Would you allow your 9 year old to change her appearance because of bullying comments at school?

Ioanna - posted on 04/16/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My 9 year old has a classmate that will pick on her constantly. She has managed to brush off most things and realized this other child is the one with the problem, but when the bully rallied other classmates to take note of my daughters facial hair, particularly her eyebrows which very faintly have signs of a unibrow, my daughter has now focused on this characteristic and her self worth has plummeted.

This is a hard situation for me, as I tweeze to maintain my brows.
I also had a mother that told me NO to shaving, tweezing, perming, colouring, make-up or anything unnatural growing up, which led to a ton of bullying in my teen years. I actually felt that I had to hide from my mom when I started shaving behind her back. That is the last thing I want my daughter to go through.
However if I encourage any kind of beauty changes based on bullying, am I saying the bully is right. This situation has really affected her self worth.

I just really need a sounding board. Has anyone been through this? Please help.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/16/2014

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I agree with you 100%. It should not be about that. Nor should she want to change her appearance because someone made fun of her. But think back to when you were her age getting bullied. I am sure all you wanted was more self esteem and your mother to help. Not to say you are not, but just driving that point home.

Ioanna - posted on 04/16/2014

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Thanks Little Miss... We have addressed this with the school. They've dealt with the girl.
And I've told her that I will help her do maintenance when she's ready. But my concern is that she doesn't really want to because it hurts, she's asked about it, but then said no, but it is consuming her inside thinking that she is worth less now that she is aware of the extra hair. Before this incident, she never looked at herself looking for flaws. Now she worries that everyone is judging her. I don't want to perpetuate the idea that beauty = self worth.
It's not about when should she shave or tweeze, but how do you let you child know that their appearance doesn't change who they are or make people like them more. Or at least it shouldn't be that way.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/16/2014

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I don't ever think bullying is ok. But, if your daughter is seeing this as something she wants to change, why not let her pluck? I think I started shaving around 9-10 years old.

About the bullying, this needs to be addressed asap. Bring it up to the principal and get it rectified immediately.

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