MOST HELPFUL POSTS
~â¥Little Miss - posted on 03/26/2015
Well first off " We always give him the best advice" This is YOUR opinion. It may actually not be the best advice for him. Maybe he no longer needs your advice, and just needs to talk. You not liking the girlfriend, and making that known to them both, will just make them closer with a common enemy, which will be you.
Who cares if she is reading that book? It doesn't necessarily mean something is lacking in their sex life. It is a very popular book and maybe she was curious. Whatever reason she is reading it is her business.
I would back off with the "advice".
This conversation has been closed to further comments
Jodi - posted on 03/26/2015
Wow, so your first thought when you son wanted to give up school was to assume his girlfriend was pregnant AND actually voice that? You didn't think to ask him why? Your first thought about him reading 50 Shades of Gray was that his girlfriend must think he is inadequate?
You seriously keep bringing up that he doesn't call you and has distanced you, and yet won't listen to why, you just get angry at him? Are you not listening to yourself? I'd stop calling you too, if you were my mother. You are completely out of line.
â« Shawnn âªâ«â« - posted on 03/26/2015
Well. You did it.
You treated your son as if he was incapable of being a quality partner ("maybe she thinks you need to read it"), you assume that he and girlfriend are pregnant because school doesn't interest him, you don't want him to be open with his girlfriend, and are upset when he is...He's fed up with you thinking that he, as an adult, cannot make proper decisions.
Apologize for being overbearing, and accept that you may have alienated him to the point that he wants to keep a distance from you.
Raye - posted on 03/26/2015
So, what do you really think about your son? From his point of view, you feel he's not able to satisfy his girlfriend in the bedroom, and he's irresponsible and making poor decisions in his life. You're making him feel like less of a man. While it may be true about the poor decisions (if he wants to give up school), he's probably expecting a little more encouragement from his mother. You should be able to tell your son something in confidence and not have him repeat it to his girlfriend (do you specify that what you say is in confidence?). But, if this is a serious girlfriend, he should be sharing his feelings with her and that would include things you said that have upset him. You're obviously not going to take up for your son, then maybe it's good he's found a woman who will take up for him by writing you a letter expressing her displeasure of your actions.
A little bit of playful sarcasm is one thing, and maybe that's how you meant those comments and it just didn't read that way over text to him. But doing it on a continued basis shows that it may be your true feelings about your son. Have you really tried getting to know his girlfriend? You said you don't like her, but why is that? Does she mistreat him? Or you only don't like her because she stands up for herself and your son? Just because you've chosen not to like her doesn't mean he's made the wrong choice, and it doesn't give you a right to put her or him down all the time for his decision to make her part of his life.
You say you feel can't be yourself with him, but think about who that person is and why he would want to be around someone that is disparaging to him. And you're too old to change? That's your choice, but if you want a relationship with your son, maybe you need to give up a little of that selfish pride, and be a more understanding mother.
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