Why does it seem birthdays and anniversaries are so much harder on them than the men?

Debbie - posted on 03/07/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Our daughter, Kristy, age 38 was violently killed almost two years ago along with our grandson, Jordan, age five. Her 40th birthday would have been this coming Saturday. I am finding I cry at the drop of a hat, can't get my mind off of this event no matter how much I try. and don't think I can live or catch my breath. She was taken so suddenly and shockingly, was an amazing mother, daughter, nurse, and person. I realize I can't ask the "whys" of this happening *her husband had PTSD from two stents in Iraq", and he flipped out, killing Kristy, suffocating Jordan, and then took his own life), but the missing my daughter and grandson as escalated. I thought I was stronger and could handle things better. I am in grief therapy and it has helped, but nothing seems to work on this, her special birthday. I am already worried about the two days of their deaths coming the first part of April, but this year seem SO much worse, Being a nurse as well, I can surmise it must be that it is usually the mother who planned all the birthdays and holidays events, but even that doesn't take the shock value about this. I am trying so hard to be strong but all I want to do is drug myself that day and sleep. I want to celebrate her life but the tears and pain in my heart is so great it takes over. If anyone has any answers or can ofter some solutions, maybe it will help me get through these days along with the upcoming 2nd anniversary of their deaths.
Thank you,
Debbie

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/07/2013

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I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter and grandson. This is truly a heartbreaking tragedy. I would not expect a parent/grandparent simply just to "get over it" that easily. It is great that you are in grief counseling, and as you know you still need to give yourself time to heal. There will always be times of the year that trigger your heartbreak. Rightly so. Just be good to yourself! *Hugs* sent your way.

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