"You're not allowed to play with them."

Rachel - posted on 09/13/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

18

40

0

I am a stay-at-home mom, and my two-year-old son is always within 5 feet of me. We moved into our new house about 2 months ago. Two little boys, 3 and 4, live a few houses down. They are very behind both developmentally, and hehaviorally. They wander the neighborhood - once while doing yardwork, they wandered into my yard and ran in and out of our house. The dad finally noticed about 10 minutes later, came over, and said "It's ok that they're over here, right?" My husband and I don't want our son to play with the boys because 1. we're really uncomfortable with them being on our property without their parents knowing, 2. I don't want this to turn into an unwanted, unpaid babysitting position and 3. our son picks up bad habits just from seeing them in the neighborhood. The parents are incapable of keeping the boys in their yard, so my son inevitably sees them frequently, and wants to play with them. How do I tell him he can't? Or am I being too judgemental? The parents know to control their kids, so my issue is what to tell my 2 year old.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

~Jennifer - posted on 09/14/2009

4,164

61

369

Quoting Rachel:

I have already considered calling CPS. I am very worried about the boys. The first time we met them, I couldn't believe they were 3 and 4, and unable to speak! We don't live in a subdivision, we live on a fairly busy street near downtown in a historical district with ancient houses. Everyone is always doing a renovation of some sort, and it's pretty dangerous! I can't grasp their parent's mentality - my heart drops if my son isn't in my immediate sight! I guess their only consolation is nothing has happened so far. I'm definitely not worried if the parents know we notified someone; we've made it pretty clear we don't like them, haha! Most of the neighborhood has confronted them at some point. And it's not the annoying boys who bother me the most - it's the parents!! My heart breaks for the little boys. I guess I'm assuming the situation won't change anytime soon, so what is in my power to keep my son out of it? I've experienced CPS and other agencies failing to act on irresponsible parties - and from what we've heard, it's been going on quite awhile. I will consider notifying someone further, but I'm definitely not holding my breath.



It's hard for me to say this, because I also have a 4 year old with very limited communicaton, so, my heart breaks for these 2 boys  who are (it seems to me) obviously looking for some kind of normal 'family' interaction, or someone to pay attention to them.



 



That being said, if CPS won't do anything, call the police the next time you see them out and unsupervised.  The police will more than likely call CPS themselves, and once a police report is written, CPS has to do a follow up.  Don't just call once, call every time.   If it's a 'small town' thing, where the cops 'know' the family in question, Call the State Police, call the Sherriff, Constable or County - whichever department is outside of town.   It sounds like the kids do need you for one thing - to care enough about their welfare to let the authorities know that this is going on.  If they're that far behind developmentally, and the parents are that uninvolved, then these kids need to be placed with a family that will get them the help that they need to grow and learn.



Good luck.



=)



 

This conversation has been closed to further comments

13 Comments

View replies by

Samantha - posted on 01/28/2012

120

0

2

If it was a time when both parents were home, one parent stay with your child, one parent take those kids hands and physically take them back to the house, knock on the front door and inform them that their children are running around unsupervised and it is unsafe, as well as trespassing on your private property. Check up on your state law, many states have rules about leaving children under 12 unsupervised. Many states also have a "castle" law that forbids trespassing on your private property. Tell them to start enforcing rules on their kids like any decent parents or you will call the police to enforce rules.

Carly - posted on 09/17/2009

223

8

37

We have told our daughter that some parents have different rules from us and as parents it is our are job to pick the rules we think our best. Our neighbourhood always has little kids running around with no parents grrr. It is hard because as responsible parents who watch our kids they think we are horrible because they just want to play with the other kids.

[deleted account]

It might take something drastic like putting a small fence round the yard. Don't start watching these kids or you will turn into an unpaid baby sitter. A friend of mine fell into this trap a few yers ago. It got so out of hand that she was actually feeding these kids every meal of the day at one point.

Leah - posted on 09/14/2009

34

19

4

u have every right to decide who ur son plays with. i'm not so sure what to say to him. i would try distracting him with a fun activity when he wants to play with him and maybe trying to find him another friend who lives nearby that u do approve of. other than that though maybe try to explain to him why u dont want him to play with them( explain their unsafe habits,walking around the neighborhood unsupervised, and tell ur son u don't want him to pick up these habits from them)chances r he will understand more than u might think he would. as far as the parents go tell them u would appreciate if they would only let their children come over for a preplanned play date.

Rachel - posted on 09/14/2009

18

40

0

We weren't home today, but I'll be outside tomorrow. If/when the boys wander over, I'll confront the parents again. I'll contact someone if it continues. I don't want to go as far as to have the family split up - to be fair, they aren't criminal. They're unattentive, self-absorbed, and not nurturing, but not monsters. Again, we've only been here two months, so I don't really have the full scope yet. Obviously, if the boys are in immediate danger, I'll take more steps to have the situation looked into. Thanks for your insight everyone - I feel better that I know I'm not over-reacting! I've seen things that some parents think are normal, and I wonder what planet I'm from!!!

