Kasey - posted on 11/09/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )
I've been in a relationship for nearly five years. I was 18 when I decided to start a family with some one I dated not nearly long enough. I thought I was very deeply in love with this person and eager to keep our relationship secure we decided to conceive a child. It's been a rollercoaster henceforth. My fiancé is controlling and emotionally abusive, and where as I played into this while vulnerable and young, now I'm just sick and frustrated by it.
He is a person who I love deeply and want desperately to change, but his insecurities are destroying my life. I feel like I would be more successful if I didn't have to waste so much time and energy on appeasing him and his outbursts. I mean, I know I would be.
I feel a sense of guilt that I will be leaving him to battle his own demons and even contributing to them by leaving him. He won't go to counseling and blames his behavior on a possible chemical imbalance in his brain. I tried to tell him that his behavior stems from his childhood where he didn't learn the correct way to cope with his problems, but he saw the comment as a dismissive remark and that I wasn't listening to him.
I am not the best with communication and everything that comes out of my mouth sounds sarcastic and snarky, even when I truly mean to be helpful and serious. I usually do not have problematic relationships with other people, and I often wonder if I am the abusive and crazy one. Over the five years I have realized I can't possibly be the deranged one, and if I am, then it's better we part.
I think I would be an excellent single mother, but I have zero support. I don't have an awesome relationship with my father, I don't want to be a burden on my brother, and my sister lives out of the area. I'm currently in school for my A&P license, and I don't want to have to leave school. I will have a part time job by the second week of December, but I won't have a baby sitter to watch my son when I work, and I know once I leave the relationship my fiancé will not babysit so I can survive without him, though I know he will want time with his son too. Does anyone have any experience with becoming a single mother and doing it mostly on your own?