do, must be converted at all costs. I haven't been coming to the Welcome to Circle of Moms page lately because of all of this. If you want a much nicer group of ladies (some of them are in this one also) check your private messages. I'll send you a link to a really nice group of supportive moms who don't judge.

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