Working single mom

Leigha - posted on 12/30/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




I was a single working mom for 12 years before my son wanted to try living
With dad. Mind you dad wasn't around a lot until he got re- married. I
Wish we could get along but the new step mom doesn't have kids o her own
And wants to take over mine. I finally found a great man and we've been together 2 years and just now a month ago after years of my daughter hating to go to dad's went to live their too. Now I only get to see them 4 days a month and their dad makes me work around their schedule and their step mom seems to have taken my spot. I'm trying so hard to deal with it but my heart is broken. I worked for a long time with not a lot of help from him and now he seems to be the hero and mom is left in the dust. My kids are 15 and 16.


View replies by

Ev - posted on 12/31/2015




I have to agree with Shawnn. But I have been there for 13 years. It is over now that the youngest is done with school and 18 almost 19 years old. I do believe I understand how frustrating it is with step moms and such. My kids have had two of those. This current one has been in the picture for 9 years. She thought she knew my kids well, tried to make decisions which were my ex's and mine to make, tried to tell us how to do visitations and so on. She tried a lot of other things but I put my foot down on those. Homeschooling for example with my oldest which in my state only a guardian or parent can do not a step parent or other relative just because. She also has grumbled about their graduations, the eldest's wedding, and other things. It all had to be centered around her. But I just dealt with it and moved on. Its not easy but it is doable. As for the kids ages, there is nothing wrong with them wanting to stay at dad's. If you were to go to court, in most states at this age they can tell the judge whom they would want to live with and the judge would most likely grant it. Just hang in there. Do the best you can and if the kids thing the grass is greener over there, it might not be as good as they think after a time. Right now dad is great because he just is and maybe they do really like step mom. It has nothing to do with how they feel about you.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/30/2015




I understand your frustration, but your kids have the right to both parents. It is not that you are 'being made to work around the kids' schedule', because you already did that when they lived with you. Its also not that the step is taking your place.

You still see them the majority of the week (4 of 7 days).

Perhaps dad didn't know how to be around before he remarried and his spouse helped him learn how. Perhaps she would like to be fully involved with her husband's family, rather than relegated to 'evil step mother' (I know I'd have appreciated my husband's ex being more mature than she was ready to and allowing my SD to benefit fully from knowing her father, brothers and I). Perhaps, just perhaps, the kids were ready for the change.

For now, you can continue to move forward as a co parent. Work on your anger towards your ex. Find some hobbies to keep you occupied in the off times, and maybe a counselor to help you work through this new stage.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms