Young 16 old girl texting and hugging a married man.

Sandi - posted on 09/11/2013 ( 22 moms have responded )

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When a young 16 year old girl is texting and hugging a married man is it considered cheating on his wife? I just found out that my stepson's girlfiends twin sister has been texting and hugging my husband. I feel so hurt. I feel like he is cheating on me.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/13/2013

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Ah, but here's the rub, Erika, what's his ISN'T yours, nor vice versa. Not legally, not at all.

I have to have my hubby sign authorization for me to be his medical POA, for me to get his info. And, I would have to sign authorization for him to have mine. School records, same deal. Employment questions, same deal.

And, yes, if someone wanted to be picky enough about it, (and some have been) your spouse/partner CAN take legal action against you if you get into his/her phone with out their permission, if you access their social media without their permission...Pretty much everything's covered in one way or another. What's yours IS NOT his. Not until you give express permission for him to access it. And vice versa.

You have the right to do anything you want, as long as it doesn't violate another individual's rights at the same time. His right to privacy trumps her right to "fight for her marriage". Plus, that's no way to build trust, by breaking into your partner's phone or social media...

Amanda - posted on 09/11/2013

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If your husband isn't letting you see his texts then i would say that you should be worried. As husband and wife you shouldn't be keeping anything from each other. And i can understand if he thinks he is trying to help. But the truth of the matter is, that if she has that kind of a reputation, he really should stop talking to her, and tell her that if she would like to talk to someone trustworthy to talk to you, or maybe someone within your church(a female). The way that our society has become it is never a good thing for a man to help another women or vice versa. She could turn around and accuse your husband of something he didn't even do. If i were him i wouldn't want to take that chance. She obviousness has some issues, and needs to talk them out, but not with your husband. It's not right.

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Jodi - posted on 09/16/2013

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I'm looking through this post again, and nowhere has the OP said her husband is texting the girl, only that the girl is texting him. I know the OP said she knows the full story, but it doesn't seem to have been told here.

Nelida - posted on 09/16/2013

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Hi there .. It might not be concederd cheating but the question is what is a grown man doing texting a 16 year old that's a defiantly no no I think you should talk to your husband and tell how you feel and let her mother know

Erika - posted on 09/15/2013

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Anyways, you do what you have to do to get your marriage straight :) if you need to check his phone then do it! I hope it all goes well for your matrimony sandi!

Jodi - posted on 09/13/2013

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Well, technically, when we marry we are still our own person with a right to some level of privacy. I choose to respect my husband's privacy. I trust him enough to do that. It's a pity the same can't be said for some marriages. In an ideal world.......

But no, legally the phone company can't give information to a partner without authorisation of the user. Just as my husband can't legally ask for my medical record without my authorisation, and so on.

Erika - posted on 09/13/2013

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Whatever happen to whatever's yours is mine? You have all the right to check his phone and check whatever else you want!! He's being disrespectful by not letting her see the phone after she asked for it. You have the right to fight for your marriage any way! (just don't go all Psycho of course)

Jodi - posted on 09/12/2013

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Actually, as a wife, I don't have the right to check my husband's phone unless the phone is in my name. Not that he would deny me if I asked, but it is disrespectful to go checking your partner's phone without asking anyway. But the law where I live also says it isn't my right,

Erika - posted on 09/12/2013

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As a wife you have the right to check his phone and if he refuses go to the cell phone company and print all the messages you want! Be prepared for the worst because of what you've said about this situation it might be what we're all thinking. You need to have a talk with that little girl and tell her not to text your husband again! I'm actually angry about this because its just so disrespectful and rude from that girl and your husband to do that! Pray so that nothing else other than just messages has happen! And also pray so god can help you go through this! you seem like a wife that cares for her matrimony so fight for it! :)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/12/2013

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Ms. Samantha,

I am speaking purely from experience. If you don't like that, well, I guess I have to say "tough".

My husband and I have been happily married for 23 years, together for 24. I KNOW what makes a relationship work, and I also know how easily it can be wrecked. Apparently you only read a few words of each of my comments to make an assertion that I think I'm above everyone else...

I know that there are ALWAYS two sides to a story. I also know that about 1/2 the time, the OP is stating a slanted view, that, when put under scrutiny will not stand up to the "rest of the story". When you've been at the whole marriage business for as long as I have, you learn to cull the BS and deal with the truth.

Besides that, honey, all I said was GET THE WHOLE STORY BEFORE MAKING UNFOUNDED ACCUSATIONS. How is that thinking my shit don't stink?

Sarah - posted on 09/12/2013

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I do not think its a good thing. She might be doing it to hurt you. All i think you need to do is to talk to your husband. No shouting, talk to him nicely but at least give him the idea of it was you doing it '' what would he do ? or how would he react?''

Gena - posted on 09/12/2013

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I dont see a reason for a 16 year old to text a married man or hug him.Only if he maybe is helping her through a difficult situation and he is the only person she trusts..but then clearly your husband would talk to you about what is going on and he would also show you the text messages. It doesnt sound right to me..it sounds as if she and your husband have something going on. But thats just my personal oppinion.

Samantha - posted on 09/11/2013

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Shawnn obviously thinks her own poop dont stink. I think this interaction is a little odd. My husband and i ran into this kind of situation a few years ago but with another women not a teen, that didnt end very well. He ended up cheating but with couseling and communication we have moved on and past it. The key is communication!!! I would talk to the husband and politly saw "i want to get involved with your life, please tell me what is going on" if he isnt to easy to let you in i would suggest maybe reacing out to her and say something along the lines of "there is a lack of communication, i would like to know what reason you may have to be texting my husband" if there still is no responce i would get all involved including step son, step sons gf sister mother, husband who ever and figure it all out. Lay everything out on the table. This world is so confussing, difficult and crazy. Hang in there sweet heart!

[deleted account]

It sounds inappropriate to me...

I would never have texted my friend's parents growing up. That's bizarre.

And even good Christians do bad things.

I grew up babysitting for a good Christian family only to find out 10 years later the "good Christian" dad was sexually abusing both his children.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/11/2013

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Honey, my input isn't negative, its an opinion.

And, my opinion stems from reality. Unfortunately it's not always sunshine and rainbows ;-)

Sandi - posted on 09/11/2013

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I have proof and the girl is a trouble maker. I don't need your negative input anymore. So please don't post me again.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/11/2013

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If he's a "christian" man, are you a christian woman? And if so, is it yours to judge?

and just what is a "trouble make over"???

You asked for advice on an international public forum. That doesn't mean you have to like the advice.

If your husband is a christian man, and you love and trust him, then what's the problem? Why would you think he's cheating, if you trust him, and he's christian? Just curious. My husband and I, as I said, wouldn't waste our time on worrying about something like this, because we DO trust each other, and know exactly what the other is doing at any given time, with any given person.

And, as I also said, your allegations could potentially harm people. If you can't back them up, don't voice them.

Sandi - posted on 09/11/2013

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No he is not a pedophile. He is a christian man. I have found out the whole story. And no I'm not insecure. I married him because I love him. I prefer not to read anymore of your comments. I know a trouble make over.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/11/2013

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My kids' friends, both male and female, text both my husband and I frequently. If my husband were to react like you are, he'd spend most of his life worried that I'm "cheating" on him with some teeny bopper, and likewise.

I still say find out the full story. Are you concerned that he's a pedophile? If so, shouldn't you have checked that out before you married him? Are you insecure enough in your own personal self that you feel she's a threat? There is always more going on than is visible, I'll grant you that, but you need to investigate further before making allegations that could potentially hurt or ruin people.

Sandi - posted on 09/11/2013

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He has known her for about 2 months. She somehow got his number and texts him, she was on his facebook page as a friend. But I found out that she likes sleeping with older men, and she has a bad reputation because of this. He won"t let me see the messages. But my children and I know it's not right. I understand my stepson's girlfriend texting him, but not the other one.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/11/2013

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What are they texting about? Is he, perhaps, one of her trusted adults, and helping her through a difficult situation? How long has he known her?

Get more details before you go off the deep end.

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