why should my son have to know he's biracial?

Mike - posted on 08/16/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Well, my son Jayden has really wavy really dark brown hair and a light olive complection his face looks a lot like mine just darker and blue eyes. Most think he's like Italian in appearance or something. Even though I'm so fair. Anyhow when his dad wanted to be involved he was only 2 months old and he saw him and quickly denied that he was his son because he was at that time a lot lighter with blue eyes even softer hair. It's a good thing that his dad thinks he's not his because I don't want anything to do with him he was really abusive. But it's more like he's now 1 in Sept. So he's probably going to be what he is now. So like I was wondering what the point was to even really let him know? Like more people will see he looks Irish American. My mom even think he's not half black... I mean I just don't get the point. Since he doesn't look half black and all?

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Dove - posted on 08/16/2012

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Kids deserve to know the truth about who they are and where they come from. Why do you not think your son deserves to know the truth about HIS genetics?

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Mike - posted on 08/23/2012

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his dad should really be in prison for all the things he did to me. Many women in my situation I am actually triggered by him. So I don't actually have anything that reminds me of him with good reason.

Abi - posted on 08/23/2012

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Your boy sounds so handsome!!! Of course you must tell him!! And if he has no contact with his black side of the family - it is your job to educate him about his black heritage. My mixed race children are extremely proud of their Jamaican / Celtic roots.

Dove - posted on 08/22/2012

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He still has a right to know WHO his father is and where he came from. Regardless of what race his father is.... the boy is going to have questions and he deserves the truth... in an age appropriate manner. Obviously you won't want to detail the abuse, but just that his father made some poor choices that made it safer for the two of you to not be around him.... or something like that. He will probably want to know what his father looks like, where he is, etc..... If you are planning to lie to your son about his father.... well, that's something that I won't agree agree with.. ever.

Mike - posted on 08/22/2012

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I don't have anything to do with his dad. Like I said he was abusive towards me in all ways possible. I won't ever allow them to have contact. It's not that I have issues with race just I don't get what if it has much to do with who he is as he takes after my side mostly.

Denikka - posted on 08/17/2012

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I agree with Elfreida.
I personally wouldn't make a big deal about it or even really bring it up. I don't think race matters much at all. But if he wonders where he gets certain features from, tell him he looks a bit like you/your side of the family and a bit like his dad/his dads side of the family. Show him pictures if you have them.
I definitely wouldn't keep it a secret or anything, but I also wouldn't make it a big deal.

Elfrieda - posted on 08/17/2012

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I'm not sure it really matters. If/when he talks about hair colour or how he looks different from you, you can show him a picture of his father and say, "well, I think you got your hair from your father and your eyes from me. And the way you laugh reminds me of my dad." Or something like that. If you have a photo of his father, that would probably be the easiest and best way, because you'll need to talk to him about why his father isn't around anyway. If he's seen that picture from early in life (like age 3 or whatever) then it won't come as a big shock if he finds out when he's a teenager.



But I don't know where you live, I know it's a really big deal in some places. I definitely don't think it's a good idea to keep it a deep dark secret, but if it's going to affect the way people treat him I can see why you would want to spare him that by keeping it private, just between him and you.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/17/2012

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I would not deny my kid the truth about his heritage. That is a HUGE lie, and they will resent you for it when they find out, and he WILL find out. I think that is awfully selfish of you. He should be exposed to both of his heritage. It will really confuse him later, and he will question who he really is down the road. You are going to create a lot of internal conflict for this child if you do not tell him the truth, and teach him about his heritage.

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