Why would my mum go behind my back? Im very careful not to sexualise my 6 year old daughter. I'm ok with her wearing a tankini on holiday abroad but not a bikini and certainly not in our local pool. this weekend gone my mum took my daughter swimming, she swapped her costume for a bikini and told my daughter to keep it a secret, afterwards she wetted the costume so id think she wore it. Im hurt, confused, really peeved to say the least my mother did this. why? she wont respond to my texts since i've found out which angers me even more. surely i'm entitled to raise my daughter how i see fit, right?!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Krista - posted on 08/15/2012

12,562

16

845

I agree with the others. The bikini thing is bad enough, but it's REALLY bad that your mum is telling your daughter that it's okay to sneak around and hide things from you. I would focus on that, more than on the bikini. Just ask her, "How would it have made you feel if your mother had taught me to deceive you and lie to you? Would you have been happy about that?"

S. - posted on 08/15/2012

1,182

9

312

I'd be livid i am like you and don't allow certain clothes, I'm sure you mum was just being daft and mindless and really didn't mean no harm but you do need to sit her down and make her listen to why your up set, make it clear that if she's saying it's ok for your daughter to sneak n keep things from mum whilst she's with gran then she isn't going to think twice about sneaking around with other ppl.
My mum took my daughter out once and bought her heals (which I don't allow either) needless to say I took my daughter on a long treck round shopping and she never wore them again!

6 Comments

View replies by

S. - posted on 08/15/2012

1,182

9

312

It is to be expected that your mum is finding it hard to let go giving the situation but she really dose have to let u do it your own way now. She sounds like a supportive mother who's just got it something very very wrong. O and good for you for making something of yourself :)

Natalie - posted on 08/15/2012

3

0

0

I had my daughter at 17, so I relied on my mum heavily in the first few years to say the least, financially, emotionally, etc. But i'm now 24 and just about to qualify as a solicitor and naturally as i've grown up and developed, I'm becoming the mother I always would be if you follow. I think the issue is that my mother still feels, whats the word i'm looking for, as needed now as she was back when I really needed her. Now I need her to step back a bit, and be a 'normal' granny. I think this is the underlying issue, I moved from Oxford to Bournemouth 3 years ago to begin my 'adult life' and I thought it was really important for my kid to grow up having those clear boundaries, i'm her mother and my mum is her granny.
Thank you for all the responses, I think I defiantly need to have a chat with my mum,

Lacye - posted on 08/15/2012

889

0

221

This is your child, therefore it is your right to raise her the way you see fit! I personally agree with you that 6 years old is way too young of a girl to be wearing a bikini. My daughter has one but I don't put it on her unless I absolutely have to and that's only when we are here at the house. By the way, I did not buy the bikini, my husband's aunt did. I would be just as pissed as you are for your mother telling your child to keep it a secret from you. She should know better!

Dove - posted on 08/15/2012

11,621

0

1348

If your mom is telling your child to keep a secret from you (other than a NICE surprise for YOU)... that is a huge red flag and I would not have her alone with my child again if I were you.

It is your right to raise your daughter your way and if she can't respect that.... supervised access or no access.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms