Why is my FIL acting this way? What should i do?

Dominique - posted on 09/18/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My father in law comes over sometimes by surprise. Thats ok; I dont mind it one bit but he has been acting a little awkward lately; almost like he was nervous. It was never this way before i lost a LOT of weight after 4 kids. He will smile at me all the time and when he was talking to a family member one night he kept looking at me and smiling. Anytime his wife is around he still does it but more so. He always gives me eye contact and never crosses his arms like he is mad or upset. Him and his wife are always having disagreements and he acts as if he is unhappy being married to her. He has offered me to drink with him more than once even twice. There is too much to mention. Why would he be acting this way? What should i do about it? I am a SAHM with all 4 of my kids and he knows when andy is home and when he is not. We only have 1 car so its kind of obvious.

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Jodi - posted on 09/19/2015

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Honestly, you have 4 kids. The two of you are ADULTS. Not JUST adults, but WELL AND TRULY adults. How about you both learn to get by without your parents/in-laws? The excuses you are using are ridiculous. I mean, honestly, why is your husband on his mother's insurance at his age? It's time for the two of you to stand on your own two feet. And perhaps stop having children that you clearly can't afford.

Michelle - posted on 09/19/2015

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I'm still not understanding what a mower has to do with it all.
You are allowed to sell a house when you owe money, the balance owing gets taken out of what you make on the house.
Have you told your husband about the way his Father acts towards you? Maybe tell him that you are uncomfortable around your FIL and that you don't want him coming over when he feels like it of when your husband isn't there.

Dominique - posted on 09/19/2015

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We owe over $10K on this house we bought still and we have no public transportation. We live in a small town with nothing closest town is all fast foods, banks and gas stations. We have no friends that live close or come this way to give rides. Also cant afford to move atm.

Michelle - posted on 09/19/2015

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Why can't you move until you have your own mower? That's the weakest excuse.
Also why can't your husband use public transport and let you have the car?

Dominique - posted on 09/19/2015

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We are looking into getting our other car fixed so i can have the van. We are a low income family so we have to wait till tax season. Also i cant drive their vehicles because of insurance. I got ONE little ticket and my MIL took me off the insurance which she lied about (thats another story in itself). My husband and I have talked about moving alot...we first have to get our own mower so he dont have to keep borrowing his dads, another vehicle and insurance (car) of our own. The reason he dont have his own insurance is because his mom convinced him it was better to stay on hers and i dont drive which is becoming a burden on his dad since he is my only ride to town on weekdays which is the only days the kids can get their shots, check ups, etc...and my husband is realizing it now so we are getting our own insurance come tax season too. My MIL and I dont get along all that great...we just "tolerate" each other when we have to be around each other. She dont want to take me anywhere even if the kids have a dr appt. so i have to call my grandma to watch the other three kids most of the time and she lives clear on the other side of the county. My FIL would watch them and take me but i dont want to hound him all the time about taking me places and in emergency cases like if the dr office isnt open like on a saturday and the kids got badly sick and needed antibiotics or something he would take me but other than that i dont really like to ask him for rides unless absolutely needed. I asked my MIL to give me a ride one day and she pushed my FIL to give me a ride. he dropped everything and gave me a ride. She got mad becase i heard her say(she doesnt know i heard btw) "why you dropping everything for her? if it was me you would want to finish what you was doing (like putting a pipe in for his new shed) then give me a ride." She even got mad because he came over one day to see the kids by himself without asking her to come also. I didnt invite him over btw he just came randomly. He sounded upset too when my husband talked to him about moving to another but bigger town.

Michelle - posted on 09/19/2015

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You seriously think your FIL would tell you he had a crush on his DIL? Of course he won't say anything, it's wrong for him to be having feelings for you (if he does).
Maybe you need to look at getting a 2nd car so you have the freedom to do what you need to do with the children while your husband is at work. Or he can get public transport to work and leave you with the car, you have 4 kids with no way of getting them anywhere.

Dominique - posted on 09/18/2015

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It makes it hard because my daughter turned 4 at the end of july and with my husband working all the time, i dont have any other way to get her shots. She has to wait till the end of this month to get them and like i said we only have one vehicle (a van) and his wife works during the times she can get them as does my husband and he is my only ride. Im never "alone" with him because i always have my kids with me. If he does have a "crush" on me...why dont he just say something? im not going to be mad about it.

Michelle - posted on 09/18/2015

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It's very hard for us to say what he is thinking but just from what you have written it sounds like he has at least a crush on you. I'm not saying this to create problems but if he is having problems in his marriage, and you have lost weight then he may be thinking about what he is missing out on.
I would try and not be alone with him and when he just comes over maybe say it isn't a good time.

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