Will I always love my son's father, even though he has never been a part of our lives?

Danae - posted on 12/01/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

4

0

0

I am 21 years old and I have a 4 year old son. My son's father has never been a part of our lives and I have only him about 3 times since in the past 5 years. I got pregnant when I was 16 years old when I was visiting my cousin in a different state. My son's father has never met his dad. My son's father has never seen me pregnant, He has never tried to come see us or anything. I have never asked for money or child support.



Anyways, for some reason ever since I was 16 years old, I have had this idea in my head that some day, some how, some where.... my son's father would come back to us... That one day he would wake up and realize that I am not so bad.. and that he has a part of him living out in the world somewhere. I used to wonder if he even thought about us, or if he knew my son's middle name.. or his birthday.. and I used to wonder why I wasn't good enough for him to stick around. What was so wrong with me that I am not worth it. I still don't understand why I am not/have not been good enough.



That is besides the point, but anyway.. Recently my son's father has been contacting me, sort of explaining some of his feelings. For the longest time I thought of him as this idea - that wasn't real and didn't have feelings. But I have always continued to love him, for the simple fact that He is the father of my child. My son has never asked about where his dad is or why he doesn't have a dad - nothing at all. But ever since he has been trying to continuously texting/calling at least once every week and i just love him so much. I'm afraid that I will never be able to get over him.



It is not even like I think about him once a day. I have moved on, dated other people, but for some reason if anything starts to get serious my mind reverts back my son's father. I tend to think, What if my son's father came back and I wasn't available to him. I don't want him to not be in my son's life because i'm "taken". I don't know if it is just a school girl crush, a fantasy that I have always had in the back of my head.. or what it is... I am just a little afraid that I am never going to get married or anything because I am afraid that I won't be available for my son's father if/when he ever does come back to us.. to be a part of our lives.



I would just like some feed back.. What do I do? What can I do ? Will I get over him? Do I need to confront him and tell him how I feel, or What? I am so confused. I know I have to protect my son, but when would it be appropriate for my son's father to see him? When he wants to see my son, How much stability/consistantsy do I need to see before I allow my son to meet him? or even just talk to him? I'm so confused and emotional and lost.. I need help.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Michelle - posted on 12/01/2012

3,549

8

3244

Because you will always be wondering the what if and that makes people bitter.



There is no point living in the past because you can't change it. You have to move forward and enjoy life. We are only here for such a short time that it's not worth it to keep wondering about the what if's.



You have to accept the choices you have made and the path your life has taken. My Aunt keeps blaming the rest of the family for the choices she has made in life and she is a very bitter person to be around.

5 Comments

View replies by

Michelle - posted on 12/01/2012

3,549

8

3244

That's something only you can control. You have to be the one to make that decision and follow it through.



I will tell you one thing though, if you keep going the way you are then you will end up very bitter and lonely. Seek some counseling to get you through.

Danae - posted on 12/01/2012

4

0

0

I understand that, its just my son is about to turn 5, so in order for my son & his father to meet soon.. would be in my discretion.. ya know? I know i don't need a relationship with him in order for my son to have a relationship with him.. i just wonder will I always hold back from every relationship & every commitment because of my "what if.." thoughts about my son's father & I

Michelle - posted on 12/01/2012

3,549

8

3244

You shouldn't stop your son meeting his Father at all. It doesn't matter if he sees him for 1 day or frequently for the rest of his life. It's not up to you to decide if they meet, it's your son's right to know his father.



As for you getting over him etc. It doesn't help you at all to love someone when it isn't returned. You need to have a talk and see where you both are and if there is any chance of starting over. Once you have had an open discussion then you can decide if you will give it another chance or go your separate ways. You don't have to be in a relationship with him for your son to have a relationship with him.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms