young mom needs advice

Stephanie - posted on 08/04/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have been really stressed lately and need advice. I'm 17 (I'll be 18 in october) and I'm the mom of an adorable almost three year old, Jaylyn. My "mother" has been extremely rude to me lately and threatened to kick me and jaylyn out if I don't break up with her dad, Jason, get a better job, and get my "act together". On top of things with my mom, Jason pushes me around a lot lately and yells a ton. He yells at Jaylyn too, which I guess is bad because she's only a toddler. He never wants to do anything with Jaylyn even though he always refers to her as "his kid" not "our kid". I've quit smoking but he still smokes around Jaylyn which kinda bothers me. I just have a few things going on right now and I don't know what to do anymore.

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Dove - posted on 08/05/2016

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I agree w/ the other two ladies. I can't imagine how stressful everything is at such a young age, but when you become a parent... life is mainly about that new child and 'you' are now the adult responsible for that child... even though you aren't an adult quite yet.

Why would you want a boyfriend that sounds like a bully? Do you want your daughter to grow up and be w/ a man that treats her like that? Time to make sure you have court ordered custody, visitation, and child support and cut him out of YOUR (not your daughter's) life except where it directly concerns the child.

Ev - posted on 08/05/2016

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{I have been really stressed lately and need advice. I'm 17 (I'll be 18 in october) and I'm the mom of an adorable almost three year old, Jaylyn. }
---No one said being a mom no matter your age would be an easy road. You had a child at the age of 14 I take it? That is so young to become a mother.

{My "mother" has been extremely rude to me lately and threatened to kick me and jaylyn out if I don't break up with her dad, Jason, get a better job, and get my "act together".}
---How is it rude that your mother is telling you to become an adult and act like one? You do need to get out and get as good a job as you can and get your act together. YOU are the parent of that child not your mother. It is not really her responsibility to raise or pay for the things your child needs. That is your job. You should not be with a guy who is going to treat you nasty like that because that shows your child the wrong things about how men and women should be to each other. You also need to get custody, child support, and visitation set up for dad too while you are at it. He needs to be held responsible for his part of things in that baby's life. Life as you knew it is over. You can not go out and do the things your friends still do now. You need to finish your education and do what you need to be doing.

{ On top of things with my mom, Jason pushes me around a lot lately and yells a ton. He yells at Jaylyn too, which I guess is bad because she's only a toddler. He never wants to do anything with Jaylyn even though he always refers to her as "his kid" not "our kid".}
---You need to leave this guy. He is not good for you to be involved with. I am not saying to keep the child from him but to have him out of your life as a boyfriend but still give him time to build a relationship with his child too.

{ I've quit smoking but he still smokes around Jaylyn which kinda bothers me. I just have a few things going on right now and I don't know what to do anymore.}
---Good that you quite smoking but you can tell him he needs to refrain from it around the child. And how would you be getting cigerettes under 18 anyhow?

Michelle - posted on 08/05/2016

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I suggest you read what you wrote here.
He is abusive and I agree with your Mother that you should break up with him.
He doesn't respect you as a woman, let alone the Mother of his child. Do you want your child to grow up thinking that a man can treat women like that?
You have made some very poor choices so far in your short life, it's now time to make some good ones. You are responsible for a 3yo, you need to grow up and take responsibility for your future. You can't live with your Mum forever, do you have a job? If not, you need to go out and get one and support yourself and your child. Time to be an adult with the decisions you have made.

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Jodi - posted on 08/06/2016

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How is it rude of your mother to encourage you to break up with your baby's day because he is abusive toward you both? You are living under her roof, and she is not prepared to put up with him treating you like that. Yes, it IS time for you to grow up. Your mother is actually looking out for your best interests by suggesting you need this guy gone.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/06/2016

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So, your mother is pushing you to get out of a bad relationship, and to act like the adult you are by getting a job, getting your act together, and being a parent?

Honey, like it or not, your mother is right. Look at it this way: picture 13 years in the future J is now 16, or almost. She is a young mother, in a bad relationship, living with you, and you are taking the majority of the financial responsibility for raising your daughter's daughter. Would you not want J to get rid of the loser, and start parenting and taking responsibility for her life? You most certainly would.

You need to get rid of this guy. Get custody, visitation, and support set in court, and move forward from that relationship.

Have you finished high school? If not, get your GED. If you demonstrate to your mother that you CAN make positive progress, she will support that. Once you have that done, move forward to a job, and further education in an area that interests you.

Welcome to being an adult. You got here the hard way. It's not going to be easy, but others have survived and succeeded, and you can as well.

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