Would like to keep relationship with 26 yr.old daughter but how ?

Kim - posted on 05/07/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a daughter who is 26 yrs. old & married with a 4yr. old son... My daughter does not like her husband , they have been married for 4 yrs. the problem I am having with her is that she is having relationships with men on the internet ,,there is one in texas & one in ohio & probabky more ...I personally dont agree with this,,I have told her to leave her husband if she is that unhappy..i think when she spends time with me she is texting those men.& I dont like feeling used. I would like a relationship with her ,but I really dont approve of what she is doing . If anyone can give me some options or opinions ,,Please do ...

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Kim - posted on 05/07/2013

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Hi ,,, I understand what you are saying ,,, but my daughter is a little different,, she was going to move to texas until the guy broke it off , because he wanted to work on his marriage... she only has male friends & her step-sister . She tries to go out on fri. nights with her step mother to bars when she can . Her husband really loves her & wants to have a family with her. ,,,not that he is perfect of course.He has found messages from guys asking her when she will be naked .... & also has found anude picture of her on her tablet ... I have suggested counseling...& have made the suggestion of leaving him.

Angela - posted on 05/07/2013

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I'm going to play devil's advocate here. I was in an unhappy marriage when I was your daughter's age. I was NOT unfaithful to my husband at all and I was NOT looking for a relationship with any other man. I daresay your daughter isn't looking for a relationship either. She just wants a friend or two. She probably has female friends as well that are there to listen to her and communicate with her.

I had mostly female friends - and I also had a few male friends. All of them were people to confide in or - in some cases - people to listen to me and share quality time that I wasn't getting from my husband. We just chatted about ordinary things - never sex or romance. My husband never even wanted a conversation with me. He made it plain that he didn't enjoy my company. My friends, both male and female, used to visit me at home. My husband was nearly always home when they came round. Sometimes he used to ask people to leave. He did this to my female friends just as much as my male friends.

I also visited my friends at their homes. This was the sum total of my social life. I did not go for nights out, I did not do alcohol or drugs. I didn't have much money to spend - we were pretty poor. I was simply starved of adult company with my husband so I needed the company of other adults.

The highlights of my life when not in the company of the various friends I'd made were going to Church and visiting the local library. Oh yes - and watching TV. My husband was a TV engineer and if he wanted to "punish" me in any way he would adjust the TV in some way so it didn't work. This was a punishment for the children as well. Did I tell you that he took very little interest in his children?

Don't be too quick to judge your daughter. Encourage her to talk to you about what she wants out of life and where she feels her marriage is going.

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