Why is my soon to be 9 year old daughter STILL touching herself!?!?!

Misty - posted on 07/28/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am a single Mother of two little girls. My oldest daughter has had this ongoing "problem" with touching herself since I caught her when she was 2 years old. She will be 9 in August and it's only getting worse. I have read other parents comments on this topic and I don't agree at all!! I don't think it's okay to walk in and see your daughter with her hands on her private part and rubbing hard on her area. I am by no means trying to get too graphic but I don't know how much more I can take. I have been fighting this for almost 7 years now and with her father not in the picture, I've been doing it on my own. I don't know if it falls back to my Christianity background but this is NOT okay. This is my little girl who should be focused on cheerleading and playing with barbies, not feeling good from masterbation. I've read so many comments but I have never posted anything before today. I need help and I have taken my daughter to see a counselor and her PCP many times. He even threatened her and told her if she was to come back for the same reason, she would need to get a shot (vaccine) for the germs she is putting in her private area. I have prayed many nights asking God to please help her with this. She now has a two year old sister and I'm scared to death she will see what her older sister is doing or worse, my oldest daughter would touch her. I have made threats and informed her that this isn't okay. This is something you wait and share with your husband. I am sure I will get many comments stating I am over reacting but I'm not and maybe bc I haven't completely went off is the reason she feels this is okay. I do need help from anyone who is or has dealt with this. I may not of phrased everything the correct way and forgive me for that. I just really am at a loss for words at this point and I feel like pulling my hair out. I model part time and go to school part time so there is many days when my daughter is with her grandmother. Which she just admitted to me that she touches herself at her grandmother's house as well. When she walked into my office and brought this to my attention, I just left the room. What else could I say? What can I do that I haven't already? For God sake, WHAT AM I MISSING??What can I do to help my daughter? If you believe this is "okay" please don't even worry about commenting. I need good advice by someone who has the same beliefs as I do or similar at the very least. I don't know what else to do or where to turn. Please help me.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2015

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"I'm not sure if you are a parent but when you are and a darn good one, you want the very best for your child/children"~~Oh, no, I just troll parenting websites for the 'fun'...OF COURSE I'm a parent, and I'm offended that you imply that I'm not a GOOD one. Of course we all want the best for our children, but freaking out over normal situations, and having doctors THREATEN your kids is not what's 'best'. No doctor should ever use threats of any kind when handling children. That simply creates an unreasonable fear of all medical professionals, and doesn't help any situation.
What you need to do is let it go. You making a big deal of things all the time makes it more difficult for everyone. Remind her af appropriate public behaviour, and respect her privacy. Yes, you can encourage her to save her virginity, but masturbating isn't going to send her to hell.
Get a better physician, though. The threats and open lying to children will cause problems.

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Misty - posted on 07/28/2015

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I did not mean to offend you which I obviously did. The person that told me about this site is a woman who is trying to get pregnant but hasn't been successful yet. That's why I asked or implied. I am by no means am trying to get anyone mad by my comments. I am simply trying to get the best advice for my little girl.

Misty - posted on 07/28/2015

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Sarah,
Thank you for your comment. I do understand completely where you are coming from. My daughter does no longer see the Doctor who told her that. If I'm not mistaken, the last time she had a doctors visit with him was when she was 4. I have never punished her not once. I have only made threats thinking it would just stop and most of those empty threats was when she was younger. God didn't bless me with a little boy but had he did, I'm sure I would feel the exact same way. I know a lot of it is how you are raised and what your told is wrong and right. However, in today's society it seems like your family values aren't really valued anymore. I understand that she will have urges as every young pre-teen will. I do realize we are only human and imperfect as God made us. I just wish if it was something she so abdomatley had to do, she would do it in private and not in school or church camp which was most recent. I have stressed to her that I don't want her doing it at all but if she was to PLEASE do it in private. I just want what is best for both of my daughters. I'm not saying she is abnormal. I just honestly as a parent, get tired of dealing with it. We all have our breaking point and for me to be on a forum trying to reach out to people for help tells me I have had mine. I do not mistreat my child for this or punish her as I said. When I am told or walk in, It's just disheartening. I knew I would be dealing with this one day when I found out I was pregnant with my beautiful first born daughter. I just didn't know she was going to be 2 years old and it would last 7 years. I'm sure it's something that isn't going to stop and even though I feel like I'm going against the way I was raised (to fight the urge so to speak) and beliefs of family and friends, I am going to just stress to her that she is only to do that in private when no one else is around. Just typing that I get sick to my stomach. I am very open minded and I don't judge anyone for what they do or have done as I don't want to be judged. However, I feel this is my weakness and I will admit, I probably am small minded about this situation. I just love my daughter so much and I only want what is best for her. Thank you for your comment Sarah. Reading the comments, I am trying so hard to be more open minded.

Sarah - posted on 07/28/2015

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I am sorry you feel that this behavior is wrong or abnormal. It isn't. I am a devoted Catholic and a passionate mother of four kids. No matter how you want to frame it spiritually; if you look at the biology behind her behavior you may understand. We are driven by basic instinct to seek food, shelter, safety and to procreate. Why do you think sex feels good? So that we as humans will continue to have sex and continue the species. Just like a warm bed and a full belly feel good, and we seek to repeat the behaviors that give us the reward of the positive feelings. To punish her for doing something that she instinctively is driven to do and to repeat will only push her to hide the behavior from you and fear approaching you with questions. You should definitely tell her this is something does in private, and when her door is closed you should knock before entering. She should not do this in front of her sister either. It's fine to encourage her to maintain her virginity for marriage, especially if that is a family value you feel strongly about. I wonder how you'd feel if you'd caught your son masturbating?
PS i know you don't necessarily want to hear this; fire your doctor. He lied and threatened your child. That is unprofessional, unacceptable and cruel.

Misty - posted on 07/28/2015

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I appreciate your response. The reason I mentioned cheerleading and playing with barbies is bc she is very active and is currently a cheerleader. She loves things of that nature. I don't care what she wants to do in life, as long as she is happy. I just wish this situation wasn't involved. As far as your comment about the Doctor, I of course never asked him to say that. I took it that he felt very strongly against the situation. That was something that he came up with and just informed me it should work, which in fact it didn't. She has seen a total of 3 PCPS since she was 2 and mainly bc we moved and had to transfer to another doctor. I'm not sure if you are a parent but when you are and a darn good one, you want the very best for your child/children. Yes, I do realize we no longer live in the dark ages. Being under 30 myself, I never have. I simply wanted to exercise every scenerio I know to make sure my daughter has the best possible life and is happy and healthy. I don't want to be criticized for things I have done the past 7 years or what others such as her Physicians have said. I just want to know what to do from here. I have two Doctors, 3 Lawyers and 13 Nurses in my family that I have talked to about this situation along with counselors and her PCPS I have referenced to. It's hard when everyone feels even more strongly about the situation then you as the parent do. I know we will get through this and I don't let it affect her daily life as much as I possibly can. Again, I just need more information if there isn't something I haven't done and could be.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2015

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Wow. Unbunch your undies!

She's perfectly normal, unless she's taking it to a level of asking others to participate. I masturbated at that age...and, no, I wasn't abused, I was raised in a Christian home.

What are you going to do if she doesn't WANT to be a cheerleader, or play with barbies? What if she wants to be a firefighter and play with popguns?

And, seriously, you have a physician that feels the appropriate treatment for a perfectly natural action is to THREATEN THE CHILD??? Great medical provider there...

Get yourself some counseling before you go nuts. Realize that we do NOT live in the dark ages anymore, and these actions and feelings are normal. You are driving yourself crazy, and potentially alienating your daughter with your reactions.

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