Wondering if my ex will stop me from moving :(

Brittany Ann - posted on 09/27/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm going to reach out to all you moms out there. I was with my baby's father happily for a good while, once I became pregnant he became a different person. I chose to leave to lessen the stress of the entire situation. I hadnt seen him since I was 18 weeks pregnant, he never responded to emails updating him on my baby's growth. After she was born I called and emailed him. I got an email back that stated "This is my work email, It's not for personal use" Knowing for a fact that he does use this email to talk non work related things with others this struck me as a man who didnt care. That was his reply for me telling him our daughter had arrived and that she was gorgeous ...measurements...etc.. letting him know he could come see her .. Before I recieved his reply I did call him but didnt think he would answer. when he did we talked and he basically told me that he was too busy to see her and that he wants a paternity test ..if she is his he is gonna take her from me... I asked repeatedly what happened to you!? He was no longer the man I fell in love with :( Im not sure what happened .. Long story short after months and months of trying to include him he hasnt replied and hasnt asked about her and when others bring her up to him he says "Im doing things the legal way!" But to me it seems like he was waiting it out knowing public aide would do the test n everything for him with little out of pocket cost to him .. and sure enough she is 7 months tomorrow and we are finally getting ready to take the test ordered by the state of Indiana..He got married when she was three weeks old to an older woman he knew for less then a month and moved out of his place into her nice home... Im assuming that since this woman has now been married six times that she must be a "sugar mama" ..and is a way for him to look more stable.. Anyways long story short I'm happily engaged to my best friend of 16 years..he is in the army and we will be moving to georgia where he is stationed ..will this man who has moved on be able to put a hold on our lives :( .. I plan on finishing my schooling on base for social work.. My baby is everything to me and I want to show her that you can come out of deep struggles and find love and happiness and that if you fight for those you love that you will find out that things do get better.. After trying and trying to let him see her I fear now that he will have to pay support that he will be a jerk and try to stop me from living our lives .. I dont want nor need support from him I have cared for her for 7 months without help..just have the medical card on her since I cant afford insurance .. I feel that he will try to take her (which I'm not worried about, WONT HAPPEN) but when he realizes he cant I think since he most likely will know that I'm moving that he will try and pull the she cant leave state with my child.. even tho we live in two different states.. I am prepared to prove that my baby girl is better off with me and my soon to be husband .. as for her "father" it breaks my heart to see that he will step up just becuz support will be ordered if he didnt ever have to pay for her he wouldnt have ever tried to see her :( so upset to have mine and my kids happieness in jeopardy over someone who has already moved on with his life! Any advice would be greatly appreciated..

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Brittany Ann - posted on 09/27/2012

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Thanks so much DeAnn for replying to my post! I hope he does sign his rights over. My plans are set in stone just hope the judge sees that my baby girl is better off without him in her life. My fiance doesnt have children and is ready and willing to care for my baby and my other two children and myself. He has given me the choice to stay home with my angels or to work or go to school.. I am choosing school!! I want to make my angels proud of me and help people I plan on being a social worker! I want to be there for children they are to precious to face some things alone in this world! Plus I want to contribute to our life :) Im so proud to know I will soon be married to the greatest guy I've ever met! He will be home from over seas in Dec. and we will be married :) He is amazing and is gonna make sure that my kiddos see me and their father! He knows how much my kids mean to me and seeing him care so much only makes me love him more! I just hope and pray that the judge sees that her "father" will only be interested in her if he has to pay otherwise he wouldnt bother! which is very sad becuz Im pretty sure she is the sweetest thing ever .. Well better head to bed ..you've helped ease my mind a bit ..I was just so upset after talking to a mutual friend of ours.. he had me worried that her "father" would keep me from leaving just to do it :(

DeAnn - posted on 09/27/2012

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First off, make sure you have not deleted anything, and keep records of when he said the things he's said.



Second, in most states, if you are not married, it doesn't matter where you are it's his responsibility to pay support and he can't stop you from moving elsewhere if that's in the best interest of the child.



If he demanded a paternity test, most states mandate he pays for it. It will give you the ability to collect child support arrears from the moment she was born until now.



His wife's income has no bearing on his ability to provide support or be a father. Only his income will be considered.



Just keep with your plans. Hopefully, he will see that it's cheaper in the long run to let your future husband adopt, as was my case. My husband adopted our son, which effectively ended child support from the biological father, who hardly made an attempt to see him, and when he did, he tried to take him across state lines to keep him from me. My family is awesome and was able to rescue my baby from a total jerk of a "father."



Best of luck to you.

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