Why must sex ruin a marriage*

Adrienne - posted on 05/23/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




Let me start by saying, this is my first post here. I hope to find relief in knowing there are other moms out there going through the same thing. My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years been together 4. I have a 7 year old, he has 2 children and we have a 19 month old together. Sex has always been very importaint to my husband and I understand that but lately its getting to the point where I dont know if I will ever be enough. Some of the things he has said to me after I turn down his advances are, "If you dont do it I will find someone who will". That was 4 weeks after a c-section and after I had already given him sex a few days prior. (Yes you heard that right, 4 weeks after a c-section) another time he told me I was weird and he dont understand me and just last night he woke me up at 1:30 in the morning and when I turned him down he told me I was the reason for our marital problems. There are other times but those are the ones that are still fresh in my memory. He is not deprived, maybe 2x a week and if we are super busy 1x a week and a little something else on the side but the norm for us is every 3-4 days for some reason. We do have 4 kids between us, our marriage has been rocky but this is just getting out of hand. Why would someone who claims loves you act like a toddler when he doesnt get sex on demand? Half the time I do it just to do it so we dont fight. So I can go to bed and not have to worry about him fighting with me first. Anyone else been through this and make it out alright? One more thing..I know sex drives dwindle a little after kids but this was an issue before our toddler was born. Thanks guys


Raye - posted on 05/23/2016




He should not be demanding sex from you so soon after giving birth. Even if you didn't have the child vaginally, there could still be risk of infection. It's best to wait at least 6 weeks. If he is threatening to leave or cheat because you're not having enough sex for his liking, then he's a JERK. It takes two to have a successful marriage. It's almost never just one person's fault.

Different people have different sex drives' and there's not one "correct" number of times you should have sex per week. Yes, every once in a while I go ahead with it just to get my husband to quit pawing and let me sleep, but generally I want to participate. Ideally, both people should want it. Unless there's a hormonal imbalance or other physical factor, sex drive can be related to how fulfilled a woman feels in the relationship. If he's always taking and not concerned about your well being, then how are you supposed to want to keep giving with little or nothing in return? If you don't feel close emotionally, it's hard to want to be close physically.

Sounds like you both could benefit from counseling. If he won't go, then you should still go for yourself. You can't keep going the way it's been going. And maybe you need to think about what message you're really sending to the kids by staying together. Would you want them to stay in relationship where they are mistreated and not respected?

Sarah - posted on 05/23/2016




This is a tough topic. I have four kids and been married to the same man for 23 years. I would say our sex life has definitely had its ups and downs over this time for sure. There were times I wanted it more and time when he wanted more. Talking about it at a time where there was no pressure to perform, like a restaurant, helped us both be able to voice our frustrations and our needs in a safe place. I have never felt obligated to perform, persuaded? Certainly. We had a period where we went over 6 months without an active sex (there was a bit of relief here and there ) due to me having a baby, and then him hurting his back badly. Have you talked to him? told him you don't want to do certain things? You have a right to say no, as does he. IMO marriage don't fail over sex, they fail over lack of communication and trust.


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