young teens, twelve,thirteen and fourteen HELP!!!

Becky - posted on 08/22/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Im a grandmother raising three kids who are driving me crazy with girl drama, boy rages and disrespect and an adhd who has started h.s. skipping a year and being totally out of his element socially. I am at a loss as to what to do with them. No punishments or restrictions or talks or councelors or church advisors they like are helping at all. Any ideas?????

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Megan M - posted on 08/28/2014

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If you think there's something bad then check it out and ask. Ask why there doing bad stuff and if you have a problem with there friends then have a hike or picnic or take on or two to the movie in the park keep correcting them and they will think twice.

Becky - posted on 08/22/2014

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Megan, some of this I do and some of it I am just too tired to fight sometimes. I do have strict rules about the ipods and internet, time limits and parental controls set and now no internet on the ipods at all. They do not have any other electronic stuff, no phone or ipad or anything like that. Their friends have to check in their electronics now that the girls got in trouble with the kik stuff contacting men. They got lots of trash and filth but they did not send any. They had fake identities. We had a computer person check their phones and stuff just as a parental check up and they found this. The kids mostly spend time with their friends either here or at school or at church. Their friends have to go with us if they stay on a Saturday and often they go with us on Wednesdays and any special youth activity. I spend more time with them and listening to them than is healthy for me.I try not to yell but it gets impossible when they get loud and wild acting ( I suspect the second boy is hyper too but he wont take meds and manages to behave and stay focused any place but home.) The kids talk about things I cant believe they will in front of me like I am not even there. I guess Im there so much they don't see me anymore. We ground to house, remove privileges and take belongings away for a time. They go to bed at a regular time just moved to 9 this year and they since we live in an area that has few kids around they don't get out into trouble in the neighborhood often. Small town and spaced homes. They are all in counseling and the oldest takes meds. I try to stay out of the girls dramas but strangely enough the parents pull me and because they think I should be involved. My granddaughter refuses to talk to anyone councelor or older teen mentor at church. Im at my wits end. The double meaning sexual talk, the lies about everything from sneaking food to taking ipods to school. A lot is normal kids stuff but the attitudes and the anger in the one. The girl cutting a couple of times and The fear my husband and I feel at the hints of them or one of them acting like their dad our son. Im ashamed of him and he is not someone I would ever allow around the kids. I don't often as it is. The older they get the harder it is to keep him out of their lives. He is contacting them on email and stuff that they read on friends phones at school and other places. I feel defeated, afraid, exhausted and inadequate. My husband is resentful to some degree and impatient. We don't know how to take control. Our other three sons are wonderful, successful and upright citizens and parents and we would like these kids to turn out that way too. Im just so tired and confused so much of the time. Tonight I have my three plus two more. A boy 13 and a girl 12. This is how I keep them social but not allow freedoms that I feel are harmful. Most of the parents of their friends are a lot more lienient than I am but every time I give them an inch of trust I get lies. They are not the bad kids, girl doesn't wear makeup, heels or provocative clothes yet and doesn't have boy friends. The boys don't either for the most part. There are no defiant clothes like vulgar prints on tee shirts though I am allowing one boy to grow his hair as long as he wants as long as its clean.

Megan M - posted on 08/22/2014

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Give trust and you will get trust.set rules and don't give second chances. Don't yell and don't give things that are not won. Listen mostly and if they ask comment. Don't but in to problems unless there serious. Don't make any joke when it come to problems and if there being bad don't let them out with friends. Let them earn tv time, screen time and anything with tech (not the kitchen stuff tho) if they want something and you don't think they deserve it then don't give it to them until they earn it. If they push you then leave the room and if they yell at you then tell them not to and then sit them down and make them wait till the next meal or any long time like 30 mins or so and take away there phone for that day and say if it happens again then they can't take the phone up stairs and to school and they have to ask to use it at home for 3 weeks or more and if they try to sneer it it will be yours till you feel they deserve it back but wait a couple days before. If they bring it up again skip to no screen or friends for a week. This all worked with my teens when they didn't do good in school I took everything away till I saw a good change. I hope this helps

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