Robin - posted on 08/28/2011 ( 27 moms have responded )
My DS15 reported to his psychiatrist the first week of August that his bio-dad has been losing his temper and smacking him in the head. After that appointment, I informed my ex that I would not be sending the kids back the following week. (We have 50/50 shared custody, 1 week here and 1 week there). I realize that not sending them back constitutes contempt of court. However, sending them back is tantamount to child endangerment.
Sadly, my DS15 has been so caught up in the cycle of abuse, that he's defended his BD's actions, stating "Yeah, he hits me, but it's for a purpose. It's because I'm bad, and he's trying to teach me not to be.". If anyone is familiar w/the cycle, the completion stage is when the abuser buys things or spoils the victim because of their own guilt for their actions. My son is missing the spoils he used to get from his BD afterward, and it would appear that he's willing to take a beating to get them.
I'm still in contact with his father, and have been trying to get him to seek help for his anger issues, however he's not done so at this point. He has promised my DS15 "I'll never lay another hand on you in anger.". However, my concern was that it was followed up with "But do you understand why I did it? You need to listen to me when I tell you to do something!".
Ok, to me, that shows that he's still placing blame outside of himself, rather than accepting personal accountability for his actions. So what happens when (not if, but when), my DS15 acts out again? He is a 15 yr old ADHD/LD child, that is difficult to handle at times, which I completely understand. So the likelihood that he's going to act out again, is VERY likely. However, his BD's bent toward blaming my DS for his own actions, is indicative to me that it'll continue unless he gets help.
So...given this info, how would y'all handle this?