Rachel - posted on 09/14/2009

18

40

0

I have already considered calling CPS. I am very worried about the boys. The first time we met them, I couldn't believe they were 3 and 4, and unable to speak! We don't live in a subdivision, we live on a fairly busy street near downtown in a historical district with ancient houses. Everyone is always doing a renovation of some sort, and it's pretty dangerous! I can't grasp their parent's mentality - my heart drops if my son isn't in my immediate sight! I guess their only consolation is nothing has happened so far. I'm definitely not worried if the parents know we notified someone; we've made it pretty clear we don't like them, haha! Most of the neighborhood has confronted them at some point. And it's not the annoying boys who bother me the most - it's the parents!! My heart breaks for the little boys. I guess I'm assuming the situation won't change anytime soon, so what is in my power to keep my son out of it? I've experienced CPS and other agencies failing to act on irresponsible parties - and from what we've heard, it's been going on quite awhile. I will consider notifying someone further, but I'm definitely not holding my breath.

Lacey - posted on 09/14/2009

10

21

1

To be quite honest, its ounds like their parents are very irresponsible. I think in the best interest of the children I would call Child Protective Services. Just because you live in a subdivision doesn't mean that they can not get run over, kidnapped, or get lost. If they were 6 or 7 I could see them maybe going 2 houses down but their parents should atleast know it and make sure its ok with you. Honestly ask yourself this, if those 2 little boys (aggravating as they may be) were to get hit by a car or kidnapped by some pedophile would you ever be able to forgive yourself. Think about how hard it is in an SUV or truck to see a 3 or 4 year old if they are behind it or infront of it. As for keeping them away from your son, if you call CPS, chances are you will not have to worry about their parents allowing them over anymore anyway. Either they will keep a closer eye on them or suspect you called on them and want their kids to stay away from you! LOL so it works out both ways. But seriously if those boys are roaming the neighborhood, CPS should be called, those boys can be seriously hurt or killed if they are not being watched. For their safety I would call. Its anonymous also, so they will not know for sure who called.

Amy - posted on 09/14/2009

352

9

33

I currently have an issue with this...we have become the free babysitting service...it ticks me off. I told one of the parents I was concerned about his daughter being sick, I didn't want my son to get it, and he came back with "it's just a little cold, it's good for them" Really? Your kid is school age, goes to school in another school district (that has not only recently had a MRSA case but Flu as well) My toddler goes to a babysitter, who has small children and infants and I don't want him getting sick and passing it to other children.
NE ways what we do is, as soon as we see the kids coming, we come up with a cool activity to do indoors for a little bit, or we've even asked the kids to leave (told them it wa unsafe because we were working on the yard...lol) And those kids are NOT allowed in my house...It's the only way I get out of feeding and cleaning up after them.

Rachel - posted on 09/14/2009

18

40

0

Thanks ladies! I definitely doubt there will ever be a trustful relationship with the parents, as we don't respect their parenting style. We'll be putting up a fence and gate next spring, so hopefully that will help! I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but at the same time I feel like I need to be clear about what the rules are. The biggest problem is that neither of the boys can speak, and they don't seem to understand very well. So telling them to go back home doesn't really help. We've been telling our son that the boys are supposed to be in their own yard with their parents. That seems to appease him for now. Eventually the dad usually ends up shouting for his kids, and they go home for awhile. Thanks again so much for the advice!!

Sharon - posted on 09/13/2009

11,585

12

1315

In your home - your rules apply.



If they can't follow the rules, send them home and call their parents to say why.



Invite the kids over when you feel up to supervising them, other wise tell them your child is not available to play.

Betty - posted on 09/13/2009

1,061

7

90

If the kids are hanging around and you want them to leave just tell them it's nap time and they will leave. Try playing mainly in the back yard so they won't come around as often too. Tell them that if they want a play date their mom or dad will need to come over with them. Do not allow them in your home or back yard with out one of the parents with them until you establish a trustful relationship with both parents.

Carolyn - posted on 09/13/2009

93

10

11

I have had similar problems in the past and currently with some local kids. I don't think you are being judgemental at all, your just looking out for your childs best interest. Your son is so young it will be hard to make him understand but just try to reinforce everyone is different and bought up different. I try to point out to my own kids how these kids are often unwanted visitors due to thier behaviour and to mimic thier behaviour would cause similar probs for them when they are old enough to visit friends. As for the kids, often no matter what you say they will continue to come over so I lay down rules e.g. I tell them they can visit at set times only if on best behaviour, not allowed in the house. Try to reward them with something small if they stick to your rules and make it clear they are NOT welcome if they don't.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms