Widowed Mother of an 8 Year Old

Courtney J - posted on 07/29/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )

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On September 29th of 2012 my husband shot himself with a rifle in front of me. The only true explanation is that he was drinking heavily that day as we and a number of friends celebrated my daughter's 8th birthday at the local bowling alley. Everything seemed fine until 8:30pm when we began what I thought was a small tif. I ignored it and went to the garage. He followed me which was very unlike him. Within 5 minutes he shot himself. I was of course splattered with blood including the remnants of his brain in my hair. I only know the last part because the state trooper told me I might want to take a shower. Luckily enough my daughter had spent the night at a friends, my mother and aunt informed her the following morning. She too has her own issues and carries around a lot of anger. Anyway, I am not doing well. According to my therapist, it is normal that I feel this happened yesterday even though it was almost a year ago. I am 39 and feel as though my life is over. I cannot imagine caring or loving someone else because I still hold those feelings for my husband. I don't see that happening anywhere in sight. I have been suidcidal since this happened, but I hang on because I can't imagine my daughter having to deal with my suicide as well. My doctor recommended I find some sort of support group, but they are not so easy to find. I saw this website when googleing "wives whose husbands committed suicide", read a few of the posts and figured I'd give it a try.

Thanks

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