Working at Home Mom with a Stay at Home Dad - Intense Daddy Preference

Kara - posted on 07/18/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




Hi all,

This is my first time posting on this community board!

I have a 14 month old son. My father has been sick so we recently made the decision to move back across the country to be closer to my family (Washington state to Maine.) I can work remotely so we made the decision for my husband (who cannot work remotely) to stay home with our son while I work from home. I have to admit that since my son has been born it has been very tough to leave him for work. It broke my heart every time I had to drop him off at the nanny share. However, now that we are all home together all day it is almost tougher! My son has also always been a daddy's boy, and over the past few months he has started to show his preference for his dad very strongly (his daddy is pretty amazing so I don't blame him!:) Now that he is home with my husband their bond has become so strong that I feel entirely left out and useless. He cries whenever daddy leaves the room, he needs daddy to hold him all the time, he only wants daddy when he is sick. It is literally tearing my heart out and I don't know what to do because it feels like I am getting rejected 24/7. I am so happy that they have such a great bond, but it is to the point now where I feel like I barely have any connection with my little guy anymore and am always the third wheel. I am thinking that I should find a co-working space, but then will have even less time with my son. Anyway, has anyone else experienced anything similar? I just wish he wouldn't cry every time I try to take him from Daddy or when Daddy leaves. I know I am a good Mom, but I still keep asking myself, what have I done wrong? Is it a confusing message to my son to be home but not to be able to engage and play with him?

Anyone else gone through this r have any thoughts? Thanks in advance for reading this long post!


View replies by

Therese - posted on 07/18/2016




Children can be quite moody and often they test "the waters" to see how far they can venture. When your husband has to leave and he cries, still take him. Children are extremely resilient, he'll understand and adapt accordingly.

Your son may simply be going through a phase where he has a stronger bond with his Dad. It may change as he gets older or it may not. But it's important that you know who you are and that you raise him in love.

Try not to let your feelings overwhelm you; Remember your son feeds off of your emotions without you even realizing this.

You're his Mum. You will never be a third wheel. I can promise you this.

Dove - posted on 07/18/2016




It is quite normal for a young child to have a preferred parent. He may always have a stronger preference for his dad... or it may go back and forth between the two of you throughout the years. Try not to take it personally, but go ahead and keep doing things w/ him and having Daddy leave on occasion even if he cries about it. He'll get used to it and realize that Mommy can do things w/ and for him just like Daddy can.

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