Ev - posted on 11/16/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )
I think its high time someone asked this question. I have read plenty of posts here as I am sure a lot of you others have about the mom wanting to cut dad out of a child's life for all sorts or reasons petty or not, think it is unfair that dad asks for joint custody, thinks its not right that dad has custody. and anything in between. I have never seen many come on here and say they let dad have custody for the sake of the kids because her situation was not one that could handle finances in regards to raising kids or for other important reasons that were really the best benefit of the kids. I divorced in 2002. My ex husband lost temporary custody for a few months and had to pay child support. He did not like it. So at the end of summer 2002, I agreed to let him be primary care resident for the kids in joint custody. I did not want to do it because the kids had been my world and I was the one that had done it all for them. But my lawyer pointed out that I had no funds or resources to fight him every turn around for custody of the kids and my grandmother had told me that they would be the ones to suffer the most. Grandma was of course right though she had been married to my grandfather for 53 years when he had passed on. So for the reason of their stable minds and peace in place for their sakes, I let them go. Was it easy? Hell no!!! It was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. I was at my lowest point and at one time did not want to get out of bed or do anything but I could not give up because they depended on me. Now, you will think it nuts but for the next 12 years they would live with dad and see me on weekends, holidays and school vacations and other times as we agreed on them. It was not that I did not want to go and get custody, I had no funds for it. And he would have fought it. I just learned to make do with what I did have and worked on that. I cultivated a stronger bond with my kids. I made myself available to listen to them no matter if it was an issue at school, something great that happened, or the troubles with dad and step moms. I made myself learn to get up everyday to make it to the next time we were together. I did it for them for five years before I finally was past the hurt and pain. Nothing hurts a mom more than having to give up the one thing she loves the most....her kids. But it can be endured and conquered.
Now my question: Why does custody have to be a battle?