11 year old daughter

Wendy - posted on 12/17/2009

I have an eleven year old as well. I recently started home schooling her because of a similar issue. But I found out that she was being bullied by her own teacher believe it or not... and I am certain that this was the underlying issue because now that I have her at home with me, things are 100% better. I suggest you investigate that there isn't something more going on. Girls don't usually have mood swings through puberty (except for pms). For the most part, boys are the only ones who have these issues. I'm glad I investigated what was really going on, because my daughter was too embarrassed to tell me the truth about what was going on at school.

Cindy - posted on 12/17/2009

Oh, can't believe I forgot to mention this: there are loads of hormones (estorgens) and anti-biotics in commercially-produced dairy and meat, which are affecting kids these days. Also, most of the sources of soy products available in the US have lots of estrogen in them. Have you noticed they're maturing earlier, and many seem to have a harder time - like you're describing - than years ago? Also, youth culture is very suggestive, which has been proven to force sexual development in the brain before a young person is mature enough to handle it ( I can get you sources for that if you're interested).

Carla - posted on 12/16/2009

thanks moms for ur advice i think me and her will find our way! i have already raised 2 girls 31, 23, each one different. the 11 year old is quit a challenge with so much space between them things have changed so have i, alot older and less tolerate.

Cindy - posted on 12/16/2009

It can be tough, dealing with that age. Be sure you're reacting in ways that prove she can trust you. The Bible says that a wise counselor draws the answer out of a person; listened to for long enough, the answer can emerge. But don't back down on standards, or let her bully you just to keep peace (that will make her even more insecure). She's testing her independence and likely needs even more structure now than a year ago; but be subtle and creative. Dr. Laura Schlessinger has great ideas for dealing with hormonal teens; find her site and see what help is to be found there. Also, hormones tend to fluctuate more with diet: lots of sugar, refined and starchy foods (most teens' diets, unfortunately) cause blood sugar fluctuations, that affect the rest of the hormone balance.

Saundra - posted on 12/16/2009

First i am glad to hear i am not the only one........I have twins 12 years old.......the new responsiblity of middle school and making friends and becoming independent in study is a huge challenge. I have been talking to them about choices and listening and hearing before speaking. We have talked about what is the concept of popular and peer pressure..........its gradual for sure, I am now spending an extra hour just talking about what was the day like how do they feel and why do they think they feel that way. We are working on this and its hard........I am happy we have a forum to discuss this

Genava - posted on 12/16/2009

Carla, I have been taking care of my 13 year old niece for 10 years. I thought I new everything about her at the age of 12 when she had a hard time dealing with going from girlhood to young lady. My niece had a difficult time with her peers, teachers, and family...her mood swings were horrible as well. I set her down to talk about what was bothering her and if there was anything I could do for her...her replies...nothing, because, and I don't know; the usual statements of a preteen. Since that was not working I taught her all the ins and outs of what to do when becoming a young lady and let her have her say in the matter. I bought everything she needed to make that transition and was there for her regardless of the mood swings and her anger fits. It is a difficult process for a girl to make transitions into becoming a young lady...there is really nothing you can do but be there for her and wait it out. Your daughter is trying to make a place for herself in this young lady phase; she is very frustrated with the change. But be there for her every step of the way and support her ongoings. As far as convertations with antagonist peers it is time for her to be in counseling in school if problems arise...at my nieces school there is a counselor and nurse who speaks with young ladies to get them to understand what is going on with school and there bodies. She is now thirteen and still have the mood swings and convertation with peers...this will be a part of growing up no matter which year she is in. Instead of always hounding her into talking, I wait until she comes to me. If you see there is so much frustration in her voice and on her face; take that leap of faith that everything will be alright until she get ready to spill the beans on what she is ready to talk about. She will be ok, becoming a young lady all means she need to find her own niche in life and she will continue to do so each year she becomes older. Let her find her way and stand beside her when she needs you.....

Jessy - posted on 12/16/2009

I too have the same age daughter. I think we need to win their confidence by spending more time with them, understanding their moods and dealing with them accordingly. We still have the tendency of treating them as small kids and yelling at them when we see they don't behave according to our expectations. They are accepted by the friends and they will do what their friends do. So what they need is acceptance and talking to them in a friendly way. Moms need to be the best friend of their daughters, then they will share freely. I am trying on this and still learning