Would a good mother see their child homeless to help him?
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Melissa - posted on 08/22/2013
I have the exact same problem with my 18 year old son Cath I can 100% relate it makes me sick to think he is on the street but he will not obey any rules, lies and does drugs. We told him the last time he came home which was only for 24 hours that unless he joined the military or peace core and was drug free he had to leave. it was the hardest choice I have ever made but he refuses to help himself. He will not work a full time job because he wants to play what little money he did have is gone and I will let him come shower and feed him but I cant have him living in our home. I was also told that he is an adult and I should let him do what he wants! I am ridiculous and my rules are stupid! He is so stubborn he would rather be homeless than be with us it is so sad. I struggle daily worrying.
Robin - posted on 10/05/2009
I know its hard as a parent to see your kids suffer, but I was on the recieving end of "tough love" and you know what Im much better off for it now,
I really think it depends on the situation, if its a one time thing or something at least somewhat out of their control, OR AT LEAST TRYING to recover from something or get out of a bad situation OK fine, BUT there has to be rules, such as needing to find a job and be working and saving for their own place not blowing money on what ever (no need to pay me rent as long as they are working toward getting on their feet)
But if they have a continued prob, or they are continuing the behavior that got them in the situation, they need to figure it out on their own, and FIND PROFFESIONAL HELP, for what ever the issue is. If you do let the child stay while exhibiting these behaviors its called enabling!
I had gone through MANY programs and even a year long one, and still had probs, I am fine now BUT I HAD TO DO THE WORK! and I still LOVE my parents! Your child may "feel" like they hate you now, but will love and respect you later, when they are not caught up in what ever it is they are doing.
Good luck and God bless
Cath - posted on 08/13/2013
Please help. I've been searching the responses to this and still don't know if I'm doing the right thing. My son decided to leave home when he was 18 as I wasn't letting hin 'live his life', when all I asked was for him to get a job and have some respect (IE by letting me know where he was, if he would be home, and to home at a reasonable 10pm Sun - Thurs PM as I have to get up for work at 4.30am).
So, he left. He landed up sleeping on mates sofas, and when he got kicked out for not paying any rent, he came home for the weekend. On the Monday, I took him to the Homeless place in the city, and this weekend, found out he has lied about being in hostels and the like - he hasn't even claimed JSA.
I've put some conditions on him being back, but it's day 2, and he's already lied to me about finding a course, and even signing on.
My head says to kick him out but I don't know if I can cope with him being on the streets.
Anyone got any ideas?
Lyndsay - posted on 10/05/2009
I think it depends on the situation. If your child is heavily into drugs, for example, and you've offered them everything to try to turn their life around and they continue to fuck you over... then yes, I think so. In some cases I think that people need to reach rock bottom before they begin to see the need to climb upwards instead of down. Also, if you are continually being taken advantage of, you need to stand up for yourself.
Billie Jo - posted on 10/05/2009
I have a 24 year old that has been in prison for almost 2 years now. I did kick him out of the house at the age of 15, due to drug use. He came home now and then but it never seemed to work out. He started out addicted to pain meds. which turned into a full blown herion habit. God interviened and saved my son. He placed him in prison to clean him up. We have a long road ahead, but both my husband and I are both saved and followers of Jesus Christ. To ask such a question makes me believe that you too must be having trouble at home. Weigh your options first. Once he or she is out on the street, there are things out there just waiting to take control of them. My prayers are with you in your time of need. God Bless You
This conversation has been closed to further comments
Olivia - posted on 10/05/2009
Yes...When your child is of legal age and out of school. Letting your child of 19 years old just hang out at home when mom is working 2 jobs....there's something wrong with this pic. Go to school or get a job or how about both.Mom wont be around forever.Welcome to the real world.
Sheila - posted on 10/05/2009
U have to cut the apron strings, let him or her get their feet wet!!! if they come back except them with loving & open arms that's what i did,& it worked out fine, he's still here but he is out everyday looking for a job. it's always one that comes back !!!!!!!
Kiera - posted on 10/05/2009
I feel its important to be there for them but that tough love can go a long way! I know myself being a teenager not that long ago the best thing for me was to get out on my own and learn the hard way! Looking back now I would've preferred that tough love and discipline growing up rather than having to find out my own way but either way it worked!
Iysha - posted on 10/05/2009
I was almost homeless. I had a great job, and so did my boyfriend but around the time I got pregnant, My boyfriend was laid off and one income just wasn't enough. It didn't help that we live in one of the most expensive counties in California with the lowest minimum wage:cost of living ratio. My mother and father offered to help us out and we are living with them now until we get back on our feet.
Our family believes that when a family member is in need, you help them in any way possible. If a person is doing drugs, we find a positive way of helping them, if they are having problems with the law, we help them in a positive way. I know that no matter what happens, my family is there. Any bad choices I make, they will be there to help me out of it and help me learn from it.
I would never let my daughter become homeless because I don't think that solves anything. No matter what situation my daughter gets herself into in her life, as long as I am alive and able I will find a way to help her out.
I don't know what it is that the person in question needs help with, but I know that there is a way to help someone with anything without practicing "tough love." If the person is an addict/theif there is even more reason to have them stay. Get them to see a shrink, don't just kick them out. The worse off a person is, the more likely that person is going to convert to doing bad things. Why else would you think that high crime areas are also the areas with the most poverty?
Teresa - posted on 10/05/2009
That is a tough one I must say.
My mother put me out to be on the streets all because I am dating a blk man. There has never been any drugs or anything in my life. She just dont like the fact I am with a blk man and not a white man. So if you are putting you child on the streetsd for something stupid like that, then I say there is something wrong with you. However if it is for other reasons like, Sharon Grey said, Then heck yeah!!!
Sharon - posted on 10/05/2009
Thats a tough one hun.
I surely wouldn't be happy to have my child wind up homeless. But if he were truant, thieving, drugging, dealing - yeah my child would be out on the streets.
If I had the money I would pay for an apartment and buy groceries but there is no way they would be under my roof (in the case of being a drug addict)
The rest of it, I taught my child better - if they're ignoring that teaching then they have to find a way to cope themselves. When they decide to better themselves they will find a way to help themselves.
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