Worried OilField Wife

Robyn - posted on 10/24/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My husband has been working offshore and land jobs for over 3 years now and has no set schedule. So, he comes home and we never know when he will get called to go back out again! Well, at the end of September, I found out courtesy of iCloud that he has been talking to a woman via text and fb messenger :( I called and asked him about it nicely and he got offended and said nothing happened, she is just a really nice person and that's that! Wel every time I think of her name and what I read (beginning was inappropriate but then it got civil) I want to vomit! It's been 1 week since this happened and I can now breathe a little better but still upset because he said he won't stop talking to her. She lives far away from us and he loves me with all of his heart. But the question is, why does he not see this as wrong, and that he is in an emotional relationship with a woman. He doesn't need her, I'm always here and I thought what we had for the past 12 years of being married was going so well! He said it's nice to talk to someone and go out (yes, he took her on 2 dates and they went bar hopping a few times) without someone being worrie the whole and she just let's loose! Hello, I'm here with our children whom one has had a stage 4 cancer and maintain this household like a boss and j have a full time job! Thanks for killing my heart! Should I be ok with him talking to this other woman, or are my feelings correct in thinking that this just isn't right? :(

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Brittanie - posted on 10/26/2015

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I recently went through something similar though not as serious in my opinion. I caught my husband texting a young lady from a different shift at his work. The texts were very flirty and inappropriate for a married man to be sending/receiving. We had a major fight about it. At first he didn't understand that it was cheating because he had an emotional relationship with this girl. After I explained my feelings fully he began to understand and he felt like garbage because he knows what it is like to be cheated on. He immediately put a stop to everything though as soon as I found out, even though he didn't fully understand the full impact of what he did until later. He blocked her number on his phone, he blocked her on all social media, and he even spoke with HR at work about making sure the two of them kept a distance between each other. It doesn't matter if your husband likes to hang out with this woman, if you are uncomfortable with it then he should be willing to stop hanging out with her. How would he feel if you were taking men out of dates? Your husband has no right taking another woman out on a date when you two are married, that is absolutely unacceptable. I think you should talk with him again. Make sure to tell him how you feel about him seeing this woman. You need to decide before you talk to him though if you are willing to tolerate this behavior. I was not, I told him that if this sort of thing ever happens again that I will leave and he will have lost his wife and his family and he will have to know that it was his own fault and he will have to explain to our son one day that the reason mommy and daddy aren't together is because of him. When my husband went outside of our marriage emotionally it was because I wasn't giving him everything he needed, I didn't even realize this until after everything happened because we didn't know how to talk about it. I didn't know what questions to ask and he was afraid to look weak or to upset me by telling me he wasn't happy. You have to be able to talk openly about your feelings and needs. If you can't do that you may want to think about seeing a therapist.

Michelle - posted on 10/24/2015

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No one can tell you how you should be feeling, it's a very individual thing.
If it were me, I would be filing for divorce or letting him know that he needs to stop working away. I wouldn't put up with it but I was cheated on by my 1st husband so won't put up with it at all.
You need to have a good think about what you want from your relationship. It sounds like you're pretty much a single Mum anyway so what would the difference be if you separated?

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Lisa - posted on 06/23/2017

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I agree with you Michelle if you girls are young and you don't put a stop to it from the beginning you'll end up like me be smart you all have so much worth and believe me you won't starve he'll pay child support and alimony just don't waste your lives you all are worthy of a good life with a good husband

Lisa - posted on 06/23/2017

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No you4 intuition is 4ight. I'm 45 and I know what goes on out ther3. Married 13 years we have no children together however talking on the phone he's very degrading disrespectful and it's a manipulative relationship I can't prove anything the stick to your intuition a woman's intuition is seldom wrong if they're talking to another female it's not just a friendly conversation texting and online chats lead to more than. My husband calls me right before tracking and shows up and then I'm talking to him and he's breathing heavy and acting all funny and like trying to make me jealous and it's very juvenal however it works he drives me completely insane he's not the same person when he's over there I won't divorce him I won't quit a marriage I just want him to quit the job and come back home he keeps telling me to try to find him a job at home but he's never here to interview so it's like I'm spinning my wheels. I feel bad for you young mothers that have children better sort of Trapped in the relationship I'm not trapped I choose to stay but it still doesn't help my self-esteem or make me feel any better and to this day I still can't prove anything I almost got it away from him two and a half years ago I had an affair I left him I was almost completely moved out of our house when I picked him up at his mother's and he was sobbing like a two year old I thought for sure that he truly did love me things have reverted back to the way they used to be I regret being sucked back in I was a businesswoman with a home I've resorted to no job we sold everything and bought an RV I tried to live over there with him where he works it was a nightmare all's I want to do is sell this RV go back to work and buy a small condo and when he comes home he comes home and I'm only 45 years old my kids are grown 18 + I'm always by myself and anytime I have an emotional meltdown he calls me and pussy if a Man Loves a Woman he doesn't treat her that way remember that ladies if you're in abusive relationship get out while you're young you can always find that wonderful man don't wait till you're my age and you feel trapped good luck ladies have a nice weekend

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