Why does my sister in law hate me and what do i do??i need help?

Nicola - posted on 11/06/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Well we had our ups and downs in previous years and i always been the bigger person to resolve situations cause i hate tense stuff and we were also friends to start with nothing to do with her brother, and i always felt left because i introduced my friend to her and they started hanging out and stuff which i ddnt mind but the fact of her talking about me to my friend constantly complaining and saying bad stuff negative i didnt like, my friend always told me everything,but i never reacted to any of it until one day when i told her not to backstab me she should bring it to me if i wrong her then i wil see what i dd than tell evryone how i annoy her cause when it gets to me it wil be a bad situation.

So we were cool, then she got pregnant and since she is in school and young i was disappointed cause i loved this girl as a sister i told her and i was there for her but she wasnt in this with me she had other people. I was never told anything and that hurt i was never invited to her new place or anything my other friends were. I could see the treatment she was giving me was different it did hurt but i just thought hey what can i do.So i was texting her to check up on her and in the text i mentioned hw her mum should help her and show her stuff since shes new to this cause she was kicked out she replied nastly like i did smething wrong. she told me to **** off am negative andi should do me and her family aint there for her at the moment and how it feels to be kicked out, i wasnt even thinking along them lines i was actually trying to be positive and trying to be a friend chatting to her like normal. i told her its her family and you know they wil always be there regardless the other thing is her mum was pregnant at the same time but still family always make it work. After her sibling was born she was back at the house happy, but i wasnt talking to her then anyway. I even apologised but she did not respond.

People say its hormones but this started before she gt pregnant she liked my friend more and stuff i could see it, she even told her she is pregnant but she never told me, she did not want me to know. After all this i still texted her saying hi etc and then after texting her she invited me to her baby shower which i attended and i went to see her baby and etc, i still say hi but she never say hie at all. I tried my best to make this work before i get married.I cant do anymore.My friend asked her why she treat me this way she didnr reply and she then said she greets me but its awkward etc. I do not know what to do about the situation help me?she was 21 and in the middle of university when she got pregnant...i feel hurt like its been a year now and the pain is still there, my fiance said i should just leave her and do me but i just want to get on with everyone. He also said we dont have to be friends and its clear its over just coexist i dont want to be coexisting i want to have a conversation without her feeling awkward i dont really feel that way but ive tried very hard, to be talking to her she doesnt at all ..What do i do?

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[deleted account]

Yeah, but you can only do so much. You can't control how another person feels about you no matter how hard you try (even if it is just to keep things peaceful). All you can do is treat others well, conduct yourself with dignity and let her behave how she chooses.

Denikka - posted on 11/06/2012

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You really can't force someone to like you or to be your friend. If she doesn't want to be friendly with you, that's her choice.



I think your fiance is right. You need to back off. She is obviously giving you signs that she's not interested in continuing a friendship with you. Be civil, even nice when circumstances throw you together, but I wouldn't seek her out anymore.

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Nicola - posted on 11/06/2012

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@ Sharon Bettany, i dnt really want to be friends but i want us to be on the same level, so we cn at least comfortable around each other without the bitching and stuff since am gna be joining the family soon .but well i think i have tried enough i guess

Dove - posted on 11/06/2012

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Ditto the others. Stop trying, she's not interested. Be civil when you are around each other, but leave it at that.

[deleted account]

Sometimes you just need to accept that someone will never be your friend. It doesn't mean you won't get along for the sake of everyone around you, but you don't have to be "besties" or even "coffee mates". To continue trying to be friends with this woman when she clearly isn't interested, you are really just turning her off. Move on....

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