Wrong to ask 18 daughter in College to text me nightly?

Karen - posted on 04/30/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have a daughter finishing her 1st year in College that just turned 18, she graduated high school. a year early. She does not have a designated parking space at her dorm and sometimes when coming back to campus at night has to walk quite a long way to her dorm alone from where she has to park.
My husband and I pay for everything, tuition,car,insurance,gas,food,phone,you name it everything plus running around money. All we ask of her is to let us know via text or call each night when she is back on campus for the night so we don't worry. She turned 18 3 weeks ago and now says she thinks she is a little old to have to check in each night. We do not expect a call or a conservation of any kind, just a 2 or 3 word quick text saying on campus would be fine. We do not invade her privacy in any other way. I find this not too much to ask from her and see it as disrespectful that she can't give us this 2-3 second text to make sure she is safe and ease our worries.
I would love to hear your thoughts as to whether maybe I am the one in the wrong and am wrong in asking her to let us know she is back on campus safely each night? Maybe I am in the wrong and just don't realize it???? Would love your input.

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Sarah - posted on 04/30/2016

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Geez, do you want to adopt me and my kids too? Even though she is 18, you are footing the bill for he whole life (and a very expensive life). It would be considerate for her to just text "I am home safe", and i think it is reasonable for you to want her to comply.
I am shocked there is no app and you can load onto your phone that you can just tap it and it sends a pre-written message to a designated person.

Sarah - posted on 04/30/2016

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Why did you by a $200,000 house for her?! She is 18 yrs not 25 yrs. Are there not dorms at her college? I would not be buying an 18yr old a $200,000 house. For one she is 18 and just figuring out who she is. Two, who knows if she will want to continue at that college next year. Three she is 18 and a college student with a house that is asking for troubles. Four part of having your first house is working hard for it and feeling good about your accomplishment......you just took that from her! Five if you have to have her check in with you nightly then you both are not ready for her to have her own house. Part of grouping up is that separation between parent and child. This is the time that she gets to make her own rules, her own choices, her own mistakes. She can't do that if she has to check in with you nightly.

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Michelle - posted on 04/30/2016

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I can see both sides and agree with both.
What surprises me is you buying her a house!!! Far out, she's 18 and you are paying for everything.
What is that teaching her about life? That you will always be there with money and she doesn't have to do anything for herself, that's what.
I think you need to step back and start to let her support herself. Make her get a job to pay for "running around" money. Even her food and bills. It;s not helping her in the long run if you keep paying for everything and don't make her step up to her responsibilities. She's an adult now and should be treated like one.

Dove - posted on 04/30/2016

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Wow... a house of her own at 18? Yeah... if I had parents that did that I'd be thanking them via text multiple times/day... Sounds like she may be a tad overindulged and not quite realize the magnitude of how lucky she has it. Perhaps if she wants to be on her own and do her own thing w/out letting you know she is safe you can let her know that she can pay for her own off campus housing or you will pay for her to be in the dorm and you can sell the house you bought her.

Karen - posted on 04/30/2016

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I agree, I do see both sides and remember what it is like to be 18. I guess I just kind of see it as not a huge thing to ask of her. Just sort of feel a little disrespected as we ask for nothing else of her and as I said above we pay for everything and just bought her a $200,000.00 house close to her College. Guess I feel a bit unappreciated too, to be honest. Maybe I should start thinking more about how she feels. I do appreciate your reply and advice.

Dove - posted on 04/30/2016

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I fully understand your side... and hers. I don't think you are wrong to want to know she is safe, but I don't think she is wrong to not want to have to check in w/ mommy and daddy every night when she is 18 either.

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