Why is my son lying to me about his relationship

Sue - posted on 11/04/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )




My son keeping telling me he doesn't want to be in a relationship with any girl until he is older. This girl in his class has been trying for two year to be more than just friends. They text each other every day and last week she wanted to come over and spend the night. Neither her Dad or I thought it was a good idea, so she came over for a few hours. Last night I checked my son messages and they were talking about having kissed and she was telling him he could touch her anywhere if he wanted to. Still when I asked him this morning if he was starting to think of her more as a girlfriend, he stated again that he didn't want to be serious with her. We have always been very close, so I don't unstand why he is lying to me about their relationship status.


Raye - posted on 11/04/2015




I agree you shouldn't push him. He may not know what kind of relationship he wants with her, and she sounds too forward. Since you know she's giving permission to 'touch" her, then you need to definitely have the sex talk with your son. If you already have, a refresher is not a bad idea. Kissing and heavy petting is one thing, but it might quickly turn into something more serious and he should know what can happen (pregnancy, STD's, etc.). Maybe go buy some condoms and show him how to put them on (using a banana). Tell him that he doesn't have your permission to have sex, but if he ever does he needs to be smart about it. If you don't want to give the condoms directly to him, casually let him see which drawer you put them in, so he can access them if he wants to practice putting them on himself, or actually use one for sex.

Jodi - posted on 11/04/2015




Maybe he isn't lying to you about the relationship status. Maybe he DOESN'T want a serious relationship. I remember having a relationship like that when I was a teen - we were never really "in" a relationship, just friends with a little bit more occasionally. We liked each other, but never really enough to want to be serious.


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Michele - posted on 11/04/2015




I remember going through this with my mom and her pushing me about a friend when I was in high school. My mom didn't talk to me about relationships, woman things or sex so when she asked about relationships it was very awkward. I'm determined to be a better mom and read that having some of these more awkward conversions in the car may help kids open up since there is lee eye contact etc. How old is he? Perhaps his changing hormones are causing him to pull away a bit.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/04/2015




Stop pushing him!
It is not up to YOU to determine when their relationship will be morphed (if it ever WILL be). He's not necessarily "lying" to you at this point, but he's telling you that you may be pushing the envelope a bit here. He thinks of her as his friend. His good friend, yes, but still in the 'friend zone'.
Even when I was in HS, back in the dark ages of the late 1980's, the "friend zone" sometimes included kissing and an occasional feel up...
If he doesn't want to be "in a relationship", then that's how he feels. He still can have female friends, and still may have "friends with benefits"

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