wondering how to act..

Samantha - posted on 01/05/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have three sons..one child is by the man I am with..my 5 year old.. my man is 39 I am 28..he has a 22 year old son. .which DNA he Isn't his but he had raised him since day one.. the other day I came across a text message between him and his son. .they were having a disagreement but anyways ..he told his son that he would never chose me and my kids..one being his actual son over him.. how should i take this... also a comment was made about a month ago that his oldest son is number one everyone else is under him... including me..what should i say. ..how should i feel

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/05/2016

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You've explained yourself to him and he's explained himself to you. You really should stay out of his private conversations, you know...Its rude to pry uninvited, and one may not like what they find.

That being said, the young man is an adult. If he doesn't want you to be his 'step mom' (which you aren't...you're his father figures girlfriend who happens to have a child with the guy), then you need to respect that. Would it be nice if you could all get along? Yes, but it isn't a perfect world here.

I wouldn't expect much from your boyfriend, including marriage. He's already stated that you're not his top priority.

Raye - posted on 01/05/2016

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You are right to be upset. But, try to calmly talk to him about it. Maybe you caught the fragment of conversation out of context (although I can't think of any context where saying that would be okay). If he keeps that same stance, that his other "son" is more important than you and your child (his own blood), leave him. Then go to court to file for custody for your son and work out a visitation schedule for the father. If you haven't gotten court orders for custody of your other two kids, you should do that, too.

You and your children deserve to be higher priority in the life of your chosen partner. Don't settle for less than you deserve.

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Samantha - posted on 01/05/2016

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I told him that no one should be any different every child should be equal..

Samantha - posted on 01/05/2016

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Yes a DNA test was done. . And we are open with our phones.. he has been there to the child from day one.. they have more of a friendship than a father son relationship.. when I say something to him ..he says things like what do you want me to turn my back on my son... I dont say anything negative I just try to give advice and I tells me he has a momma he don't need one..but I always thought when u marry someone with a child that child becomes yours as well .in which we plan on getting married

Sarah - posted on 01/05/2016

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First, unless you have free access to his phone and text messages; you have to come clean. Why did you feel the need to look at his texts? I interpret your post to mean that he will side with his non-biological son above all others? Are you positive he is not the bio-dad of this first child? It seems odd that he'd side with a child he has no genetic tie to over his own bio kids and their mother. What he says to this "child" especially if he believes s it to be private, may be more of a reassurance to this child.
My advice? Talk to him, tell him the truth, you saw a text to the boy and you have questions about his relationship with this child. I find it very peculiar that he would feel this strong of a bond with a non-bio child.

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