Widow due to suucide with two kids

Bobbi - posted on 12/05/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I'm a 31 yr old widow. My husband took his life six months ago this month. Left me with a 9 yr old and a 6yr old. It's a nightmare !!! I am struggling majority with the 9yr old. We have tried counseling and doesn't seem to work. Any suggestions and support would be great !!!

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Karen - posted on 02/03/2014

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Hi Bobbi, sorry I didn't answer right away. I took my son to a childrens counselor, one on one. Whether he talked or not he went. I made sure it was someone he was comfortable with. I think being open with my children helped. I always told them that no one was to blame. I reassured them that their dad did love them very much but because of his illness he would always be sick. We studied and talked about his sickness so that they could or would understand eventually. I am not sure of your whole story but your husband must have suffered from some type of depression. I believe in counselling, individual and family. you may feel like you are spinning your wheels but trust me you are not.

Rachel - posted on 12/07/2013

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Bobbi, this is so awful. I'm sorry you've been put in such an unbelievably challenging position, and that your husband's family is against you makes this situation so much more drastic. My biggest advice would be to not try to tackle this fight by yourself. Find a good support group and a community of other parents to help take care of you. It sounds like you're all alone. The site http://www.familygroups.org has a list of parent support groups, and they can help you make other mom friends. I would definitely seek to get some other moms in your corner--not just on the Internet, but in real life. Fighting this battle with other people can make it a lot more endurable.

[momoftwo] - posted on 12/06/2013

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Wow that's messed right up. I mean no one should be pointing the finger I imagine you didn't cheat on him and then he went and done that from heartbreak.
Even the best of marriages have their struggles so even if he did it over you two bickering; that's no reason to hate you for it. Everyone has their fights. Some people just choose the easy way out and if anything his family should be there for you and your kid though this hard time.
I can't believe people treat each other like that over someone's death, that'd be the last thing I'd want if I were him.

Bobbi - posted on 12/06/2013

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Oh yes fully. They do not speak to me at all. My husband and I were struggling with our marriage of 12 years and had our own issues going on. They fully blame me for everything. They do not call to talk to my kids either. They rely on a relative to be the middle person. His father is holding personal property of my husbands and refuses to let me or my son have it.

[momoftwo] - posted on 12/06/2013

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Oh my god his family actually blames you? That's a bit ridiculous because it's no ones fault except his own he wanted to do it. I hope you aren't putting the blame on yourself either. *hugs*
I hope your little ones will stay strong :(
I was like your son too when I was younger I would bottle it up and hated counciling. He may just not want to talk about it because it hurts so bad but I hope he eventually opens up because it is better to talk about things. I majority of the anger is towards the father and never having answers to why he did it, and when it comes down to it kids always blame themselves even if it had nothing to do with them it's just how they feel. Poor little sweethearts ♥

Bobbi - posted on 12/06/2013

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What type of counseling did you try Karen? We did do group family therapy with me and both kids and my son refused to go. Refused to talk. I have ended that therapy and now have the school counselor trying to help. I'm half tempted to pack our bags and sell the house. Start fresh far far away.

Karen - posted on 12/05/2013

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This is always so hard for children. They do not know how to express themselves.My Son was soooo very angry, He went from a shy quiet kid to a screaming throwing things and it became worse. age7 I tried counselling (hind sight I should have stuck with it even though it seemed not to help) I know now it would have eventually. within six months his anger and uncontrollable temper was rampt, he fought with his sisters till they would cry. I put him inpatient for 6 months, He said he hated me he would never forgive me etc. I always told him that he could feel like that but that I would love him no matter what.
Skipping to the present day...He is 21 and such an awesome young man. When he hit 19 he came to me and said mom remember when you had locked me up..eh yes I do but not my happiest memory. why son? He came and gave me the biggest longest hug and said Mom I just want to thank you and I love you and what you did for me took a strong momma and my thanks to you will be to always making you so proud. I was in tears but squeaked out you do make me proud. Its called tough love and strength only from God. Just never give up.

Bobbi - posted on 12/05/2013

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We have been taking it day by day. My 9yr old son has so much built up anger and can't figure out how to mange it. My husbands family is out of hand also, placing blame on me it really is a nightmare.

Melissaowens43 - posted on 12/05/2013

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hi im also a widow my husband died in a car wreck 12 years go we have 2 kids they were 3 ans 12 months old .u have to take it day buy day ,step by step cry when they cry hold them when they need it.time will heal the hurt ..i hope this helps some times just letting them get mad is ok .

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