Will I get into trouble for this in court?

Brittney - posted on 02/05/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My ex bf and I have a 19 month old son. Paternity was established last February and he's been visiting his son since then. I really don't want him to have a say in our sons life. He left me when I was pregnant and his whole excuse is that he caught me with another man and didn't know if it was hishe kid. He even made me get a DNA test done. And now he's engaged to some girl he dated in high school. He took me to court in September over joint custody and he got joint legal for some reason. Luckily he didn't get joint physical. He found out my bf that my son and I live with is a felon. He has a D felony for domestic battery, battery, criminal recklessness. My bf hit me once and I called and left my ex a message to let him know, and then my bf called and was justifying his reason. Now my ex thinks this house ain't safe for my baby and me and he wants full custody. He said I'm not responsible cuz I won't get a job to help support my son, and because I don't have a license or a car and because I wanted to take my son with me to meet a man I met online. He said since he has texts and voice mails of me and my bf talking about all this stuff then he has enough proof to show judge I'm not responsible as a mom. But he had a hard time even finding a good job. He claims he got one now that he actually likes and is making good money at. But it made it where he had to move back to where he originally lived last year which is almost 2 hours away. He lived there when the original court order was filed and for some reason the judge didn't think it was a major distance factor, so he still got overnight visits. Am I going to be in trouble for any of this when we go to court?

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Jodi - posted on 02/05/2015

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I am really hoping this one is another troll post, because if it isn't, then lady, you need to seriously grow up and get your head out of your arse.

"He left me when I was pregnant and his whole excuse is that he caught me with another man and didn't know if it was hishe kid." ~~Why he left YOU or when he left YOU is totally irrelevant to the custody of the child. He didn't leave the child, he left you. He is clearly still interested in being in the child's life. That's a positive thing for your child.

"And now he's engaged to some girl he dated in high school." ~~ so what?

"He took me to court in September over joint custody and he got joint legal for some reason. " ~~ I don't know where you live, but joint legal custody is pretty normal. Most engaged (as opposed to disengaged) parents will get joint legal custody because both parents have a right to have a say in how their child is brought up, educated, and so on.

"He found out my bf that my son and I live with is a felon. He has a D felony for domestic battery, battery, criminal recklessness.....now my ex thinks this house ain't safe for my baby and me and he wants full custody. " ~~ this is where I start to actually also question your parenting choices. I wouldn't want my child in that home either. And he's got the evidence that it probably isn't safe.

" He said I'm not responsible cuz I won't get a job to help support my son, and because I don't have a license or a car and because I wanted to take my son with me to meet a man I met online." ~~ I'm starting to like this ex of yours.

"He said since he has texts and voice mails of me and my bf talking about all this stuff then he has enough proof to show judge I'm not responsible as a mom." ~~ He's a really smart guy.

"he had to move back to where he originally lived last year which is almost 2 hours away. He lived there when the original court order was filed and for some reason the judge didn't think it was a major distance factor, so he still got overnight visits." ~~ Yes, he has a right to overnight visits. 2 hours is not a major distance. Wasn't he sensible to move to get a job if he couldn't get one where he was living.

"Am I going to be in trouble for any of this when we go to court?" ~~ Are you going to get in trouble? Well, the court case isn't about you, it's actually about what is in the best interests of the child. They won't get YOU into trouble, but they may decide that it isn't in the best interests of your son for you to have primary physical custody.

You may want to start looking at the choices you are making and make some changes if you truly care about your son and his future.

Guest - posted on 02/05/2015

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Are you kidding? I have to ask because some of the things you accusing the ex bf of being overly concerned about are pretty legit issues.

ONE. If he caught you with another man, he had every right to leave you--pregnant or not--and every right to ask for a DNA test. I really don't see why you have a problem with those actions.

TWO. You live in a home with a man convicted of felony domestic violence,batter, and criminal recklessness?!? The ex bf is correct in saying that this is NOT a safe home for the baby to live in.

THREE. Your current bf HIT you, and then called and tried to justify his reason for hitting you. There is absolutely no justifiable reason for a man to hit a woman. YOU might be okay with being beat up, slapped, or punched, but as a parent, you have to consider your child's safety, and living in a home with a man who thinks it is okay to hit people smaller or weaker than he is for ANY reason is not safe for a child. If your child pisses him off--and he will, trust me--your bf will probably feel pretty justified in beating your son.

FOUR. You wanted to take your son to meet a man you met online. That is COMPLETELY irresponsible. Do you know how many of these online/in person meetups end up in rape, murder, violent robbery, kidnapping, assault, etc.??? I'll give you a hint: A LOT. I'm not saying you should never meet someone you met online in person, but doing so IS dangerous, and if you chose to put yourself in that position, you need to take precautions to protect yourself, and bringing a baby with you only makes you even more vulnerable.

You don't have to get a job if you don't want one as long as you do have means to support your son--he can't really say anything bad about you choosing to be a stay at home mom unless you are on government assistance and not making any effort to support yourself and your child. You don't have to get a license or a car if you don't want to either, as long as you have regular transportation for you and your child to the places you need to be. I know people who never get their drivers licence and are perfectly content taking the train or bus or walking where ever they need to go. So in those two areas, you are pretty safe, but you probably need to take care of the living arrangements.....and promise the judge you'll never take your baby with you to meet a man for the first time again....

Sarah - posted on 02/05/2015

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It could. All depends on the judge. Both of you need to grow up and make better decisions. You have and continue to make poor decisions. It should not be about you and him it should be about what is best for your 19 month old. My suggestion is to start thinking about your son and not about you.

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