Why is everyone so frustrated with me wanting to give up my child?

Elisija - posted on 03/11/2015 ( 22 moms have responded )

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Hello everyone, I just signed up to tell you my story and hear your opinions.

I’m a young woman, 29 years old. I’m pregnant and that’s mostly my problem. Actually I hate children and I’ve always thought I’ll never have them. I never thought I’ll ever be pregnant, but unfortunately now I am. The father of a child wasn’t a very reliable man. The day I told him I’m pregnant was the last day I ever saw him, he disappeared almost in the speed of light. I know many women in my place would abort, but I’ve always been against abortions. I think every person deserves a chance to live and, although I don’t want him, I don’t have any rights to take the life of this child. So I’ve decided to give birth and then give the child up for adoption.

I’m 8 months pregnant now and the thing is that almost all the people I know think I’m crazy about adoption. A friend of mine came to visit me some time ago. She then asked why haven’t I bought anything for the baby. When I said that’s because I’m not going to keep the baby, she looked at me as if I would be an alien. I don’t understand this attitude. Would it be better if I had killed this child? I know I'm pretty selfish person, because I don’t want this child in the first place. I don’t want to change my life because of child, I don’t want the sleepless nights, I don’t want to hear the sound of baby’s crying that’s just driving me insane, I don’t want to teach him, to feed him, etc, so I would be a terrible mother. Also I wouldn’t say I’m thrilled about my spoiled figure and I wouldn’t say it feels good to feel the baby moving inside of me. Some might think I’m horrible woman, but that’s how I feel. I know it’s only my own fault, but I’m doing everything I can so that it would end well. I mean, I don’t want to be mother, but there are so many couples who cannot have children and who would love to adopt. I’m trying to live healthy lifestyle now, so that this child would be strong and healthy and would find a good family soon.

My parents got crazy from anger when I told about my plans and said they will not allow it. This is my decision that I will not change, as it will be better for everyone. Why is everybody around me so angry about it? It's really hard when your own family doesn't understand you.

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[momoftwo] - posted on 03/14/2015

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2 days ago you didn't know where to look, but now you've found a couple.... I'm so lost. Is this legit?

and like Michelle said, it has to be done legally which wouldn't exactly be in the blink of an eye either.

Dove - posted on 03/14/2015

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You've had months to find a family for the child, but you weren't even looking and now in 2 days you've found a family... right. Not buying it, sorry.

I hope you have a lawyer (and so do they) in order to make sure it is all done legally.

Michelle - posted on 03/14/2015

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I hope you have gone through an adoption agency to find the couple. You really need to make sure everything is done legally.

Cynthia - posted on 03/13/2015

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I lived next door to a family that adopted children and the children were very unhappy. The father seemed loving on the outside but as I got to know the family I remember seeing abuse within that family. Just because someone adopts doesn't mean the child is going to a good home. I couldn't imagine anyone else raising my child but me I hope you get to research the family.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/12/2015

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You may not be able to understand why your family is so upset, but try to. Yes, this is your decision, but some people are just never going to understand. Don't expect them to. You are a grown women that got pregnant and doesn't want the baby. Family and friends may never get it. This would also be the time to talk with your doctor about getting permanently sterilized after this baby is born, so this does not happen again.

22 Comments

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Celia - posted on 07/05/2015

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I don't blame them for being frustrated with your opinion about giving up your baby for adoption. If you didn't want this to happen then you shouldn't of been pregnant in the first place. Well thats my belief. I'm 23 and being a mother changes you in many ways and I wouldn't do anything to change it. Although my life would of been different if I didn't have my baby girl. But now that shes here, its been the best blessing ever god can ever give me. Everything I do is now for her and I'm grateful that I have a good career and I'm financially stable. But you know you got to do what you got to do for the child to have a good life. Everybody makes mistakes and we are all human at the end of the day.

Shadow - posted on 03/16/2015

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You know? I'm super proud of you. I am totally against abortion, so I'm glad you are choosing adoption. But it's not an easy road to take (I mean, look at all the stuff you are having to deal with; people being angry and all that stuff) You could have had an abortion, you wouldn't have had to do the whole 9 months pregnant thing, buy maternity clothes, etc. But you are choosing to give this child a chance for a great life with someone who will love him or her. It's not easy, but you are doing what's best. Your parents may not like your decision, but they are not the ones that would have to take care of the child.

Sarah - posted on 03/14/2015

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If you truly are considering giving a baby up for adoption. The father must be told and the adoptive couple has to go through a screening process. They have a home study, criminal background check and their family and friends get interviewed. You can't just hand the baby over to a couple. In most states there is a Safe Haven law, were a new mother at any time during the first month(I think) can walk into a hospital, fire station or police station and place the baby in the arms of a uniformed person. The receiving person can't even ask your name, they just take the baby. However, this in meant to prevent a baby from being abandoned in a dumpster or worse. The baby would then go into foster care and the process of placement would commence,
Please don't chose this option. You have time, pick the right parents for your baby and make sure the father won't appear in a year or two wanting custody.

Elisija - posted on 03/14/2015

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Now I've got a married couple who are ready to take this child. They seem like a really nice people. I feel glad that at least the adoption thing is solved.

[momoftwo] - posted on 03/13/2015

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I find it odd for someone who has hatred for kids and is pregnant with one, you haven't actually taken the whole 8 months to find a home for the baby?

It may sound silly but why don't your parents adopt the baby?

Kelly - posted on 03/13/2015

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I am a mother of a beautiful baby boy and I love him inside and out. I always wanted to be a mom and have kids. I was around kids my whole life and have baby sat, so I know how to take care of children and it breaks my heart to hear your post. I don't know what you're going through, but you really gotta weigh your options. It's not the baby fault. It's who decided to make the baby who has to decide what best and if you don't think you can give the baby the life you want it to have. Then do the right thing and give the child to a deserving couple.

Sarah - posted on 03/12/2015

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If you live in the US, you can find adoption agencies very readily online. You can also contact the social worker at the hospital where you will deliver. Best of luck to you, take good care of yourself. You are making someone's dream of becoming a parent possible. That is huge!

Holly - posted on 03/12/2015

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You are a very smart woman for not keeping this baby. Most woman would keep him/her just to get something out of it. and that is why we have these poor babies/children being beaten, killed, starved, and abused. it makes me sick these mother that done want there children but wont give them up. Don't let anyone change your mind. You need to make this decision and by the sounds of it, your mind is made up and nothing is wrong with your decision

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/12/2015

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I am personally absolutely fine with your decision. BUT, I am disappointed that you are not even trying to find a home for your child. You only have 1 month left. What are you waiting for? Is there family that wants your child?

I hope, that even though you do not want this child, you are taking care of yourself and baby, which it sounds like you are. I get it,....you don't even like to feel it move or that your body is hijacked by this baby, but you still have the job to take care of it while it is growing inside of you, and find your baby adoptive parents. Sticking them in the foster care system does not ensure adoption. Contact your local agencies, and start meeting with potential couples that want to adopt. Good luck!

Trisha - posted on 03/12/2015

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As to your parents, most parents are just super excited about being grandparents. The people around you probably like children, and want babies/toddlers around, but that doesn't have to be your responsibility to give them. It's your life.

Trisha - posted on 03/12/2015

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I think you are brave for knowing yourself and understanding that this is not a responsibility you want to to carry. There are MANY women out there who can not conceive, and I think that you are giving them the best gift they could ever receive.
Have you started the adoption process yet? It tends to be a bit of a process from my understanding. You can actually have the adoptive family take the baby from the hospital from my understanding.

Chana - posted on 03/12/2015

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I don't think you are a horrible woman. What you are doing is completely unselfish. You could have had an abortion and never told anyone but you took the best option for you. You know you don't want to be a mom and you are giving someone couple that can not have a child that joy. Your family loves you and doesn't want you to do something you may regret later but from what you have said it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and have thought this through. Your parents are probably thinking about the grandchild they won't get to see and love and I am sure for them that is hard but in the end it is your decision. Thoughts and prayers.

Elisija - posted on 03/12/2015

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No, right now I have not yet found a family for the child, actually I don't really know where to look for it.

Raye - posted on 03/11/2015

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I don't think you are a horrible woman. If you are not prepared to care for the child, then you are absolutely doing the right thing by letting other parents raise it. Don't let others get you down because of your choice. They may never understand, because they don't feel the same way as you, but that doesn't mean that your choice is wrong. You're not thinking only of yourself, but of the better life the child might have with someone else. That is a good thing.

I'm 39 and chose never to have children of my own. I've had people call me names because they just don't understand. I have two step children now that I love and try to help raise them, but my MIL still thinks I dislike kids because I chose never to have my own. She can't understand me because she doesn't allow herself to look past her own narrow view. Some people just can't be reasoned with.

So, don't feel bad. You're doing the right thing for you and for that baby.

Raquera - posted on 03/11/2015

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hello, I feel if you truly don't want your baby, I feel like you should start looking for a family now, so the baby doesn't just stay in a foster home. From the way you are talking about your baby, it seems as if you want nothing to do with the baby.. So by keeping the baby , you may neglect the child... Which I think it worse then adoption.

Sarah - posted on 03/11/2015

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You recognize that you do not want to parent and that is your choice. There is no point in a lecture about birth control as what is done is done. Have you found a family to adopt your child? I don't think you necessarily need to do an open adoption, but you could have a say in who raises your child. Your parents are probably sad that they will not get to be grandparents, and unless you have siblings, you are their only hope for grand kids.
I think people may think your choice odd, because many women do want to parent and sometimes what we find different make us anxious and/or judgmental. You are making a selfless choice, and putting this child into a family that really wants and will love this baby very much.
Hopefully you have contacted an adoption agency as they will provide you with some support when you deliver and help you go over the paperwork needed to sign away your rights. You may need to contact the father legally, or at least publish a notice of paternity and allow him a window of time to respond. He may respond and desire to parent, sign off on the adoption or maybe you won't hear from him at all. Just make sure you cover your bases legally so a few years down the road this baby is not subjected to some sort of awful custody dispute. Finally, take care of yourself. Even if you are 100% confident in your choice, you may still experience sadness, uncertainty or sense of loss. Good Luck!

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