Why is my one year old acting like this and what should I do?

Erista's Mom - posted on 08/27/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My one year-old has been getting kind of pushy and she always whines for me to carry her. I have to hold her CONSTANTLY from the moment I get home until I leave for work the next day with hardly any breaks in between. She gets very whiny and temperamental not just when she's tired or teething. Lately she's been plain sassy and I don't know where it's coming from. If she doesn't get what she wants immediately she whines, scratches, yells, waves her hands, and can be rather destructive. My husband watches her during the day while I am at work, he says that he holds her a lot but she's not whiny and crabby with him. I honestly have no clue why every single day when I come home I'm subjected to tears and almost "bossiness" from my one year old. I know for a fact she's perfectly fine, laughing and playing before she sees me and then it's all tears and "mama, up!" from there. It's very exhausting and sometimes I feel like she's just happier in general when I'm not around. I love my daughter and I wish I knew how to remedy this negative behavior. I don't even understand what the source of it could be. Please help.

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Michelle - posted on 08/28/2012

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You said a very interesting point in your reply. You give in eventually because she throws such a fit. She is learning that if she keeps up whining and crying etc that she will eventually get her own way. I know it's hard but you have to be strong and stick to what you want her to do. She will eventually understand that tantrums don't get her anywhere and they will reduce but as long as you keep giving in she will continue.



It will be a hard few days but at her age she is learning where she stands in the family dynamics and at the moment she is ahead of you. I have had 3 and I know some nights it's a battle of the wills but the kids know that I usually win so now don't fight me. Mine are now 11, 8.5 and 2.5. Yes it's my 2.5yo that is the most trouble at the moment but I don't have the tantrums like they used to be.

Erista's Mom - posted on 08/28/2012

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Thanks, I do still hold and nurse her. The problem is that she never wants to stop from the time I get home until I go back to work the next morning. I am not weaning her, it's just that she likes to eat solid foods too now (mostly when she's at home w/ her daddy during the day). Really nothing in our daily routine has changed except she's getting to be too big for me to carry constantly and regardless of whether or not she's nursing she gets very moody...almost bossy, for lack of a better word. Idk how else to describe it. There's not a lot of "cry-it-out" going on but, sheesh, can I ever put her down without feeling like the world's worst mother? My entire life is structured around my daughter's well-being (I only work four hour shifts at a time right next door to where I live), I let her sleep in my room right next to me on her mattress because she's so tall and strong that she can climb out of her crib and I'm worried she'll hurt herself. From the moment I get in the door until I leave for work in the morning it's ALL about my daughter, there is no deprivation of love and attention. I don't think it's asking much that I be able to sit with her without her constantly latched to me or bawling because I have to get something done. She's not like this with my husband. They bond together in different ways and, what seems to me, to be a more positive playful relationship that I can't help envying. She also does not cry at him whenever he walks around without carrying her but, I suppose, that's how it goes with daddies.

Dove - posted on 08/28/2012

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If she's used to nursing all the time and you just stopped nursing her and won't even let her in your lap.... There's your answer to her behavior. She's only one. How is it not healthy for her development to be held and nursed? I didn't even set any limits with my nursing son until he was a year and a half... and he didn't wean until 3. Granted, I was with him all the time as well, but holding her and nursing her will NOT be a negative to her development.



My son is 4.5 now.... happy, healthy, preschooler who is learning to be quite independent in HIS time.... not mine.



Granted, you are free to do what you want with your own child, but your baby just wants what she knows and loves.... I wouldn't give in to the fits, of course, because Michelle is right that WILL make things worse, but if you're giving in anyway.... why not do it BEFORE the fit starts. Either stick to things your way.... or let her be held and nursed. Going back and forth is confusing to her and causing the tantrums to escalate.

Michelle - posted on 08/28/2012

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She just misses you. When I was a SAHM my husband got the same thing when he walked in the door. Now that I am also working full time she gets her Daddy time when he picks her up from daycare and then she gets time with me when I get home.



Take time to be with her when you first get home. Dinner can wait an extra 15-30 mins for you to spend some time with her. Make sure it's quality time though. Read some books, build something with blocks, play with her dolls, anything that she wants to do. You may find that if you give her that 1 on 1 attention she will let you get on with what you need to do for the rest of the night.

Kimberly - posted on 08/28/2012

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There is no source for this, its simply called missing mommy!!!! My daughter does the same things sometimes. She has missed you all day and when you get home its would usually be closed to that end of day when everyone is tired and that but more emotional. She is also getting to the age where she is going to test the waters to see how much more she can demand from you and yes tempertatnrums ae part of it but you dont have to give in. I usually try when I get home from work to have cuddles and ask how the day has gone ( my dd is almost 3 so bit more talking then 1) and just relax with her for half an hour then if I need to get dinner going I will get her to help me or if hubby is doing dinner I will sit down on the floor with her and play for a bit so I am still close. Maybe try sitting down with her rather then carrying her. We have dinner and baths then I do the stories before bed. Your daughter is just missing you and wants you, I know it is hard to take sometimes after a long day but they dont know yet how to control the emotions. Just give her heaps of cuddles give in to some stuff but not everything. Hope that helps some and it does get better, sepration anietxy kind of peaks at 18 months

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Erista's Mom - posted on 08/28/2012

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You haven't made me feel worse, I apologize for the lack of clarity. I haven't really discussed this with anyone so just typing it has already helped me understand the situation so much better. Thank you all for your input! :)

Dove - posted on 08/28/2012

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Sorry. I misunderstood what you were saying. I didn't mean to make you feel worse. :(



I don't have any additional suggestions to what has already been mentioned.

Erista's Mom - posted on 08/28/2012

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My mattress is also on the floor so that she will not be able to hurt herself if she decides to crawl over to me and so I can sleep easier knowing she can't fall. My entire bedroom (and most of my house) is baby-proof.

Erista's Mom - posted on 08/28/2012

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Thank very much! As you can probably tell, I am a first-time mom and I just want to do what's best for my family. One thing I forgot to add is that my daughter has been breastfed full-time until recently (because she can eat solid foods now) and that also seems to be a factor. I do try to just sit with her and not carry or hold her all the time, but she always starts to whine if I don't let her up on my lap. So...I eventually give in because she throws such a fit most of the time and it just escalates to the point where we're both miserable. Then all she wants to do is nurse. She is getting to be a big girl now, I cannot possibly carry and nurse her every second I am home and I don't think that's healthy for her development anyway. I would love for her to just sit beside me and play together happily, but that doesn't happen very often. Persistence, I guess. She just knows exactly how to win me over.

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