Why does my husband hurt me.

Heather - posted on 08/02/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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The other day my son got taken into the docotrs with my parents. My parents than talked to the doctors about my sons development who may be autistic. The doctor told us probably one of the best things to do to help him would be to have another child. My husband got mad at me because the doctor said it. I than remember a couple months ago when I said the same thing and his reply to me was that I was giving up on our son because I wanted another one. And that just hurt deep because out of anyone I think I have been with out son through everything. He is my world. He than remarked later on that day wondering if we would have sex and I told him no I don't feel like it. His reply to me than was that he would just go out and have sex with someone else. These aren't the only incidents wheremy husband has hurt me deeply. Why does he hurt me I just don't understand.

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Krista - posted on 08/02/2012

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It sounds like he's really angry about something and is lashing out at you instead of talking with you like an adult. Have you tried sitting down and talking with him and saying, "You've said some pretty hurtful things to me lately, and I'm wondering why. Is there something that you're angry about, that is making you want to hurt me? Can we talk about it?"

It also may be worth seeking counseling.

Gale - posted on 08/02/2012

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I think if this were me I'll be asking myself, why am I with someone who hurts me and if it worth stay, if you really want answer the best person to ask is your husband, only he know really why he doing this, but if he hurting you instead of being a loving supporting husband then maybe it not meant to be, he can only change himself if he want to just like you can only control yourself. I'm sorry he's not being the man he could be.

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Danielle - posted on 08/02/2012

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If your son is possibly Autistic, I feel that could maybe fuel his responses as a means of dealing with his frustration. I think maybe you should look into Autism support groups, and counselling for each of you individually and together as a couple.



I know that before my son was diagnosed with Autism that it took a serious tole on our relationship (mine and my husbands). At the time, we were debating if we should add to our family. With the added stress of our sons condition it felt we were abandoning him when he needed us, and it created a turmoil of emotions for us. It brought up question like: "Are we doing this for our son". "How will we be able to handle another child with our sons condition", and "Will we be able to cope if our new child also has Autism". Men also deal with their frustration and sadness differently. To have an Autistic child will unquestionably have its affect on the entire family.



As a compromise you can look into putting him into a learning centre or possible daycare to help socialize him and give him the exposure a sibling would provide him. I think that having another child wouldn't necessarily solve his Autism (if he in fact has it). It may curb certain features of the condition, but that is not without personal sacrifices as well. It will be a whole lot more work with a baby and an Autistic child, and you both need to be on board to tackle the heavy workload once the baby would be born.

I think especially if your husband is dealing with your sons possible diagnosis badly then obviously adding to the family would be a bad situation at this time.



As for the sex comment about "getting it elsewhere" there is no excuse for that type of disrespect. I would have serious issues with that.

Medic - posted on 08/02/2012

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Because you allow it. You should never give someone that much power over you.

Chaya - posted on 08/02/2012

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He's got the maturity of a six year old, or he's just pathetically selfish. You should make a concerted effort to take control of your finances, that is open a savings account, if you save monies on your own, you may not be able to access it should it become necessary, and he could find it and take it. If you have a job that gives you a locker, hide a few changes of clothes in it, even a few for your son. They should be a few sizes bigger than he wears now.
Contact the domestic abuse hotline in your area, they can give you more advice and help you flee should you need to. My guess is that you will

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